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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell this woman to stop bloody tutting and shaking her head at me?

279 replies

FigaroCat · 15/04/2013 16:18

I was friends with a mum from the school run for a couple of years. Our DDs are friends and are in the same class most years. I wouldn't say we were very close friends but we got on well, met up regularly with the girls, and often texted or phoned each other.

About 6 months ago the mum stopped talking to me, almost overnight. If I went up to her at the school to talk she would just walk off, and texts were ignored. I tried to speak to her a couple of times and ask if I'd upset her at all but she just ignored me, and she now walks straight past me if she sees me, with her nose in the air.

Fair enough, I don't think I've done anything wrong at all but her choice who she's friends with and all that. However....she works 3 days a week and her mother, who is in her late fifties, does the school run for her. I previously got on well with her mother and we'd have a bit of a chat and small talk at the school. Since my friend stopped talking to me, her mother has done so too. Again no huge loss, but every time she sees me she starts shaking her head, and tutting at me.

We were just walking home from school an hour ago and my friend's daughter was behind us and called DD's name. DD turned round and waved, and I turned round too, and my friend's mum was glaring at me, tutting, shaking her head. She often tries to get eye contact with me on the school run, for example if I am talking to another mum she walks past me, looks at me and again loudly tuts, shakes her head, and glares at me. Also at the end of the Easter term there was an assembly, which my friend's mum went to, and again there as she walked past me to sit down she glared at me and shook her head.

It's like I've done something terrible and sordid and I absolutely disgust her. I don't much care now as to what they think I've done, as my ex friend's childish approach to things has made me realise she's not worth bothering about but her mum is really pissing me off.

WIBU the next time she does it to tell her to bloody well stop doing it and to get a life? DH says to ignore her but that's easier said than done!

OP posts:

YoniMcShoni · 15/04/2013 17:47

You dont say how old the girls are but if they are still at primary school maybe it would be worth asking a teacher or TA (TAs are the fount of all school knowledge - fact) who might be able to tell you if this family has form for this sort of behaviour or even what huge crime you committed .

lunar1 · 15/04/2013 17:51

I would have to confront her

OHforDUCKScake · 15/04/2013 17:58

I agree with SarahandFuck sh is busting to tell you.

And Im busting to know.

WildlingPrincess · 15/04/2013 17:59

Ask her if she's seen a doctor as she seems to have some kind of affliction where she tuts a lot.

YohedYoshoulderYonisandYotoes · 15/04/2013 18:03

Could you get a T-Shirt saying 'You are mental' and when she looks at you and tuts, open your jacket, look at her and tut?

olgaga · 15/04/2013 18:11

Is there a mutual acquaintance you can ask?

Has your DD noticed and made any comment?

Either way I'm dying to find out...

I think you are entitled to ask your the mum politely why she keeps pulling faces and shaking her head at you!

olgaga · 15/04/2013 18:12

It's a good idea, asking the TA. Also, I found at my DD's primary the school office staff knew everything.

YohedYoshoulderYonisandYotoes · 15/04/2013 18:13

Sorry could resist that.. actually this sounds horrible and a really shitty social thing to deal with - I suspect its just Mother bullying, but that is because my sister had a MIL who saw herself as 'powerful' because she was the village bitch and gossip - she did this 'turning' on people - it wasn't for a reason, it was because either she just fancied a new target or she viewed them as potentially well-liked. Often the 'reason' came later and usually it was made up. She is from an earlier time when this kind of control worked better than now but her daughters are exactly the same - have a negative story about everyone, usually before they have even met them.

Its just what is sometimes called 'female' bullying - i.e rumour, exclusion, rather than physical - not that that is a useful term but you can perhaps see what I mean.

Mocking can be quite good, tutting as well in a silly exaggerated manner, but I found saying 'its sad really, but she can't help it because she has dementia' then being super patronisingly nice and 'patient' with the disapproval along with getting on famously with her friends.

Any bully wants you to feel unnerved and everyone around them to join in. Don't let them!

Also just say something direct to the mother, something like 'I don't know why you are getting at me, it was her who was dealing the coke, I just said I didn't want any' That will set the silly bat's mind racing

extracrunchy · 15/04/2013 18:17

Ugh that would drive me insane!! I really want to know what she thinks you've done...

ChaosTrulyReigns · 15/04/2013 18:18

Did you go to her house and not remove your shoes?

Theicingontop · 15/04/2013 18:18

"Do you have tourettes? I'm sorry, I had to ask, because I'd feel really awful if you did, and found out after I'd told you to shut your talk-hole."

But then I'm a cow like that.

Pleeeease come back and tell us what heinous crime you committed.

zzzzz · 15/04/2013 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vivizone · 15/04/2013 18:25

OMG OP, how strange.

It would really bother me. You Definitely have my sympathy!

flaminghoopsaloohlah · 15/04/2013 18:26

I'd just completely ignore it TBH - you're likely to get, at best, blustering or denial (highly likely if the stupid PA behaviour is to be counted) or you'll get a barrage of insults.

It's their problem, let them angst over it. You've got much better things to do...like breezing past ignoring it all :)

LindyHemming · 15/04/2013 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 15/04/2013 18:33

I too could never have let this drift so long. Glad you're going ask her what it's about.

toffeelolly · 15/04/2013 18:39

I would be asking what there problem is. What childish behaviour, please find out and let us know. Feel sorry for you you should not have to put up with this every day you do the school run. Good luck.

SquinkiesRule · 15/04/2013 18:53

Please ask, I'm marking a spot so I can find out what your crime is.

Ledkr · 15/04/2013 19:06

"Look. I have absolutely no idea what your problem is with me, so when you keep tutting and shaking your head it means nothing to me but just makes you look ridiculous in front of your grandchildren and other people.
If you do have some Problem with me then let's hear it before your flipping head rolls off from all the shaking"
Don't forget to stand making eye contact for more time than is comfortable afterwards.
Bullies hate to be confronted.

Theala · 15/04/2013 19:14

do what ledkr said. and then come back and tell us what happened.

auntpetunia · 15/04/2013 19:15

It will be nothing! My friend of 34 years decided 18 months ago that I didn't pay enough attention to her and new boyfriend on group night out and that I was always dismissive of anything she said. She waited 6 weeks after the night out to send me and all friends a text saying she was deleting me from her fb for the above reasons ?all friends told her and me she was nuts made no difference she was adamant and did the whole I understand if you want to choose Petunia over me!

Load of nonsense and this will be the same your better off without friends like that, it's been hard for me to loose such a long-standing friend but I really couldn't be doing with such childish behavior.

AntoinetteCosway · 15/04/2013 19:20

Definitely ask. We had neighbours once who started ignoring me for no reason that I could see and I ended up having a hilarious 'conversation' with them that went:

Me: Hello!
Neighbour: ---
Me: I said, hello!
Neighbour:
Me: Excuse me, I said hello to you-it's rude to just ignore me.
Neighbour: Hello.

YellowDinosaur · 15/04/2013 19:21

Yep do what ledkr said. Then when it's something totally pathetic like in auntpetunia's case you can shake your head with disdain and say 'is that it? Because honestly given your reaction I was convinced I must have slept walked round to your house and shagged your husband or something'

BlackeyedSusan · 15/04/2013 19:21

i would really piss her off.. by smuiling and waving and sying a cheery hello, nice day/bit cold/very rainy today preferably in front of lots of people.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 15/04/2013 19:24

This happened to me once with an ex flatmate. I repeatedly asked what I had done wrong and the only response I got was 'don't pretend you don't know' ... 25 years later it still winds me up when I think about it, so please do confront both of them and come back and tell us what it was - it'll make me feel better in an odd way

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