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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why men are so lazy?!!

142 replies

Katrina33 · 14/04/2013 15:58

That's it really. I'm 40 + 4 pregnant and desperately trying to keep the house clean and tidy as well as do last minute things for baby...really restricted by huge bump and feeling exhausted....and dp is doing next to nothing....except make mess everywhere and researching growing potatoes...did you know you can grow them in sawdust?! Confused. Also playing music whilst I'm trying to lie down.....

I know I'm probably oversensitive with hormones etc....but......Sad

OP posts:
WMittens · 14/04/2013 19:20

Also playing music whilst I'm trying to lie down.....

That's so annoying, I have the same inability to be horizontal when there is sound. As soon as anything makes a noise, I am instantly propelled to the vertical - really dangerous if I'm doing maintenance under a car and I drop a spanner.

TiggyD · 14/04/2013 19:21

The thread has moved on now BOF. There were lots of Xposts at the start with people all aghast at the OP at the same time, not continual attacks.

MamaBear17 · 14/04/2013 19:23

Mine is bloody lazy! We do have the 'pull your weight' conversations and he is fine for a few days and then he starts slacking. I love him, he loves me, we have a great marriage. He is a brilliant dad. He works hard and 9 times out of ten everything he does is well meant (the other time he is being a selfish arse). However, he does not have any initiative and quite often will only do exactly what I have asked; and I mean to the letter, that it becomes counter productive. An example: Last weekend, on my 'lie-in' day, he took DD downstairs. I couldnt sleep in and got up after about 45 minutes, it was half past seven. DH started complaining that DD had sat next to him whilst he ate his breakfast and kept asking him for some and ended up eating it all. I asked him why he hadnt made her breakfast at the same time as he had made his and he replied with 'I thought she ate her breakfast at 8am and it is only 7.30'!!!! Even when it became obvious that DD was hungry (hence the reason she was eating all of his breakfast) he still didnt get off his bum and make her some! He also can not understand why he cant eat a chocolate biscuit in front of dd (who is 20 months) without her wanting one too. Earlier today he raided the biscuit tin whilst she was eating her dinner and couldnt understand why she then kicked off and wouldnt eat her broccoli.

I accept it isn't all men, but at 40 weeks pregnant you are completely entitled to have a 'bloody men' rant when your own is being a pain in the bum x

BOF · 14/04/2013 19:33

I suspect the OP has moved on too.

yousankmybattleship · 14/04/2013 19:37

Your man is lazy. Mine is great thank you. Hormones are no excuse for slagging off men in general. Have a word with your man if he's pissing you off and leave the rest alone.

ShellyBoobs · 14/04/2013 19:50

My OH is great, I'm far more lazy than he is. Grin

But I do sympathise; I think it's not obvious to all men just how hard work it can be, being up-duffed.

And... I have a friend whose DH thought that her being on maternity leave for a few weeks prior to giving birth was a good time for him to rest while she 'picked up the slack' - he soon changed his mind, though.

To be fair a lot of men are far from lazy.

SanityClause · 14/04/2013 20:03

Not picking up on the "men are lazy" comment is the opposite of supportive, IMO. This is because, it excuses him. If all men are like that, the OP shouldn't expect him to behave differently.

If all not all men lazy, she can discuss with him how he can shape up. That is, there is something she can do about it.

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 14/04/2013 20:08

I feel for you OP.

I'm 10 weeks pg with dc2, and my husband has been awesome with my nausea, sickness and backache. Other than go to work I've basically done nothing! I think I'd have died I I had to do housework, play robots with DS (5) and cook dinner, so he's a godsend!

You need to show your dh this thread so he can see he's being selfish and not doing his husbandly duties looking after his pg wife!!!

And I hope the birth goes smoothly :-)

SplitHeadGirl · 14/04/2013 20:11

I feel for you, OP. I totally get that when you are down and feeling stressed that you can end up cross and frustrated - I think some of the replies you have got have been pretty disgusting, to be honest. People have been very quick to jump on you and come over all offended and I think that is unfair. Especially as you are so pregnant.

My OH is very hardworking at his job- he also has an evening job on top of that but does very little around the house. When he is off, he likes to chill and relax, but I, with a p/t job and two toddlers and also 38 weeks pregnant, never ever stop....at least not until kiddies are in bed.

So I wonder if your situation is like mine - your man isn't so much lazy, just that he works hard at different things and doesn't prioritise housework. He might also not understand too well just how tiring being so heavily pregnant van be. Plus, maybe he feels you are so efficient and good at the things you do that you are feeling ok about him taking on less around the house. I know my husband thinks I am better at that stuff - and I am!!! He's ok when he does it but his standards are lower.

All the very VERY best with your little one. :)

apostropheuse · 14/04/2013 20:14

OP You've had a rough time here. I hope you don't let it get to you. For what it's worth I knew what you meant.

apostropheuse · 14/04/2013 20:16

Posted too soon.

Of course you didn't mean ALL men and you didn't say that. Perhaps you should have said some men, but even when you didn't it was still clear enough what you were saying and why you were saying it.

Oh and to be honest there seems to be a disproportionately high level of women with almost perfect super-duper men on this thread.

They must be bloody knitting them.

everlong · 14/04/2013 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 14/04/2013 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fizzykola · 14/04/2013 20:22

Fucks sake give the OP a break.

Of course you're entitled to a moan. And who doesn't generalise sometimes??

Some guys have their heads in the clouds. And yes some women too my sister being one. DH does and that's partly what I love about him. As well as frustrates the hell out of me. Life's not black and white is it?

When I was PG thd first time DH was all 'no no you sit down I'll do the hoovering'. Then when I mentioned a week later the house needed hoovering again he was like 'what, again?'Shock

Doesn't make them a bad person. Just a bit daft. And yes a bit lazy.

everlong · 14/04/2013 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ledkr · 14/04/2013 20:32

It's the attitude some people have towards men which makes some of them act and get away with being massive knobheads.
Generalising about them being lazy or having special sexual needs etc infuriates me. I'm sorry.

CandlestickOlder · 14/04/2013 20:36

What Ledkr said, exactly!

You have such a low opinion of him and men, why would he bother? In fact this opinion has probably meant you thought it was perfectly ok/normal to partner up with someone like this.

I'm another one whose OP is great!

Emilythornesbff · 14/04/2013 20:39

apostopheuse Grin
But I think you'll find these marvellous men are knitting themselves.

Ledkr · 14/04/2013 20:43

Oh and to be honest there seems to be a disproportionately high level of women with almost perfect super-duper men on this thread

Disproportionately high? Since when was it disproportionate for women to have a decent partner? I'd settle for nothing less to be honest.
I'd rather be on my own than carry some lazy sod.

fizzykola · 14/04/2013 20:43

Do you really think from reading the original post that she meant all men? I know it states it in the thread title. Of course it's daft to say 'all of anything'. As the OP says she didn't mean to cause offence. As I say anyone I know- myself included - does it from time to time, especially when frustrated.But other than that? Is that what the tone of the post is conveying? really? Cos I just hear a tired post-date woman.

BonaDrag · 14/04/2013 20:48

Oh don't get your knickers in a bunch over the OP's generalisations. You all know very well what she meant but in typical AIBU wankspannery you all gang up.

OP, if you haven't run away, I have a lazy DP too and it is very annoying.
Shape him up before it's too late. Trust me as I'm speaking from bitter experience and one DC later..

everlong · 14/04/2013 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fizzykola · 14/04/2013 20:56

Yes you're absolutely right, that should have been the title.

We're not all 100% right at communicating what we mean, all of the time.

Is that ok with you?

everlong · 14/04/2013 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seriouscakeeater · 14/04/2013 21:02

Grin Op your are BU to think you wouldn't open your self up to lots of crowing about how fantastic there fellas are! bollocks

yanbu to have a bloody rant now and again!

Im 37 weeks and a complete dying swan! Fat feet, swollen painful knee, inflamed ribs so tired I could cry..my dh has blinkers on when it comes to house work/DIY. I completely blame MIL for smothering him Its quite shocking really!
He is up stairs trying to put dd wardrobe together and has managed to spread out over three rooms, every where is a mess im hiding

Its my only gripe in all other aspects he is awesome, generous,funny ect that's why im with him, he probably thinks im bossy cow but non or the less utterly in love with each other.

Some of the bloody amateur phycology on this thread is ridiculous! get a grip!

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