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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:

Hullygully · 17/04/2013 14:30

she is oddly fascinating

is there a way to find out WHY she is so insistent on coming with dd?

Hullygully · 17/04/2013 14:31

xpost!

Grammaticus · 17/04/2013 14:33

You don't think mad friend's husband has left, do you?

Kiriwawa · 17/04/2013 14:37

She is not being pathetic at all! She's trying to emotionally blackmail you into letting her get her own way. Don't let her!

Surely if there was some issue with her DH, she'd have let one of you know by now?

motherinferior · 17/04/2013 14:37

Yes, can we you bribe encourage FF to find out the backstory?

I have work to do, I can't spend all day mesmerised by this!

calamityjane · 17/04/2013 14:37

delurking

have been following thread from the beginning and have to say I am astounded by your friend.

I have to agree with Cinnabar and get forthright friend to call her and get to the bottom of all this, otherwise I have a feeling that it's not going to end well for any of you

HorryIsUpduffed · 17/04/2013 14:38

NI friend is doing very well. She definitely wants to use DD in the flesh as leverage.

Even if there is something horrible going on in her life, you don't have to include her daughter in your "just us" weekend.

Manyofhorror3 · 17/04/2013 14:38

I think she's Overly Attached. I have a relative like this, who cannot allow her child out of her sight, not even to play somewhere else in their own house. She has a very sad history but all the same it's very tricky to deal with. Her child is 4.

Sugarice · 17/04/2013 14:39

Don't waver arabesque, this is her plan, to grind you all down, Christ she's got some gall hasn't she?

She does need a collective email from the group with No, dd can't come, now drop it.

Pendipidy · 17/04/2013 14:40

I am shamelessly marking place. This is like a maeve binchy novel!

waltermittymissus · 17/04/2013 14:42

Do not waiver!

I don't think it's sad. I don't feel sorry for her. I feel a boiling rage on your behalf.

She is ridiculous. Are you sure she's worth continuing a friendship with? Give her until the end of the week then text and say "have I to assume you're not coming then?"

mistressploppy · 17/04/2013 14:45

Sorry, have lurked my way through 18 pages and just need to mark my place now!

LittleEdie · 17/04/2013 14:45

Any normal person would be mortified with the responses she's had. Can't believe the cheek of her!

Cherriesarelovely · 17/04/2013 14:47

Oh OP you can't back down on this. You really need to ask her point blank and very soon if she understands the situation.....ie "so, you do understand that your Dd can't come don't you?" or "you're not bringing Dd with you are you because it wont work for any of us and it's not fair". Please don't fall for her patheticness you will all spend the entire weekend resenting it.

Fiddlesticks8 · 17/04/2013 14:47

Absolutely not. No kids allowed, it's supposed to be a grown up holiday. Having a mother and child along means that the rest of you can't relax thoroughly, conversational topics will have to be monitored -as does the simple event of eating and drinking , even that has to be child friendly.
Suggest a parent and kids weekend instead that you can all plan together next year. Put your foot down and don't give in....the rest of the group will all probably agree with you

EldritchCleavage · 17/04/2013 14:48

Actually to be brutal about it, if there are problems in Entitled Friend's life, that is all the more reason to stand firm. This trip is not the time or place to deal with her problems or with a little DD suffering the fall-out. There is plenty of opportunity at other times to be supportive friends and give her time and empathy and help. But this trip was surely intended to be something different, and the other women have spent quite a lot of money for that something different.

My best friend's SIL and BIL did this with her DDs all the time, even aged e.g. 4 or 6. She even brought them along to adult parties and dinner parties at my friend's house, completely inappropriately (nothing major, just adults getting tiddly, having adult conversations, the occasional copping off and lots of bad dancing, but still). Friend was made to feel very unreasonable by the family for putting her foot down about it. She never got to the bottom of why, only that BIL was content to leave them at home but SIL wasn't. They still do it, but at least now the kids are young adults and so having them there is not so odd.

jennywren45 · 17/04/2013 15:00

marks pace - Yes, a quick, email saying, " There is no more to discuss. No children are invited . Come or not. It's up to you but your daughter is not, under any circumstances, to come too."

TravelinColour · 17/04/2013 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnywithshowers · 17/04/2013 15:05

at what she's up to now. WTF?

Manyofhorror3 · 17/04/2013 15:07

How did Other Friend reply?

NotSoNervous · 17/04/2013 15:10

What a pita. You really can't give in now. I think you need to uninvite her it's not fair on the rest of you who have paid for a adult Only weekend to have it dampened by having a child there.

Please keep updating

seriouscakeeater · 17/04/2013 15:13

Don't crumble!! If you let her bring DD, you will all be seething with resentment and weekend will be ruined!

Why don't you text entitled friend and say '' look been having a think..I know it probably upsetting you that you cant bring DD , so why don't you sit this one out and we can arrange to take all the kids some where special when we get back?''?

Original poster

arabesque · 17/04/2013 15:13

Forthright friend is now in the picture about recent developments. She is going to compose an email which will be cc'd to everyone so that Entitled Friend cannot start trying to play one of us off against the other.

Phew. I always feel better after speaking to her because she just cuts through the crap and tackles the problem.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 17/04/2013 15:14

Manyofhorror3 · 17/04/2013 15:18

Won't EntitledFriend see that as an Act of Hostility?

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