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AIBU?

to wonder when is pornography acceptable

208 replies

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 14:07

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

OP posts:

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tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:11

I will be a while updating. I am off to drop his clothes off. Thanks to those of you who have supported me.

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WorriedMummy73 · 10/04/2013 16:11

Ok, I have MH issues. I've had Ante-natal depression (twice) and am still suffering from PND. I have been absolutely rock-bottom. I have had the suicidal days (and still get them). And I got help. I couldn't give a flying fuck what the 'government' think. What do they have to do with you and your family?

And yes, I'm being harsh. Because your refusal to help yourself is a refusal to help your family. Inevitably your relationship WILL suffer. And don't think for a second that your children won't be affected by your PND as they get older because they are more perceptive than you think. My DD (11) knows when I'm having a bad day and is amazing in her responses. I could cry when she helps out with her younger brothers and offers to make me coffee and what-not. But she shouldn't have to deal with it so I keep it from her as much as possible. And that's on meds.

You NEED to get help. If you are existing for your children, then GET SOME HELP. You can't be there for them properly otherwise. So please, please see your GP. And forget about outside attitudes to MH.

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/04/2013 16:11

And there's no medal for pretending to be ok. Take it from someone who could have written your posts a few years ago.
Please get some help.

StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:14

I'm sorry that I was replying to the op. you asked a question, I answered it.

There is obviously more going on than just porn. Lots of people will comment on the porn issue rather than your MH issues as this thread is primarily about porn.

You should start another thread where people can you help you more.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 10/04/2013 16:15

Your not really dropping his clothes off are you?

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:16

Whenshe - should I not drop them off? Should I cut them up or burn them?

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WorriedMummy73 · 10/04/2013 16:18

Tooties - you should leave the clothes alone and make an appointment with your GP! Or are you seriously going to break up your family over something trivial because you won't deal with your own issues? Stop playing avoidance games. Get yourself sorted.

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/04/2013 16:19

worried is right - you my think your kids won't pick up on it, but they will.
Even if you don't want to get help for your own sake (which,, btw, is a classic symptom of depression - 'i'll just cope, it doent matter if im miserable because i dont matter') - do it for them.
Imagine the burden you are placing on your DC - making them the only reason you're alive. That's not fair on them.
Please be aware that you sound very depressed and irrational - and I know that because when I'm having an episode I sound just like that! And please take this is the way it's meant :) you're not well and there's no way to just will it away, any more than with a physical illness.

StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:20

Phone the gp right now, you need help.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 10/04/2013 16:21

Put the clothes down and phone your GP.

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:21

Starry - So porn is ok, but just for medical reasons? Or porn is ok full stop?

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StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:26

It was aid to help him at the hospital. He's not coming in with mags I brown paper bags.

My oh had to do the same, I wasn't particularly happy but wasn't going to throw him out or burn his clothes!

kinkyfuckery · 10/04/2013 16:31

If you are genuinely going to throw out your partner because he masturbated whilst having his vasectomy appointment, you really ought to speak to someone about your mental health issues.

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:31

Starry-he didn't need to do it though did he? Originally when he had the vasectomy all he had to do was pop a sample in from home to the hospital. He left it too long and had to go down this route!!

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StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:32

Exactly what KF said!

StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:33

So what did you want him to do????

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:33

Kinky - Maybe this is the last straw. Or maybe I'm just fucked up in the head and that's how I roll?

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StarryAngel1984 · 10/04/2013 16:34

Ever thought he put it off because of your reaction?

niceguy2 · 10/04/2013 16:36

So porn is ok, but just for medical reasons? Or porn is ok full stop?

That's a question which will divide a lot of people. You have many who viciously hate it and others who don't mind as long as the actors are consenting adults.

In your situation the fact is that your OH was in a hospital and needed to provide a specimen. In that clinical environment and given that a hospital won't be supplying the really distasteful stuff to him, that it can be understood why he decided to use porn to help him.

He should also be given a bit of credit for telling you the truth despite knowing your feelings on the matter because the easier option would have been to lie.

I think you need to put this into perspective and decide if you really want to throw him out because of a single wank in a hospital to provide a medical sample and/or whether or not you want to react in such a way as to encourage him to lie to you in the future.

howshouldibehave · 10/04/2013 16:36

Where are you taking his clothes?

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:37

Starry? put what off? not going for 17 months? different appointment, different hospital, different method of collecting semen. And that's why I say read the whole thread....

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Crawling · 10/04/2013 16:37

Its never acceptable. If a man can have a wank through mental images at home then he can in clinic.

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tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:38

howshould - they are here next to me in a bag

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howshouldibehave · 10/04/2013 16:39

You sound incredibly difficult to live with-the porn issue seems irrelevant having read your more recent posts. Perhaps it would be better if you and your DH had some time apart whilst you seek professional help?

tootiesfrootsie · 10/04/2013 16:39

Niceguy - He never had the option to lie. I knew what he was going to do. I objected. He ignored.

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