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"Ring me when you've arrived or i shall sit here and worry ... and ring me when you know what time you'll be on your way home" AIBU

209 replies

fluffyraggies · 10/04/2013 15:12

... to think NO mother, I wont! FGS

Please, i'm old enough to have a 20 year old daughter and i just want this break away from everything with my DH for our 1st anniversary, in Wales, and not worry about ringing people up every 10 minutes.

It's only 2 hours away. We're only there for 2 bloody nights - we're under heaps of stress right now, and it will all still be here waiting for us when we get back again. We just want to drive away tomorrow and forget about everything for a short time.

Do you all still ring your mothers when you arrive somewhere? Do they do the guilt trip thing if you don't? Am i just being a cow here?


OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/04/2013 15:18

Ohhh... Do we have the same mother? Shock

I'm away from home, traveling for at least three days a week and am expected to report in when I leave home, when I get there, when I leave, when I arrive home... arrrggghh.

You are most definitely, definitely, absolutely NOT being unreasonable.


bionic77 · 10/04/2013 15:20

Alternatively you could have a mother like mine who says "If I don't hear from you I know you're alright". Not sure how that works!!


aderynlas · 10/04/2013 15:21

How about call really quickly say youve arrived but there is simply no signal where you are so you will call again when you are home. Hope you and your dh have a lovely time.


zipzap · 10/04/2013 15:23

If she was babysitting young dc then I probably would but that would also be so that I could say good night to the dc or reassure them that we were all going to be having a lovely time.

And likewise if we were picking up dc from her then I probably would call when setting out so they had an idea of what sort of time we would be there...

However - as your dd is 20 I am assuming that she is not being babysat by her gran! - then no, I wouldn't! She is DBU.

I wouldn't normally ring my mum to say that we were off on a trip or starting our journey back if we were away, but if we were going on a holiday and were waiting at the ferry or airport etc then I might call for a chat to kill time if needed or to remind her about something or ask about something I'd forgotten.

If she is doing a journey from me and it's dark/snowy/I know she is tired, then I might get her to call me to let me know she is back safe after a couple of 'mis'adventures she has had getting lost on the journey home after thinking she knew a better way to go than official diversion routes HmmGrin

I might also call her up after having been at her house for a visit - but it wouldn't be as soon as I got back, more to say thank you and let her know that we got back safe, got the dc into bed OK etc.

Hope you get to have a lovely relaxing anniversary break by the way! Have some Thanks and Wine for the break!


BellaVita · 10/04/2013 15:24

Oh god OP thank The Lord it isn't just me with a mother like this!

I have been married 26 flaming years and she still treats me like a fucking child.


Bejeena · 10/04/2013 15:27

My inlaws are like this and it drives me mad sometimes. FIL will text my husband when we are driving somewhere and if he doesn't respond will then text me and I just feel like we are being invaded. I don't feel the need to tell them where we are, where we stopped, what time we will arrive etc. If it was just calling to say we arrived I might be able to cope with it.


5madthings · 10/04/2013 15:30

Mil is like this.

I work on the premises that if something bad happens they will hear about is from the police as we have emergency contact numbers in our phones.



Tee2072 · 10/04/2013 15:32

My mother just flew home from here to Florida. I only knew she arrived safely because she responded to a group email I sent about something or other while she was travelling.


BistoBear · 10/04/2013 15:34

My parents used to be like this and I always obliged with a quick call when we arrived at our holiday destination. Then they went to California for 3 weeks and didn't call until the 19th to say they'd got there OK! The voicemail said something about them having far too much fun to find the time to call Hmm


fluffyraggies · 10/04/2013 15:35

Thank you.

We live about 3 minutes walk apart. My DCs are 20, 18 and 15. They are looking after the house for us and are going to be keeping an eye on mum for me. She doesn't drive and often needs someone to 'pop' somewhere and do or get something.

This will be our only break this year. We really do have loads on our plate right now one way or another, and DH and i have been coping fine. Few spats, few tears, but we're working though it all (no choice really!)

And now for some reason i've thrown a wobbly over this! I'm over reacting, i know i am. It's ridiculous.

I'm an only child and my relationship with her is .... strained sometimes.

I really just honestly wondered if IWBU to think she shouldn't be telling me she'll be sat worrying.

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 10/04/2013 15:37

Oh x posted loads there!

It's not just me then. Thank goodness.

Thank you. You've made me :)

OP posts:

Booboostoo · 10/04/2013 15:40

My mum's the same! We have to be in constant phone contact every time someone in the family travels! The first time we traveled back home with one month old DD we were late calling her because the plane had been delayed and of course she could not get hold of us because mobiles were off during the flight, so first thing she says as soon as we called was "I thought you had died!!!". Yes sure, that's the most likely explanation for an hour's delay!


C4ro · 10/04/2013 15:41

My family have never done this but my DH family nearly always do, especially when going to or leaving the parents and grandparents. He will sometimes even ring his brother that we've got home OK... (a whole 45 minutes drive, gee, hope he didn't gnaw his fingers to the bone worrying...)

I think it's a bit ridiculous but it's very alien to me- if it was your normal baseline though, wouldn't you just be totally used to doing it by now? It's starting not to register with me after 6 years with him.


ExitPursuedByABear · 10/04/2013 15:41

Wales can be very dangerous you know.


FryOneFatManic · 10/04/2013 15:42

Thank goodness my parents aren't like this. They appreciate a quick call to say we're home and I often visit them over the next day or so and chat over coffee about the holiday, etc. That's it, and they would nag about the call either.

You have my sympathies. I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue if my mum asked for me to keep calling her.


OrangeFootedScrubfowl · 10/04/2013 15:45

Haha! You have my mother too!

But I've gone the same way. Hmm


WildlingPrincess · 10/04/2013 15:47

My Mother doesn't give a shit what I do. She hasn't rang me in 4 months even though she knows I'm having problems. I wish she did care Sad Though YANBU. You're an adult!


OHforDUCKScake · 10/04/2013 15:50

I have a mother who, in her own words says "no news is good news" with regards to me.

I dont think she means it badly though.

And Id prefer one who doesnt ask than one that expects to be told daily.


FayeKorgasm · 10/04/2013 15:51

It must be a nightmare OP. Would a compromise work? Perhaps you could text your DC when you arrive and they could let her know?


PregnantPain · 10/04/2013 15:53

YY to Wales being dangerous, sheep can give chase at the drop of a hat and no one told me about that, oh no


fluffyraggies · 10/04/2013 15:53

if it was your normal baseline though, wouldn't you just be totally used to doing it by now?

Well ... she goes through phases of asking for a call. If we're getting on a plane she doesn't expect a call as we go, but wants one as we land. In the main i just 'forget' tbh. It's all so unnecessary. It's all wrapped up in the fact that she always tries to make me feel guilty about going away on holidays at all if we're going to get to the nitty gritty.

I just want some peace. I'm just a bit strung out. And my mum doesn't bring out the best in me.

I'm so glad i started this thread though. I needed to! It's released a valve somewhere Grin

As usual when you ask something here ... you find you're never the only one.

OP posts:

flossieraptor · 10/04/2013 15:54

My dad always tells me to give him a call to let him know I got home safe. He doesn't ask my brother to do any such thing so on principle I have always forgotten. THey have now stopped bothering to ask.

Don't do what a friend of mine did, never called his parents and got stopped by Interpol on his way home through the airport as he had been reported as a missing person Shock


lisaro · 10/04/2013 15:56

Oh dear. I AM that mother. Disclaimer - only if going abroad or long journey, travelling in bad weather or maybe the very odd occasion otherwise. I'll even accept a quick ring of the phone, blank text, doesn't have to be a full on call.
I may sound bitter, but like a lot here, my mother isn't like that, and it's not nice. It may be a pain but just be grateful she cares, and sorry if that sounds like I'm moralising, I'm really not, it's said with a smile, but types out as sounding bitter.


fluffyraggies · 10/04/2013 15:57

Y to texting the DCs. I will.

I can already envisage the call to our house ... on the answer machine ...
''Hallooooo is there anyone theeeeere??? Humph. Will one of you girls ring me - i've not heard from your mother!''


OP posts:

Feminine · 10/04/2013 15:58

Some people just worry. a bit

I like to be told if someone has arrived.

Many people in my family ask the same of me.

My Mum is a real worrier , really panics. I just let the panic drift over my head...and away!

I always call. YANBU to wish she didn't add that last bit on, but, its very common.

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