to wonder when is pornography acceptable

[tootiesfrootsie]

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

[unebagpipe]

IMO the OP needs to think of this in context. Her OH hasn't bought porn, downloaded it, or gone to a strip club. He's been given (probably not very hardcore- it's nhs!) laminated budget printouts to attempt to stimulate him. For a medical purpose. Women never have an orgasm on demand. Cut the guy a little slack on this occasion. It's a one-off occurrence and not really a 'pleasurable' one as its to check his sperm mobility/quality.

Yes, he's joked about the laminate sheets- probably trying to make light of the situation. It's hardly string fellows, so I would see this as something he's done for the both of you and notch it up as something to be forgotten.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

Motherhood doesn't just have to be endured or survived. It can be enjoyed. Please get some help

[Wannabestepfordwife]

Please go see your gp OP you don't have to feel like this it's not fair on you or your dc. Gps are bound by confidentiality so if you are worried about ss then they won't get involved unless your a threat to your dc- your obviously not if you are so concerned about your dc you won't drive upset.

I completely understand why you feel disrespected and that you feel like your dh has put himself first. I can understand why he needed to use porn in that situation but it was unnecessary for him to disregard your feelings by talking about the laminates.

There really isn't the stigma there was about PND one of my friends goes to a PND group and it's really helped her to rationalise her feelings and meeting others in the same boat has been a great support to her.

Step away from the clothes have a hot sweet tea and call your gp

[niceguy2]

OP, please listen to what the others have said. Go to see your GP and see if you are suffering from PND or anything else.

Because seriously this is a storm in a teacup.

And to be blunt if you think this is 'offence' is worthy of breaking up your family and that your life will be better without him then you are going to be in for a hell of a shock. Being a single parent is no picnic so if that's the way you wish to go then you seriously need a better reason than he had a wank in a hospital to provide a specimen for a test.

[cricketballs]

I've reported this thread as it just seems to be getting delusional in terms of the ops responses

[Lilithmoon]

OP I am really concerned for you. Please seek advice from someone in real life. I hope you are ok.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Good call cricket was considering reporting it myself.

[MadamFolly]

Please go to your GP op, no matter what the feelings on porn your reaction is disproportionate.

[Schmoozer]

I also agree,
Massive overvreaction here,
My dp needed to wank in a clinic around our IVF experiences,
They provided glossies
So what ?
You sound in a bad way,
Your DH is apologising, saying he did for the family, he sounds ok to me in this regard
Please see your gp / health visitor / practice nurse

[will19]

Part of me hopes this is not true and that a whole family is not in this situation, the other half hopes that it is not just for the controversy.

Either way I have been motivated to reply (hopefully constructively) I think probably there is a bit of overreaction here. Heres my take from the other side of the fence, hopefully it'll bring a little perspective.

THE BACKGROUND
Aged 30 (3 years back) the quacks told me I'd got Rheumatoid Arthritis, first drug of choice is methotrexate, so far as I understand it this drug has a similar effect to phlidomide (even from the male side) and that's if you manage to conceive because of the negative impacts on sperm count and morphology. Que lots of painkillers and steroid jabs to try to put off having this drug.

Aged 32 (last year) with no sign of a bump, I had to get checked, first 'production' was at home, (not a great experience) then a manic drive to get the sample to the clinic in time. Result ZERO.

Follow up testing all had to be done in the hospital for freshest possible...

BACK TO THE POINT
Having to produce on demand is a pretty horrific experience, you get locked in a little (6ftx4ft) white breezeblock cubicle, it's pretty cold and clinical, massively overlit and not at all sexy, you know that on the other side of the little steel door at the back of the cubicle there is a whole array of doctors waiting to check what you produce (you can here them talking for starters) The seats are plastic topped and squeak everytime you move (and for production you'll be needing rapid movements) so try not to make the seat squeak (at the same time you can hear the seat from two cubicles down going hell for leather) Then there's the time issue, more than 20 mins and you get chucked out so as not to hold up the queue. but then what? you dont want to get done in 30sec the nurses'll be laughing till home time (in reality they are very kind and do the best to be human and calm you down before you go in) Feeling sexy by now?? nope me neither, It's a medical requirement, it needs to be done so if you want kids (or not have anymore) it takes what it takes!!

For me the first time was the worst, there's enough for ICSI. But worried about a no show on the day or if I had to go onto methotrexate quickly the hospital wanted some 'in the bank' so to speak. Took two visits per week for almost two months till they were happy. Quickly learned that the hospital supplied stuff was rubbish 70's era (just boobs and bums, I assume even the NHS has some moral dilemas with harder porn as well) My wife was not overly impressed with magazines either, however she could see that it was for medical reasons not sexual gratification. Our solution in the end was (tastefull and now deleted) pictures of wife on netbook. (Although the time I forgot to turn down the sound before turning off beforehand, meant that I had the windows logon sound playing at full volume in the cubicle, left with a cherry red face that time!)

Summary...
From the mans side it's pretty horrific. (read the above and apply a little bit of perspective)

Overreacting just a wee bit

Perhaps see GP / talk to a well grounded family member, re post natal depression and the help that's available

If he ever needs another check and you don't want him looking at pictures of other women, perhaps consider last paragraph of above tale of woe??


I really hope that things work out for the better for you, you man and your children's sake.

I also hope that 'above tale of woe and humiliation' has at least given a bit more perspective on the situation, perhaps even put a smile on your face even if just for a moment..

W

[Bowlersarm]

Good post will. Helps to see it from a male perspective

[SmellieWellies]

Lovely post will. :)

[mumofweeboys]

Hi

You seem very low and cant imagine you have had a great sex life with the op and 2 small kiddies. It would leave me feeling very vunerable and finding dh looking at porn probably would upset me - even if I knew it was not a reasonable reaction

Im guessing your dh was trying to make light of the situation by telling you it was laminated.

Have u tried talking to dh or even sending him letter/email about how u r feeling about yourself.

If your worried about gp. How about trying relate instead and working on your relationship together.

I was upset when I found my oh had been looking at porn while I was at work but after a long chat with him I relaxed a bit. He explained he didnt want me any less but that sometimes a guy just want to pleasure himself and porn is quickest way to get the result - like a tool lol.

[ShellyBoobs]

YABVVVVVU

[cjel]

I don't think you are over reacting and I don't like the idea that a hospital provides porn . I would feel very uncomfortable with it. What if a DH could only provide a sample with hard core or child porn would they provide that. How DH provides the sample should be left to him. He knows you didn't like it and feel bad about your body. BUT I don't think its a LTB I think its a 'I hated it when you did that and its really upset me' can you understand that he may have felt he had no choice and it was part of a medical procedure to him and not cheating? >>> Unpack his bags and let him comfort you when he comes home.

[WorriedMummy73]

What if a DH could only provide a sample with hard core or child porn would they provide that.

Ridiculous.

[cjel]

To myou maybe, but OP feels the same about any porn

[WorriedMummy73]

No, it's a ridiculous thing to suggest that a hospital would provide child pornography.

And to try to insinuate that all porn is the same, when clearly it isn't.

[PhallicGiraffe]

I think that, if you don't like the porn, you should have personally gone down to the hospital, and 'helped' him wank off.

[Fargo86]

What kind of porn do they provide? Just top shelf mags? Or do they have special NHS approved porn?

Would it be ok with the OP if it was just a lads mag with no nudity?

[Bowlersarm]

Cjel you are trying to throw fuel on the fire with references to child pornography. This isn't the case and you are distorting it

[cjel]

I and OP am against any porn and our reaction to it is the same as yours to child porn, that is exactly why we find it offensive to suggest a hospital will offer any porn. I am not insinuating just getting my message across how OP and I feel about any porn.

[WorriedMummy73]

Seriously Cjel? You are implying that consenting adult porn is the same as child rape? You're sick in the head if you believe that. Oh, and the OP said nothing about child pornography so she may not appreciate you dragging her into your belief system, which is pretty twisted.

[ubik]

Crikey, DP had a vasectomy and I just let him get on with whatever he had to do. In the scheme of things to worry about it doesn't really make the top thousand.