to wonder when is pornography acceptable

[tootiesfrootsie]

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

[howshouldibehave]

I thought you said you were going out to drop his clothes out??

[StarryAngel1984]

I have twice, all I can see is someone who clearly needs help overreacting about something small. He wasn't shagging someone else, he was checking a medical procedure had worked!!

[Sallystyle]

We did DH samples at home and sent them off to the lab.

No wanking off to porn needed. Plus, even if he did have to do it in a clinic he wouldn't need porn to orgasm. He can managed perfectly fine without it and has done since he was a teen as he hates porn and what it stands for.

YANBU in your feelings at all, OP.

[howshouldibehave]

Drop his clothes off, even!

[Fargo86]

What man wants to wank over pics of his wife? Do you fantasise about your husband while you masturbate?

I think the OP might be on a wind-up tbh. I sincerely hope that is the case.

[tootiesfrootsie]

howshouldibehave - I am incredibly difficult to live with. Like I have said before I am trying my best. Trying to get to the end of it but not seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

[StarryAngel1984]

Exactly! I don't fantasise about oh as I can have him at any time. I think of Daniel Craig :)

[tootiesfrootsie]

Fargo - I don't masturbate, I had a cyst removed from my vagina after giving birth. It has left me feeling very low about my lady bits.

[howshouldibehave]

If you accept that, yet don't access professional help, then you are heading towards a breakdown or a divorce. Do you not want something better for your children?

[tootiesfrootsie]

howshould - I'm trying to calm down first, I don't want to drive upset with the little ones in the car.

[Sallystyle]

BTW I should have added that while your feelings aren't U your actions to me seem to be a little extreme.

However, you obviously aren't happy and the porn was just perhaps the straw that broke the camels back.

[Sallystyle]

Fargo.. Actually, if I am going to get myself off I will use the mental image of my husband over some stranger every time.

Is that odd?

[tootiesfrootsie]

howshouldi-Yes I do want something better for my children which is why I have put up with it for so long.

[Fargo86]

Samu2, yes I would say it is.

[digerd]

I would like to hear honest experiences of the men who had to do it alone in a hospital cupboard/toilet/cubicle. I think most would need some visual stimulation.

OP
2 babies in 19 months . How do you manage? I couldn't. You must be exhausted.

[kinkyfuckery]

Have you posted before about problems with your husband?

[howshouldibehave]

I'm confused-are you trying to calm down before seeking help or before taking your husband's clothes somewhere, OP?

[kinkyfuckery]

Given birth twice in 19 months? I thought your husband's vasectomy was 19 months ago?

[StarryAngel1984]

So was he putting off getting the vasectomy for 17 months or giving in the sample?

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

I spent time on anti depressants. It made me a better Mother, person and effected every part of my life, how I felt about myself, my sleep, how I managed housework etc.

I didn't want to see the GP and put it off for far too long and tried to just manage. But it was the best thing I could have done.

I do not agree with porn but I think you need to think rationally about this, sleep on it if you can. Please do not end it over this alone I would have expected mags like this in that scenario but I understand how his replies seem thoughtless by text.

I do wonder how much more there is to this all. Could you have some counselling? I also had counselling whilst on ADs it was so helpful to unpack all my struggles and feelings.

A lot of us on here are genuinely worried for you here. My kids are 17 months apart and are now 4 & 5 years but when they were very young and my ExH left me, I felt extremely depressed and had huge self esteem issues. It's such a difficult time, so I can only imagine how you feel right now but please try not to make big decision whilst feeling like this but try and get some sleep and rest first.

[DisorganisednotDysfunctional]

Tootiesfrootsie, my initial reaction was YABVU. Now I suspect you may have got raging PND. Your response is so totally over the top.

This isn't about your OH, it's about how dreadful you feel. Some of your posts sound almost suicidal. I have had MH issues more than once, and I sympathise.

I am trying my best. Trying to get to the end of it but not seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

Please go to your GP, talk to anyone who might help (friend, mum, hv) and do not do anything hostile to your poor OH. Drop this whole silly business. It's irrelevant. It's just something you've picked on to rationalise your distress. When we're agony we look for reasons, even if they're the wrong reasons. He doesn't deserve this. Neither do you or your DCs.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Why did he put it off? Was it pure laziness, or did he think you might have and adverse reaction to him masturbating?
I ask this because one of previous posts hinted that you may not have been happy about the whole thing.

You feel how you feel and only you can decide if this is really a last straw or self sabotage.

With the best will in the world OP you are not trying your best because you won't consider any help. You can't deal with depression like this it only drags you deeper.

Take a good look at what you've posted. You are going to end your relationship and are waiting till your children are old enough to die( do you mean suicide when you say that?).

Dying won't make it better, that will make it worse. Your children even if adult will break their hearts tying themselves in knots over what ifs. What if they had been better as a child, at school, as a teenager. When someone so close commits suicide the surviving relatives do blame themselves and while they may learn to live with it a lot of joy gets sucked out of their lives.

They deserve a happier childhood than the one you can currently see for them and they deserve a happier mother. You can provide that for them OP but you can't do it alone, no one could. It is not weakness to accept a hand. Many different ways to do it too and lots of people here who have gone through a similar process. You aren't being judged a poor parent, a poor wife, or a bad person. You are being implored to see something deeper in your life is very wrong and to accept help to fix it.

[IWishIWasSheRa]

Ok op, you admit that you are low and are blowing this out of proportion so it is no longer an issue about whether YABU about the appt. 2 children close together nearly broke me- I went on anti s's when dd2 was 6 months old but looking back I think it was just exhaustion. I had/ have trauma to my vulva and had some corrective surgery for the aesthetics which helped my confidence and regular injections to manage the pain. I understand the impact a bad connection with your lady bits can have on a marriage.
You owe it to yourself and your family to sit in front of the doc and say you are not yourself. Get some tablets until you are mentally strong enough to deal with the root of the issue, sit your husband down and explain that you understand you are being difficult but you are working through it and apologise but request support.
You won't feel like this forever and I'm sure you are generally coping in the circumstances better than you think. Best wishes op

[PTphonehome]

If your so determined to leave him don't blame it on the quick fumble today at the hospital.
He had to give a sample, in a sterile hospital room, he needed a wee help. So what if he could have done it a year ago it's still not splitting up levels.