"Ring me when you've arrived or i shall sit here and worry ... and ring me when you know what time you'll be on your way home" AIBU

[fluffyraggies]

... to think NO mother, I wont! FGS

Please, i'm old enough to have a 20 year old daughter and i just want this break away from everything with my DH for our 1st anniversary, in Wales, and not worry about ringing people up every 10 minutes.

It's only 2 hours away. We're only there for 2 bloody nights - we're under heaps of stress right now, and it will all still be here waiting for us when we get back again. We just want to drive away tomorrow and forget about everything for a short time.

Do you all still ring your mothers when you arrive somewhere? Do they do the guilt trip thing if you don't? Am i just being a cow here?

Venting.

[chocoluvva]

I'm probably going to come over as moralising too, but this reminds me of my mum and how I used to think she was so annoying when she did the same thing. However I did always ring her as it's such a small thing to do to keep her happy. DH or I ring his mum when we've arrived back home from staying with her.

[OhDearNigel]

I always phone my mum. She is a real worry-guts and if I've been doing something where I know she will be worrying I always let's her know I'm safe. We have a code that means I am ok - I ring 3 times then ring off. I even rang her a couple of times when I had to make a longish journey in all the snow as she was very anxious about me

If it makes your mum feel better why on earth wouldn't you call her ?

[foreverondiet]

Just send a text. Takes 5 seconds why not. My mum is the same.

[chocoluvva]

She doesn't have a mobile.

Perhaps you could get her a mobile for this very purpose OP.

[thermalsinapril]

Send her a text message to her landline so it phones her up and says "Hi Mum I've arrived" in a metallic voice.

[Itsjustapuppet]

My dad is also of the "give me 3 rings when you're home" variety. Usually when I get home from work. At five in the afternoon. Then he always answers after the first ring. I like to think DH would notice if I didn't come home and raise the alarm.

[Pandemoniaa]

a mother just lives worrying about her children all day long, that I have learnt since I am onw

I fear that I must be lacking in maternal concern then. Admittedly mine are grown up but I really don't worry about them all day long. I'm always here for them when needed but constant worrying isn't healthy.

[nannyof3]

Its only a quick phone call -

Your lucky.

My mum died 2 years ago, i wish i could phone her!!!

[5madthings]

But its not just a quick phone call nanny the op has explained that. And don't try and give her a guilt trip. The op sees and and speaks to her mother lots, she wants ONE weekend where she doesn't have to!!

I agree with laqueen

[pointythings]

My mother doesn't do this - I called her last week when we got back from visiting her in Holland, but that is very much not normal routine.

My cousin on the other hand has this with her mother, who is a total narcissist and very controlling - she's having a battle to break free. YADNBU.

[FannyBazaar]

Never had that sort of relationship with my Mum. Many many years ago when I was 21 and travelling the world aimlessly on my own, I may have made a promise to let my parents know which country I was in or if I left the country. Over a couple of weeks I left several messages with my brother 'tell them I'm leaving Japan and going to Singapore', 'tell them I'm in Singapore, I don't have a number and don't know how long I'll stay', 'tell them I'm in Indonesia now', 'tell them I'm back in Singapore', 'tell them I'm going to London today'. They had no way of contacting me as we didn't have mobiles and I was of no fixed abode.

My brother always took the messages without comment and showed no interest in my travels, I guess he passed the messages on. No one ever said thanks for telling us!

[FryOneFatManic]

chocoluvva Quote from OP "she wont ''do'' texts. Her mobile is in the bread bin, turned off, and that's where it stays. She wont leave a proper message on an answer machine either."

[Chandon]

oh, my MIL does this.

And I always oblige

She explained to me once that one of the curses of getting older is that you start worrying terribly about the people you love. I have noticed that now I am older, and have a bit more experience in life, and am beginning to understand quite how fragile we all are ( ) and having been to a few funerals....I get it, really.

It is not controlling, but general anxiety. I usually send a txt.

could you not text your mum?! Or was that mentioned earlier and did I miss it? she does not do it to annoy you, she loves you and worries about you.

[Chandon]

ok, so she does not do txts.

Then have partner call, he can keep it short and say you are busy but just wanted to let you know they arrived o.k.

[Pollykitten]

I read your mad mother stories and raise you not being allowed to leave my mum on her own in the restaurant for two minutes whilst I fetched some lip salve from my hotel room grrrrrrrr! I am 37, or 6 depending on your POV

[FryOneFatManic]

She explained to me once that one of the curses of getting older is that you start worrying terribly about the people you love.

Mmm, not my mum, no. She's okay if I call when I get home, or the next day, or maybe not at all. She's one of the "no news is good news" sort.

On the other hand, I have a friend who's mum is toxic and the call on arrival, call on getting home, etc, is definitely a form of controlling behaviour from her mum. I've met the mum, and frankly am glad she's not my mum. (She tried to be nice, but the toxic stuff did seep through when she thought I wasn't paying attention.)

[Pandemoniaa]

I sympathise with anyone who has lost their mother, nanny. Mine died 3 years ago and yes, I'd love to be able to talk to her again.

But let's not guilt trip everyone on this thread who would be driven potty by being required to report in constantly every time they have the temerity to leave their own (adult) homes. Something I would have found intolerable.

[chocoluvva]

Hmmm 5madthings. I do kind of take your point about the OP wanting to completely get away from it all for one weekend.

On the other hand though, just as it's easy to criticise posters who no longer have their mums for giving the OP a guilt trip, it is often the case that you regret not being nicer to close relations after they've died. It's only when you no longer have your mum that you see things in a different light. Nobody wants to hear the sort of advice that nanny is giving, but that doesn't make her advice unreasonable.

[Bunbaker]

"She explained to me once that one of the curses of getting older is that you start worrying terribly about the people you love."

That is certainly true of MIL. I think it is due to her lack of confidence about travelling, so she transfers her fears to our trips. She is not controlling in the slightest, she just panics if she doesn't hear from us.

[chocoluvva]

Well, we don't know the extent of the OP's mum's anxiety; whether it's anxiety or a desire to be controlling. Neither will stem from her being happy though.

Why get het up about making a 5 minute phone call? It's such a small thing to do.

[thebody]

Ok deep breath I am like your mother.

My older 2 who are grown up have to endure a daily phone call from me or texts just to tell me they are alive.

Younger teen dds are texted at least every hour when out if the house.

None of them minds. Disclaimer dd was badly hurt in a fatal crash aged 12.

If any of my children are on a motorway I cannot relax.

Perhaps your mum feels as anxious. It's vile. Just call her aye.