Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think that there is nothing wrong with giving/receiving wedding gifts?

131 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 15/04/2013 16:10

I've been astonished recently at the outcry against wedding gifts. It seems that unless you are desolate and poor, very young, getting married for the first time or only moving in together after the wedding it is considered rude and greedy to want wedding gifts.
There is clearly a lot of social etiquette that goes into making any comment at all over gift preferences in a wedding in invite - if I get married I would want people to know that I don't expect a gift, (or demand one). But it is nice to get presents!

AIBU to think that there is actually nothing wrong with wedding gifts?

OP posts:

Trillz · 15/04/2013 17:04

I love a wedding gift list - my reference point is the "two whiskey tumblers" - are you asking for ones that cost £20 for the pair, or £40, or £60.

ShadowStorm · 15/04/2013 17:04

YANBU.

I'm fine with gift lists, requests for vouchers / money whatever. Although I do think it's polite to add something along the lines of "no need to get us anything at all" to the invite, and include lots of cheap options in any gift list for cash strapped guests.

I don't see how putting a gift list in with the invite is bad mannered either. Seems a bit unreasonable to expect guests to somehow just know that you have a gift list of stuff that you want and that they should know to ask you if they want to see it.

mrsjay · 15/04/2013 17:05

I said the Nigella breadbin because it was on the list a few wedding ago it cost an awful lot of money just to keep your Hovis in

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/04/2013 17:06

trillz - erm, funnily enough, a request for a list that has nothing under 3 figures, has nothing under 3 figures. That kinda means they're asking for presents that cost - wait for it - 3 figures.

Is this somehow obscure?

A gift list with nicely-priced gifts is fine and one of those I'd see as polite.

HappyMummyOfOne · 15/04/2013 17:07

There is a difference between choosing to give a gift rather than it being expected.

I dont mind a discreet wedding list available upon request but including it in the invite is grasping, tradition or not. Cash requests i detest, why nit just be honest and charge an entry fee.

Absy · 15/04/2013 17:11

Yeah, MN hates wedding gifts, particularly cash ones. Even more asking for them.

Personally, I don't mind. I don't even mind cash gifts (we got a LOT which paid for some of the wedding and our honeymoon, and some left over, so I'm hardly one to complain) and I don't think I would have a coronary if someone sent an invitation with a wedding list number/reference or even with a poem in it.

I could imagine though, some MNers having a FIT if they arrived at an Israeli wedding where typically you have a safe set up at the entrance that you can deposit your cash/cheques into as you walk in (it's rare to give gifts/have a gift list, instead people give cash. A LOT of cash - you work out how much you think they spent per head and give around that back).

Notafoodbabyanymore · 15/04/2013 17:12

Why shouldn't you expect gifts on your wedding day? It's normal to receive gifts when you get married. And why is it rude to give people an idea of what might actually be useful to you?

Although, I do agree with it being annoying when every item on the gift list is very expensive. But that's just because I'm poor!

expatinscotland · 15/04/2013 17:14

Oh, yes, buy our honeymoon or 'experiences' on honeymoon because anything else is unwelcome and we don't trust you to select a gift that will be acceptable to us/don't want your 'tat'.

Have a small wedding and pay for your own fecking holiday or charge entry fees.

IslaValargeone · 15/04/2013 17:14

I did once receive a list where the cheapest item was £100. Cheeky feckers.

I did not buy from it.

IslaValargeone · 15/04/2013 17:15

indeed expat.

YoniLovesChachi · 15/04/2013 17:19

I don't like being asked for presents. I think it's presumptuous and crass.

I love giving presents. I prefer not to have to spend money to order. I have no problem with someone guiding me should I ask them for suggestions. I'd feel very awkward asking my friends and family to buy me something specific in return for a place at my wedding.

Imagine if someone came on here saying their child had received a birthday party invitation stating "Cash or Toys R Us vouchers please". It would have us all chuckling to ourselves at the cheek of it, but the sentiment is exactly the same as the wedding gift request.

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/04/2013 17:22

I think wedding lists are par for the course in real life.

I've said before on here - we didn't have one but I think we're the only people I really know who didn't.

I'm not offended by them - makes life easy surely.

threesypeesy · 15/04/2013 17:23

YANBU I would never dream of going empty handed and I prefer to be told what specific gift they would like or money toward honeymoon rather than something completely useless to them especially as most people have alrsady set up home before they get married.

Some of the post have come across as rather miserable imo. I think some are put out at spending a certain amount of money.

Typical to be judged though now a days it seems you cant do right for wrong in planning a wedding

FeckOffCup · 15/04/2013 17:28

I've had the wedding list in the invite for every wedding I've been invited to and haven't given it a second thought much less hoiked my bosom at the cheek of it, it seems pretty normal to me and saves on hassle for the bride and groom. Generally if I'm invited to a wedding it is people who are friends or relatives and I want to get them a gift to celebrate their occasion and I would like it to be something they want, a nice honeymoon is just as good a use of money as a cutlery set, photo frame etc in my opinion.

BarredfromhavingStella · 15/04/2013 17:30

YANBU, have no problem with wedding lists or cash/voucher requests, I'd much rather give something that's wanted instead of a random bit of tat for the couple to either Ebay or throw away-wouldn't dream of attending a wedding empty handed.

IslaValargeone · 15/04/2013 17:31

I'll count myself as one of those 'put out at spending a certain amount of money' £100 for the cheapest wedding gift.
Feck orf!

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/04/2013 17:33

I've never seen a wedding list with the cheapest item being a £100 - most have a wide range from a wooden spoon upwards.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 15/04/2013 17:33

When my cousin got married they didn't put a list in or a poem etc and they were constantly asked what they wanted buying for them and it was quite difficult for them to really specify anything as they had already set up home.
In the end he would say, after insisting presents are not required, that either vouchers (of any sort) or a gift the buyer took pleasure in buying would be lovely.

ChuffMuffin · 15/04/2013 17:33

I would never, ever dream of turning up to a wedding without a present for the newlyweds. I normally give cash, but if there is a registry I'll use that instead.

But on the other hand I absolutely hate the "we want cash" poems and the registries that are full of ridiculously unnecessarily expensive items too (set of 6 crystal champagne flutes for £550? ).

HoneyStepMummy · 15/04/2013 17:37

I live in the US. My husband is Italian American. Weddings here tend to be really flash, and people almost always give cash to the Bride and Groom, usually about $150-$250 per couple. When my SIL got married some mobsters big spenders attended and she got $10 000

That being said, if I was back in the UK and wouldn't give that type of gift but wouldn't show up empty handed. I love being invited to weddings, christenings, birthdays etc and love giving gifts. If someone doesn't need or want a bunch of tat stuff for their house and want to make my job easier by requesting vouchers that's fine by me!

Requests for donations however are really tacky.

YoniLovesChachi · 15/04/2013 17:45

"I'd much rather give something that's wanted instead of a random bit of tat for the couple to either Ebay or throw away-wouldn't dream of attending a wedding empty handed."

So you'd give them a voucher for a regular high street department store or some cash. Surely that's what most guests would decide upon, given the free choice of a wedding gift.

People don't need instructions on how to deal with the niceties of etiquette. We all know it's nice to give a gift when you're offered hospitality in any setting. Wedding planning seems to make people forget that everyone know that, so reminders and requests are given

CloudsAndTrees · 15/04/2013 17:47

This is one of those things that is only an issue on MN. In real life everyone gives wedding gifts graciously and enjoys doing so.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2013 17:47

Exactly, Yoni.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 15/04/2013 17:53

I too have yet to receive a gift list where the presents start at £100!?! I don't object to giving cash or holiday vouchers either! If its what they want, why not give them that rather than a set of placemats?!

Original poster

TheSeventhHorcrux · 15/04/2013 17:54

I don't see a problem with a request to contribute to the honeymoon. My mum and her new husband did as did my cousin at his wedding.
But each to their own!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread