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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this woman to stop bloody tutting and shaking her head at me?

279 replies

FigaroCat · 15/04/2013 16:18

I was friends with a mum from the school run for a couple of years. Our DDs are friends and are in the same class most years. I wouldn't say we were very close friends but we got on well, met up regularly with the girls, and often texted or phoned each other.

About 6 months ago the mum stopped talking to me, almost overnight. If I went up to her at the school to talk she would just walk off, and texts were ignored. I tried to speak to her a couple of times and ask if I'd upset her at all but she just ignored me, and she now walks straight past me if she sees me, with her nose in the air.

Fair enough, I don't think I've done anything wrong at all but her choice who she's friends with and all that. However....she works 3 days a week and her mother, who is in her late fifties, does the school run for her. I previously got on well with her mother and we'd have a bit of a chat and small talk at the school. Since my friend stopped talking to me, her mother has done so too. Again no huge loss, but every time she sees me she starts shaking her head, and tutting at me.

We were just walking home from school an hour ago and my friend's daughter was behind us and called DD's name. DD turned round and waved, and I turned round too, and my friend's mum was glaring at me, tutting, shaking her head. She often tries to get eye contact with me on the school run, for example if I am talking to another mum she walks past me, looks at me and again loudly tuts, shakes her head, and glares at me. Also at the end of the Easter term there was an assembly, which my friend's mum went to, and again there as she walked past me to sit down she glared at me and shook her head.

It's like I've done something terrible and sordid and I absolutely disgust her. I don't much care now as to what they think I've done, as my ex friend's childish approach to things has made me realise she's not worth bothering about but her mum is really pissing me off.

WIBU the next time she does it to tell her to bloody well stop doing it and to get a life? DH says to ignore her but that's easier said than done!

OP posts:
AnyoneforTurps · 15/04/2013 21:50

I would try to behave sensibly and ask her what the problem was but I would almost certainly end up doing something childish like blowing kisses or waving madly when I'm half a metre away from her.

NorksAreMessy · 15/04/2013 21:55

Can you ask someone ELSE to ask her...you know, get friend to say "OH, that figaro she's a so and so with her leopard skin coat, tattooed neck and Dc with pierced noses. I hear she eats grapes in the supermarket without paying for them and once parked her buggy in a P&C car park space"

...and see what she says in return :)

SingingSands · 15/04/2013 21:55

How infuriating! Next time she starts tutting and glaring, just breeze past with an airy "straighten your face you old trout".

FryOneFatManic · 15/04/2013 22:17

I think you should modify this: "Either have the courage to tell me what I have done wrong or stop tutting so rudely at me every time you see me!"

to this: "Either have the courage to tell me what you think I have done wrong or stop tutting so rudely at me every time you see me!"

because if you genuinely can't remember anything it'll be their weird perception of something really trivial.

olgaga · 15/04/2013 22:26

Blimey the suspense is killing me. OP, tell us where she lives and we'll all go round there and ask. Right now Grin!

AllOverIt · 15/04/2013 22:31

Please confront her and report back.

I'm desperate to know (I have no life....)

OTTMummA · 15/04/2013 22:33

Blatantly marking here

GibberTheMonkey · 15/04/2013 22:55

And me
I want to know what the hell is their problems

MagratOfStolat · 15/04/2013 23:26

I am CRYING! Thread of the week!

Please, do all of the above. You need to confront her with a load of witnesses whilst scraping your hair back with hoop earrings and simultaneously smoking a fag and you need to call her Doris and an "old trout" and then when she tells you what she thinks you've done you need to tell her that you were worried you'd sleep-shagged her husband. And then blow her a kiss to finish.

Have I missed any?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 15/04/2013 23:46

OP, your ex-friend is a 'Wendy'. There are lots of them about, unfortunately - there was a big thread on here at the back end of last year where a lovely MN-er was being hideously Wendied. 'Wendy's' bully by exclusion and false rumour, and will not tell you what you're supposed to have done wrong. It's the Wendy's way of getting the sympathy and support of their followers, while at the same time ensuring that their followers stick with them, lest they become the next victim.

You can try confronting the mother, although like another poster said, you'll probably get either 'nothing's wrong, you're imagining it' or 'you know full well what you've done'. If you get an actual explanation, you'll be very lucky.

SarahAndFuck · 15/04/2013 23:48

Is 'Wendy' from Blubber SoftKitty?

Tanith · 16/04/2013 00:21

"I must just ask you why you keep tutting and twitching when I go past.
I don't really care myself; it's just that I started a thread about it on Mumsnet and they're all desperate to know Grin"

SquinkiesRule · 16/04/2013 04:51

I feel sorry for any poor woman who really is called Wendy now. Confused

Lavenderhoney · 16/04/2013 05:52

This happened to me once. No idea what I did. When I asked I just got " you know what you did, don't try to make out you don't know" and anyone else who asked was told " it's personal"

Good luck with finding out. Tutting would really annoy me and I would have to ask, preferably with a friend next to me!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 16/04/2013 06:34

They do sound mental OP but the tutting would drive me insane!

I would have to know what's going on.

Mimishimi · 16/04/2013 07:02

How strange. I would try to find out from someone else what terrible thing they think you have done.

MsAkimbo · 16/04/2013 09:45

Guarantee you DD can find out for you. You just know this woman told her daughter.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/04/2013 09:52

Sarah I don't think it's from Blubber, but it's been well over 20 years since I read that so can't remember.

It's from this thread and it's predecessor.

BegoniaBampot · 16/04/2013 10:41

next time she tuts just stand in front of her and tut right back. you could have tutting stand off in the playground. i'd pay good money for that. also like 'the old trout' approach and blowing kisses as i would be tempted to wind them us as much as possible.

Do not ask 'what have I done wrong' - sounds like you are asking for forgiveness or approval.

Suzietastic · 16/04/2013 11:17

I'm with Begonia. You should have a 'tut off'.

TheCraicDealer · 16/04/2013 12:01

You have to confront them!

Did you ask her to shit in a mug the last time you saw her? Because that's literally the only reason I can think of for this bi-generational hate campaign.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/04/2013 12:27

I remember Blubber - sooo well portrayed. Ask her if it's because you're a Flenser.

musicismylife · 16/04/2013 12:47

It could be that she feels threatened by you. Perhaps her daughter has said that she wished her mum was more like you. Or, assuming she has a partner, maybe he's seen you and told her you are fit. Who knows?

If it is none of the above, then I just think that some people get a real thrill out of playing these 'games'. Purely to see how upset they can make you or see how you will rise to it. Very strange but it does happen. And as for the tutting, tell her to 'tut' off and don't even look in her direction in future, that will frustrate her even more.

I suspect that you are not the first person she has done this to and you will not be the last.

I know a poster mentioned asking your daughter, don't bother. Just rise above it all and be safe in the knowledge that you have not done a thing wrong and it will all come out in the end.

acceptableinthe80s · 16/04/2013 12:52

No don't rise about above it, we all need to know!
Grin at 'tut off'.
Please come back OP.

acceptableinthe80s · 16/04/2013 12:53

no idea where that 'about' came from!