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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:

Mumof3men · 15/04/2013 07:54

Bumping and hoping op comes back

xigris · 15/04/2013 09:43

I want to know! Just read the whole thread and I'm with all of you on the OP's NBU. I went on a hen weekend once and someone brought their 18 month old baby. It had been agreed on and it was a low-key do as 2 of us were preg (one being the hen) but it certainly put a different dynamic on it. There is no way on God's earth I'd take my lot on a girly weekend! Actually I really want to go on a girly weekend right now! OP, if your friend can't go can I take her place? Please?!

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 15/04/2013 11:11

come back and let us know, please. pretty please.

Manyofhorror3 · 15/04/2013 11:16

What happened???!!

waltermittymissus · 15/04/2013 11:18

When was the weekend supposed to be?!

Original poster

arabesque · 15/04/2013 11:40

Sorry, haven't been on here in a few days and didn't realise people were asking for an update.

I sent the email off and got a reply on Friday evening to the effect that 'dd had been really excited about going on a weekend away with mum's friends. She's used to being around adults a lot so wouldn't be bored. (Point about other kids' noses being out of joint was completely ignored'. I, being a bit of a wimp when it comes to confrontation, was worrying about how to respond. My friend just said 'oh for fucks sake' picked up the phone, rang her and basically said 'no kids. The same rule applies to everyone. It would be a shame to fall out over this, but we want an adult only weekend where everyone can let their hair down, talk freely and not worry about a child in our midst. That's the deal'.

The friend now appears to be sulking as we haven't heard from her.

OP posts:

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 15/04/2013 11:45

OP, first of all, well done to your other friend for being direct and clear. There's no way I'd manage that in the same situation, but it really is better to be direct. Your other friend is being silly.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/04/2013 11:48

Good for your friend, you tried your best being nice and it didn't work.
Let her sulk.

SayMama · 15/04/2013 11:49

Aw OP, you promised an update...!

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2013 11:49

So it wasn't just about lack of childcare, then?. It was about mini-me been taken along like a sort of mascot?
Probably best if she continues to sulk and backs out completely.

waltermittymissus · 15/04/2013 12:17

I had a feeling she wouldn't take it lying down!

Well it's her loss! Ignore the sulks, honestly.

If you offer an olive branch she'll use it as an excuse to campaign for her daughter's attendance!

BOF · 15/04/2013 12:20

I like your friend

Lottashakingoinon · 15/04/2013 12:21

If she is sulking and you are all good mates apart from this I suppose there would be no harm in a follow up email/call from one of you stressing that you really want her to come but that it definitely is a child free zone which applies across the board and maybe hint at a mums and kids party in the non specific future

Or is this strategy too risky?

lunar1 · 15/04/2013 12:22

Well done to your friend, thank you for updating op!

Lottashakingoinon · 15/04/2013 12:22

X post with Walter Yes I fear you may be right (last sentence)

Ignore me OP everyone at home does!

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/04/2013 12:31

So she's already told her daughter she's going, which means one very disappointed little girl.
How is she going to explain to her that's she's not welcome?
I think your friend is hoping you'll all feel sorry for the child now, and have to back down.

waltermittymissus · 15/04/2013 12:35

Lotta I only say because my db has done this countless times!

Her dd's disappointment is her fault and her responsibility! Don't let her make you feel guilty!

Original poster

arabesque · 15/04/2013 12:36

I could kill her, to be honest. Whatever happens now she'll have introduced a negative note to the weekend. If she doesn't come we'll all feel a bit guilty; if she comes without DD we'll probably be made to feel a bit guilty; and if she persists in trying to have DD included I suspect we'll all get so fed up we'll just call the whole thing off.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 15/04/2013 12:38

No. I'd say she couldn't come. It will be a totally different type of holiday if she does. I think it's a bit cheeky of somebody even asking because it puts you all in a difficult position. If she can't get childcare then she doesn't come.

Viviennemary · 15/04/2013 12:39

Sorry cross post. You shouldn't be the guilty one.

MidniteScribbler · 15/04/2013 12:47

Boot her off. I'll come instead. I like the sound of your friend!

Lottashakingoinon · 15/04/2013 12:53

Okay, time for some tough love!!!

Whatever happens now she'll have introduced a negative note to the weekend

Only if you let it!!!

If she doesn't come we'll all feel a bit guilty

Why? It will have been her own fault choice

if she comes without DD we'll probably be made to feel a bit guilty

Why??? You've all left children at home. If she tries this on just counter it with 'oh how wonderful it is to be child free we MUST do this more often tra la la we're not listening!!!!'

Seriously, I'm not meaning to make light of this but you have no call to feel guilty...she's the one! She had no business even suggesting it to her daughter without getting your agreement first.

You know you may be onto something when you say you may just cancel altogether. I don't know how feasible this is in terms of lost deposits etc or being able to find a different date in the not too distant future, but it could be that starting from scratch may be the answer and there can be NO 'confusing' the ground rules next time!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/04/2013 12:58

Grr, who does that to their daughter? She is being totally U. I also like your other friend's style!

DiscoDonkey · 15/04/2013 13:01

You have no reason to feel bad, you will all be spending money on a rare weekend away together so you have every right to set the tone. If she insisted on taking her dd I would pull out tbh, just wouldn't be my idea of a girls weekend and wouldn't want to spend my money that way.

NinaHeart · 15/04/2013 13:02

Hurrah for straight talking friend. I had a horrible feeling "mumfriend" was going to ignore the real message of your nice email and make excuses.
And everything that Lotta said. You really have nothnig at all to feel guilty about. "Mumfriend" is clearly past master of manipulation.
Hope you have a wonderful trip!

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