To not want this child to come on holidays with us

[arabesque]

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

Sorry 'eyestightshut' Could you explain that pretty please.

Im an Aussie gall and havent worked out all the MN banter.

I adore my DC and love doing stuff with them but also understand that some things like the trip OP and friends have planned is not for children. I don't understand why Entitled Mare can't work that out.

Surely if there's a problem at home it's better she talks about it with everyone.

I need a Forthright Friend!

I'm the FF too. There seem to be a lot of us on MN...

So, arabesque when can we expect FF's email?

They're all Irish Mammys, eyestight. I'm one myself
The rest of them sound fairly normal.

I think it's very telling that she'd told her DD that she could look forward to an adult holiday,before she'd even told you that she wanted to bring her. Good for you in standing your ground!

I'm an Irish mammy.

I'd be gone so fast, there'd be a Walter shaped hole in the wall!

Have just read thread in awe. This women is intense. I wouldn't have the balls to keep pushing and pushing when you know what you're doing is not wanted. Please don't feel sorry for her arabesque, this women has nerves of steel. A person in genuine need of sympathy would have given up a week ago.

Has anyone asked yet WHY she wants her DD to come despite it being totally inappropriate?

It reminds me of that episode of Sex And The City where SJP goes to the baby shower and they introduce her to this woman sitting with her son.
"That's Betsy and her boy Harry. They're inseparable. They do everything together. We call them our old married couple.
Except it's not that funny since Betsy and her husband are getting divorced."

Oh please don't say that Lottashake. I'm terrified that's how it will go and one or other (or all) of us will feel guilt tripped into letting her bring DD because she's being so pathetic about it.

Oh lawks I didn't mean to dismantle you. I meant sad for the way that she just can't see her hand in front of her face and that she is just alienating people.

You MUST be strong...you won't be doing her any favours by caving, because she may just do the same again

Oooo! Just read the whole thread aghast at the gallof the woman!

Just for the record OP, YANBU.

And whatever you do, don't feel guilty. FFS she doesn't feel guilty for causing all this hassle. And youcan bet your sweet arse she wouldn't feel guilty if she brought her DD and ruined your weekend together.

So don't you DARE feel bad

(I am also the FF)

Forthright friend has now drafted email to self entitled friend and cc'd us all to make sure we're happy with the view.

I don't want to replicate the email here as I didn't actually write it. However, she has basically said to EF that this weekend is intended to be a pleasurable, adult only occasion which was agreed as far back as December. However it has now descended into a rather acrimonious situation which is unfair and upsetting for everyone.

The best thing, going forward, would be for EF to now agree that she would like to come with us while leaving DD behind. At this stage everyone would be happy to leave the last few days behind us and
start afresh as a group of friends looking forward to a girls weekend away.

If EF can't agree to this then regrettably we will have to exclude her from the weekend. No one wants to fall out over this or see the end of a friendship that has lasted for many years. However, this is entirely EF's decision. The bottom line is that no one in the group is bringing their children and that must also include EF.

We would appreciate a response either way from her by lunchtime tomorrow so that we all know what is happening and people are not put into any further awkward or difficult situations.

I really hope this gets resolved. I cant think why your mate isn't backing off bringing her DD with her. I mean, does she not want to have time for herself??! Gah!

This is a great thread. I think the advise has been really sensible and that Arabesque has dealt with the situation brilliantly.

It will be interesting to hear what happens in the end
(hint for updates)

Good work Mumsnet

Good on Forthright Friend (make sure you back her to the hilt if it gets acrimonious-she may have sent the email but you all agree). Hope that brings all the fuss to an end.

Sorry she also said that if anyone, between now and June, realises they will be unable to leave their children for whatever reason then it is agreed that person must back out of the weekend. Under no circumstances should anyone turn up with an unnanounced DC in tow.

I want a forthright friend.

I think she's terrified of having to tell her PFB princess that actually mummy made a mistake and that it's an adults only weekend!

I just can't for the life of me imagine why anyone thinks it's ok to bring thier child (regardless of behaviour), along to an adult only holiday!

All I can assume is that the DD is so excited about going after her daft mother promised her she could go, daft mother is now finding it very difficult to let her daughter down!

If it were simply that the mother doesn't trust her DH, or can't bear to be away from DD, I would imagine she would just back out of the trip? Surely if she was desperate for the trip she would just leave DD? If she's so desperate to be with her DD or doesn't trust DH, then she wouldn't go. So the only reason I can deduce is that DD is the one who can't wait to go?

just catching up on latest updates!

Seriously, a conference call/email between ALL of you needs to be sent out with details of holiday place, booking for restaurant/spa etc that have already been done with a date for EF to reply by, stipulating that NO children are welcome as you have ALL agreed that this is an adult only weekend.

That way there is no wiggle room for EF to try to divide and conquer.

I am not Irish Mammy - I am Scottish Mammy and I go away with friends for weekend or few days and NO kids are allowed. We also do days out for kids with picnic/lunch/dinner out and grown ups.

Sometimes you need adult time. It sounds like your entitled friend has lost her identity a bit - or she's a fruit loop. Either way, she needs to go away for the weekend, have fun with her friends and leave her DD at home with a grown up person/Dad/GPs

X post with arabesque

Yay for Forthright Friend!

Another lurker delurking, here. Been watching this unfold completely agog!

At this point (of beginning to wonder if she is actually temporarily unhinged), given she is a friend and you have history, I reckon she deserves another phone call.

A straight-talking phonecall where you are in charge, saying that no adult apart from her wants to have any children at this weekend. That she is making the situation very difficult, but the majority decision is no children.

Ask her if there is anything the matter that she needs talk about - you never know. If not, be firm, to the extent of saying that if she can't come alone she and her DD will effectively ruin a weekend that everyone else has paid a fortune and travelled long distances and arranged their own childcare for.

All this emailing and texting and talking behind backs (not saying in a negative way, but A is telling B what C said or did and D is now emailing A B C D E F and whoever else etc) is only going to lead to unhappiness. Offence will be taken, slights will be felt, everyone will feel bad...just be open about it!

FWIW the same just happened to me: I could not organize childcare (actually didn't want to as my baby is still too young to be left for four or five nights without me - meet-up was a 13 hour flight away), but all the other girls either have older children or no children. Totally gutted to have missde out on what seems to have been a great weekend, but it was my choice to have a kid. There will be other occasions, as there will be for your friend.

Maryz, butt out. If anyone is taking EF's place it's me!! I'm happy to leave my DC at home with a £20 note for takeaway pizza

Yes I can come too. I'll share with Maryz. I'll have to bring dd because she'll only be 7.5 months but that's ok isn't it?

Deadline is good! SMART targets, after all, need that Timescale!