to wonder when is pornography acceptable

[tootiesfrootsie]

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

[Fargo86]

Cjel comparing porn involving children with porn involving consenting adults is as ridiculous as comparing sex involving children with sex involving consenting adults.

[cjel]

Of course adult sex isn't the same as child rape, I am saying that my view of any pornography is the same. I don't think that sex is a spectator sport. I feel it is something for two adults to do in private and not to be shared.my belief system is not twisted it is shared by a lot of people not least people who work with rescuing trafficked girls who are used to make porn, It is also almost impossible to tell who is consenting adult and who is abused young woman when being viewed( are they under or over age?). so It is not possible to say glossies are all mature consenting adults.

[VisualiseAHorse]

Honestly.

Do not think the porn/adult porn/child porn/whatever the NHS provide is the issue here.

The issue is the OP's mental health.

[unebagpipe]

Visualise- well said. Jeepers creepers... Not sure how 'child porn' crept in. All very odd.

[cjel]

Sorry didn't mean to detract from more serious issue of OP not coping, but I wanted to try and show some posters the reaction that some of us have to any porn.
OP I hope you are feeling a little better and can be kind to yourself and DH when he gets home.xx

[will19]

Mmmm fargo86, cjel, et al. from someone who's been there (in the cubicle) I refer you to previous post...

'Took two visits per week for almost two months till they were happy. Quickly learned that the hospital supplied stuff was rubbish 70's era (just boobs and bums, I assume even the NHS has some moral dilemas with harder porn as well) '

There's no frickin way on earth the NHS would provide anything remotely off centre, think page3 of the sun or at worst page3 of the dailysport and you'll not be far wrong...

Now I'm old enough to have helped police/fire/ambulance with some pretty shitty stuff (mainly accidents on ice on the A1 and cars/people tumbled into fields, some fatal some not) I can confirm that after a horrific experience that it is easier to deal with a crap situation with laughter, It's just a human coping strategy under adversity. Certainly after my first time in the white box I found it a very degrading process. My coping strategy (after a coffee and 5min to think) was to call my wife and make fun of it. It's the only way to relieve the stress without crying. I would suggest remark about laminated mags was a coping strategy (even if unbeknownst) to get through the humiliating and dehumanizing process of a date with the plastic pot.

To the OP

Again show tolerance for sake of whole family. (OH will also need reassurance after getting the snip, for your families benefit as a whole / having to go through the experience of the 'cubicle')

Talk Talk Talk, to a GP / relate / family / OH it does not matter to who but just talk to someone

[cumfy]

So you told him the porn was a deal breaker and he went ahead used it and admitted to using it ?

Looks like he wants the relationship to end doesn't it ?

[SirBoobAlot]

OP as someone with a long term mental health issue... Please go and see your GP. Get some help. If you're feeling as low as you are saying, it's so easy to take things to heart; DP got his wording wrong in a sentence earlier, saying he'd never put me before [hobby], when obviously he meant the other way around. I burst into tears. Complete over reaction.

I hope since you last posted you have calmed down, reflected, and spoken to someone about how you're feeling. Because you really don't need to feel like this. I was sectioned the year before I was pregnant, and have a diagnosis with a huge stigma attached; I have had nothing but support from professionals.

You don't have to be struggling like this because you are a mother.

Please get some help. Mind are a really good place to start if you don't feel like talking to your GP right now.

[holidaysarenice]

Crikey your poor dh!!
Not only does he have to produce semen in thee most non-sexual environment with a time pressure and people nearby....then he has to listen to you moaning about how upset you are!!

Here's a grip. Next time you could use it to help your husband produce the medical semen.

See how you feel then.

[Damash12]

I think you're totally overreacting. Your Dh has had a vacesectomy and to check it's "worked" is asked to do the bit. I thought it was the norm to have the books there for this purpose (maybe naive) anyway, he's hardly gonna be in the mood in those circumstances and it's not as though you've caught him downloading hardcore films in the middle of the night or something. Sorry, but I feel a bit sorry for him.

[oneluckydad]

I personally think you are over reacting.

Has anyone asked why you didn't personally 'give him a hand' to produce the sample?

He would of probably preferred it that way too. Would of saved a lot of hassle.

I am not criticising you. I can totally understand after having two young children you may be having a tough time and that you may not be feeling confident about yourself, but the guy is your husband, no doubt loves and fancies you to bits despite your current feelings about yourself.

Overreacting to something so trivial will only chip a way at your relationship, which Im sure you wouldn't want to do.

I find many who criticise men looking at porn dont have the best sex lives with their partner.

Surely them using a bit of fantasy and escapism for relief is better than them seeking physical attention from elsewhere?

[VeryObviousBeforeNameChange]

You need help. You sound totally out of it and need to get a grip. He had a wank over porn - so bloody what! You chucking his clothes out!? The poor bloke must be a bloody saint to put up with such erratic and disproportional behaviour!

[SirYoniAlot]

MNHQ has there been any activity from the OP since she last posted here? It was two days ago now, and her post suggested a concerning mindset, followed by the fact she was going out driving.

Call me a drama llama or whatever, but am now a bit worried.

[HoHoHoNoYouDont]

I've just skimmed this thread and cannot believe this comment

What if a DH could only provide a sample with hard core or child porn would they provide that

Seriously FFS.

If anyone knew of someone needing to wank off to child porn then they'd be reporting them to the police not providing them with material to do it FFS.

[cjel]

If you had done more than skimmed you would also have seen that my point was that whether the it is children or child trafficked underage girls made to look like women my disgust about porn is the same. I don't know how it can be proven that the people in any porn are willing. and find it wrong that the NHS are giving out any porn. I know that people think that there is 'good' porn between consenting adults but I am not convinced. That statement was to provoke that reaction of horror as that is what I feel about any porn.

[squoosh]

So you feel equal horror towards child porn and legal porn? Wow.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

I don't think the recent additions to this thread will be helping the OP, who has already been told that she is being unreasonable, has shown that she is not thinking straight and has been advised (and pleaded with) to get help from her GP or a mental health professional.

Comparing porn to child porn is not helping her, and is far too stupid to need to be debated.

[niceguy2]

I don't know how it can be proven that the people in any porn are willing.

Don't be daft. Of course you can. If two adults are paid and sign a contract to say they will produce a porn film then they are consenting and willing to do it.

Now you may claim that the woman only does it because of the money and that she isn't happy doing it. True but then plenty of us do jobs we don't like but it doesn't mean we are not 'willing'

[oneluckydad]

Of course there are women exploited in the creation of pornography, much like any industry.

Clothing sold on the high street has been made in sweatshops, child labour used in the manufacturer of iPhones.

With every industry there are dark sides that are terrible, and action should be taken to remove those at risk.

It is entirely possible for pornography to be used in a sensible and responsible manner.

[sweetiepie1979]

Are you kidding? The guy needed some stimulation for goodness sake he didn't have an affair! I think your feeling really sensitive about your issues and it feels like he has betrayed you because your not thinking clearly, I certainly wouldn't expect him to apologise he hasn't done anything wrong! They needed a sample maybe an alternative might have been if you had got babysitters and went with him and wanked him off but oh dear I think is rather he got on with it himself. I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest I mean it's all a bit clinical probably not the sexiest time he's had and in sure he'd rather it was with you. You have given birth to 2 babies and it is totally understandable that your body feels wrecked at the moment but it will get better and you will get your sexual relationship back. But I really feel your giving the poor guy a hard time are there other problems you can't back his clothes up for just this! Please find a way of laughing it off together I know if it was my husband he'd be mortified he'd have to do it in Ann empty room with porn mags at a hospital for those purposes we would laugh a lot and then I'd ask him what pictures he'd liked and the. I'd laugh at him more. Please don't upset yourself further this man loves you.

[MooMooSkit]

Some of these posts have been bizarre! I must be weird to fargo as i reguarly will get myself off thinking of my partner (I think he is extremly sexy as he does me!) Don't get me wrong, I think Tom Hardy is a very attractive man but I'd still choose to think of my OH, think your a bit weird for dismissing women that choose to think of their own partners to get off "strange"

I'm not sure what I think about this, I think YABU for throwing him out 100% but at the same time you did make it clear you wasn't happy, I have no issues with porn myself even though my partner doesn't watch it but he does have plenty of videos on his phone of me he watches if we are apart but then I'm guessing that wouldn't of been an option for you as you sound so down about yourself?

I agree, you do need to go and see a GP because it's not normal to be wishing life away like you are, your partner disrespected your wishes and that's not on, but without him knowing how bad you are feeling, how is he meant to help?

[sweetiepie1979]

That statement was to provoke that reaction of horror as that is what I feel about any porn.

Bit selfish we are here to support OP. she doesn't need shocked into anything. Nor do the rest of us. If you haven't got anything to say that get help the OP go forward, find another thread for your bizarre link between All porn.

[SirYoniAlot]

Can we all stop having a go at the OP now? She's shown she's not in a good place mentally, and some of these replies really will not help.

[chris481]

He never had the option to lie. I knew what he was going to do. I objected. He ignored.

Maybe he doesn't share your view on porn. He doesn't have to do what you want. Many people have barking views on a range of subjects, their spouses probably should not adjust behaviour to accommodate such views. A porn magazine is sufficiently mainstream in our culture that an NHS wanking room feels able to provide it. You view of porn is (quite literally) eccentric.

I would like to hear honest experiences of the men who had to do it alone in a hospital cupboard/toilet/cubicle. I think most would need some visual stimulation.

I have done it. The magazines weren't essential. However if DW had expected me to heed her opinion about using them I would have thought she was controlling, crazy or arrogant, depending on the exact reasons for her expectation.

For me the most joy-killing part of the whole exercise was a receptacle of considerably smaller diameter than (any adult) penis, making the procedure really difficult, as you had to hold the receptacle pressed against the tip with the wanking hand. The difficulty that created was a negative factor several times as large as the magazine was positive.

So you told him the porn was a deal breaker and he went ahead used it and admitted to using it ?

Looks like he wants the relationship to end doesn't it ?

Responsibility for ending a relationship rests with the person who does it. Not complying with ultimatums do not mean someone wants to end a relationship, it just means they refuse to be bullied. To illustrate with some hyperbole: if I tell my wife it's a "deal-breaker" if she doesn't give me all her money and a blow-job in the middle of the high street, and keep my word when she refuses, she's not the one who's ended the relationship.

[Wannabestepfordwife]

siryonialot completely agree with you I don't understand why people feel the need to kick someone who's so obviously down.

If your reading op really hope your ok and you've found someone to talk to.