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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why men are so lazy?!!

142 replies

Katrina33 · 14/04/2013 15:58

That's it really. I'm 40 + 4 pregnant and desperately trying to keep the house clean and tidy as well as do last minute things for baby...really restricted by huge bump and feeling exhausted....and dp is doing next to nothing....except make mess everywhere and researching growing potatoes...did you know you can grow them in sawdust?! . Also playing music whilst I'm trying to lie down.....

I know I'm probably oversensitive with hormones etc....but......

OP posts:

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 14/04/2013 16:25

I thought it was helpful. To say that no, it's not men, she shouldn't just shrug and think it's men, that he as an individual is being idle and inconsiderate and needs a kick up the arse.

How is that not supportive?

Not supportive would surely be to say no, you're unreasonable, you should be doing everything, stop complaining.

YoothaJoist · 14/04/2013 16:27

I didn't realise you could grow potatoes in sawdust, though. Thanks for the tip.

usualsuspect · 14/04/2013 16:28

I think it's supportive to tell the OP not all men are lazy and she should have a word with him.

BOF · 14/04/2013 16:32

Hec, I think it was comments like the bigotry one which were particularly unhelpful. And perhaps the fact that everyone piled on getting defensive about the "all men" fallacy, instead of acknowledging that the OP might not believe that to be literally true but just wanted to sound off about her own husband but phrased it badly in her knackeredness.

Taken collectively, the replies would feel rather snippy to a tired stressed person, I would have thought.

YoniHaveToAsk · 14/04/2013 16:32

Sorry op but your Man may be Lazy, Mine certainly is not. He does waaaay more than me. Being hormonal does not give you the right to slate every man. YABU.

Viviennemary · 14/04/2013 16:36

I don't think all men are lazy. But some don't see tidying up as a priority. But a lot of women don't either. From somebody who has been meaning to do some tidying since early this morning and has so far not done any. But you should say look I'm tired and this mess is getting me down. Could you please tidy up. And I expect he will.

purrpurr · 14/04/2013 16:39

I sort of know how you feel, OP, in that I'm coming up to the final stretch (37 weeks) and everything just seems to be falling apart. My hands are agony. My back is killing me. I'm drinking gaviscon like water. I'm starving all the time. The baby appears to be trying to dig or even scratch her way out of me, her fumblings in my inners have become a lot more pronounced. And when she turns over I honestly think she's just going to put a limb right through my skin. My DH must be suffering from compassion fatigue or something because he really couldn't care less, which is making me miserable. :( I know you said you're exhausted but can you decamp to a friend's house for some TLC? My mate is really good at tucking me up under a blanket and supplying me with lots of milky drinks and sausage butties etc.

ckwkatie · 14/04/2013 16:40

I feel for you, OP. Being recently pregnant and now with a newborn I don't think I would've coped with a lazy DP very well. Luckily mine is amazingly supportive. (Not helpful I know!) Yours needs a good talking to!

FWIW these fed up feelings might be consistent with impending labour! Good luck.

MissAnnersley · 14/04/2013 16:41

I agree ckwkatie.

By the time I was as far along as the OP is, everybody was being Unreasonable!

Toasttoppers · 14/04/2013 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/04/2013 16:47

Mine isn't lazy, he is however gormless about things that don't register with him. So I use words when telepathy fails.

Machli · 14/04/2013 16:48

I think MORE men than women are lazy and entitled.

Sorry you got jumped on OP. Your DP sounds like a selfish twat. Is he the kind that would respond to a request for a chat about how you're feeling, more importantly would he feel a bit bad that he's been taking the piss? Or does he just believe that This Is The Way Things Are, with Woman Tasks (ie domestic drudgery for you) and Man Tasks (ie cool research and little poncy bits of DIY for himself)?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2013 16:54

Don't delete the thread.

BUT - don't accept this shit behaviour from your DP because he is 'just' a man.

Not all men are lazy, your man is choosing to be lazy.

It is hard being 40+4, really hard. You have my every sympathy. But don't put up with his shit. Give him a list, and sit down!

expatinscotland · 14/04/2013 16:58

YABU. I wouldn't go out with a lazy arse, much less procreate with one. He wouldn't have made it that far. And it's not 'helping', it's pulling your own weight in life like a mature adult.

TigerSwallowtail · 14/04/2013 17:12

I'm 34+5 wks pregnant and am lying in bed, shattered and am about to have my second nap of the day. DP has just finished wallpapering the babies room, and is now painting the hall, keeping an eye on DS and making his dinner all at the same time.

All men aren't lazy, but your DP definitely is and needs to pull his finger out now and let you relax with your feet up! What do you think he would say if you asked him to run you a bath just now and then give the house a tidy while you had a soak?

firesidechat · 14/04/2013 17:20

My husband isn't lazy and I happen to know some lazy women, so YABU.

However have a bit of sympathy along with the YABU. It sounds frustrating.

ChairmanWow · 14/04/2013 17:20

I think it's clear you posted the thread, title and all, while feeling exhausted, frustrated and unsupported. Obviously not all men are lazy. Sorry others have chosen to slate you when you feel like shit. I've got a 2 week old so have recent experience of being huge, overdue and fed up.

Don't do anything else if it's too much. Have a word with Mr Sawdust Potatoes about his priorities. If the place is left to get messy then so be it. You need a rest and some support.

Good luck with the birth (and OH).

Buzzardbird · 14/04/2013 17:21

Oh OP, show him this thread and perhaps he might shape up a bit? I read your title and thought "oh dear, she is in for a slating".
'Some' men are lazy and perhaps those men are the ones you have experienced but on her the posters tend to know a completely different type of man. 'Some' women are also lazy.
I feel for you and how you are going to cope if he is no more use than a piece of furniture when the baby comes. His presence will just be more work for you unless you kick his ass now.
I can't believe he is being such a git when you need your rest.
Show him the thread the lazy get! Put your feet up whilst he makes dinner...and cleans up afterwards.

TigerSwallowtail · 14/04/2013 17:26

My post wasn't trying to slate you btw OP, just pointing out that your DP has no excuse for sitting around while you do everything. You've very much got my sympathies here!

fairylightsinthespring · 14/04/2013 18:41

blimey, give the OP a break - just because she missed out a word in her OP, ie "some" - you know what she means, ease up! This is the kind of thing that whatsherface on Radio 2 was talking about. Instead of picking her up on her sentence structure and quality of communication, how about giving her a sympathetic "there, there, yes he sounds like a lazy arse" even if you then follow it up with a "but mine is fab"

TiggyD · 14/04/2013 18:59

"And perhaps the fact that everyone piled on getting defensive about the "all men" fallacy, instead of acknowledging that the OP might not believe that to be literally true but just wanted to sound off " - BOF

I think it was a reasonable response to an obviously sexist remark. The OP was told it's not on and the thread can move forwards, but it did need to be said.

Startail · 14/04/2013 19:06

Is he being lazy or do you see mess that really doesn't matter.

In my experience men are not as house proud as many women. They haven't spent their whole lives feeling they are judged on the state of their surroundings.

That certainly doesn't mean they are lazy, but it does mean they only do housework if visitors are coming or something else makes it imperative.

Once your DC is crawling chancres are he'll Hoover and tidy dangerous things, but tidying for tidings sake is not a name trait.

Startail · 14/04/2013 19:07

Male trait.

BOF · 14/04/2013 19:10

Yes, Tiggy, I agree it needed pointing out. But once that's done, it doesn't require repeating like, eighteen times, surely?

JammySplodger · 14/04/2013 19:13

OP, you have my sympathy, really you do, but I suspect you'd get far more constructive replies if you start a new thread. However much you acknowledge you didn't actually mean all men, it's not a good start to a thread.

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