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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 17/04/2013 12:42

Oh ffs! Seriously she needs to be dumped!

If tomorrow is about the trip then I strongly suggest an email saying

"Hi knobhead

The weekend is starting to become a massive issue which kind of defeats the purpose. Maybe you'd like to sit this one out and maybe a few of us can arrange a kiddies weekend in the hugely distant future."

As for now, I agree with sugar. Tell NI to text back and say 'I'm free for lunch but I really don't want to talk about the weekend. I think it's starting to cause tension and I don't want to get caught up in that'.

Original poster
arabesque · 17/04/2013 12:46

NI Ireland friend has texted self entitled friend to say that she's mad busy in work but could 'nip out for half an hour for a very quick lunch'. She has also said f it's about our weekend away she knows there's been a bit of argy bargy about it but its been agreed now that nobody's children are welcome so she doesn't want to get into further discussion on that. It wouldn't be fair on everyone else.

So as it stands they're meeting for a quick lunch tomorrow but NI friend is hoping self entitled friend's gun has been spiked and she might text back to say she doesn't want to meet now.

I feel I should have a map on the wall and be moving flags around between Dublin, Northern Ireland, New York, London and Cork. Smile

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 17/04/2013 12:51

Good for NI friend!

Are we taking bets on whether she throws a strop and falls out with everyone?!

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 17/04/2013 12:51

Stand firm OP (and friends). What an entitled person.

5Foot5 · 17/04/2013 12:52

Been lurking so far and enjoying this thoroughly. But one thing has occurred to me. What if your NI friend does agree to go for lunch with her, having psyched herself up to say "Sorry adults only", and then the stupid woman turns up with her DD in tow?

Won't that make it even harder for NI Mum to effectively say the DD is not welcome while the DD is sitting there making sad puppy eyes?

LIZS · 17/04/2013 12:53

Excellent of NI friend ! Present a united front of "aren't we all so looking forward to not having to fret about our kids and just be ourselves"

Sugarice · 17/04/2013 12:55

I'm betting that MumFriend will bale out of the lunch now she knows LunchMate isn't going to fall for any flannel and sad faces.

Binkybix · 17/04/2013 12:56

But NI friend has already said DD is not welcome in the text.

I would hope (prob in vain) that entitled friend would not bring DD to he lunch o plead the case. Surely not....would she?! Can see how old be difficult, but just need to default back to the fact that no children are coming.

McKayz · 17/04/2013 12:58

She really doesn't get it does she?

StanleyLambchop · 17/04/2013 13:00

The child will be at school, surely? She would not seriously take her out of school to bring her along to the lunch? Would she really be that bonkers?

waltermittymissus · 17/04/2013 13:03

Lunch could be after school? My 6 year old finishes at 1.30 so it's possible.

Is it wrong that I kind of hope she brings dd?

ladymariner · 17/04/2013 13:03

Yes stanley I think she probably would!

GingerBlondecat · 17/04/2013 13:04

Was MumFriend going or planning to bring child to said meeting with IR friend as well Grin

After all she cant go anywhere without Snookems

Or is MumFriend going to sulk, now that she knows that IR Isnt going to be a pushover?

I really dont understand this woman [Mumfriend]

StanleyLambchop · 17/04/2013 13:05

Fuck, she really has some problems if she tries to pull that off!

GingerBlondecat · 17/04/2013 13:05

^ Gahh, Im slow at typeing

StoicButStressed · 17/04/2013 13:07

YA(sooooo)NBU (and like Kinkyfuckery, single parent here too!)

Wouldn't just change the 'tone' of event - would 100% change the type of event (&, if I've got it right, the purpose too?)

If DF committed to it AFTER her DH's 'golf' plans, then she's in wrong and it's her own fault; if he made them AFTER knowing she was away, it's down to him (& to her to not be a doormat either).

Anyway, collectively just point out that it isn't, & never was, THAT kind of break - quite opposite. Not ok for one person in a group to entirely change nature of it - late mornings, way too much alcoholSmile & loads of late night reminiscing, l'il spa treats, copious swearing and filth talk etc etc ETCWink

Lottashakingoinon · 17/04/2013 13:13

Is it logistically possible to send a total group email (ie copying in everyone in the group ) along the lines of 'This HAS been decided there are NO children, end of discussion. If you (entitled rhino hide) still can/want to come then great, otherwise, see ya next time'

This may put paid to ant divide and rule shenanigans

ExcuseTypos · 17/04/2013 13:18

God she sounds a bit mad immature.

Well done to your friend for setting out the facts- yet again.

I think if she still doesn't get the message, you may have to do something drastic.

How about hiring a plane which will fly, with a banner, over her house "Miss Self Entitled, children are not welcome at our weekend away"

That should do it.Grin

Cerisier · 17/04/2013 13:19

How can anyone be so self-obsessed? So keen to go against a whole group of people? Wow. She has the hide of a rhinoceros (as we say in England Grin).

GingerBlondecat · 17/04/2013 13:20

Batten down the hatches. I see her bringing along the child anyway, just to 'Proove' to you all that her child is 'No troubles' on a holliday Hmm

Lottashakingoinon · 17/04/2013 13:20

Good plan Typos but I fear you may be a little optimistic...just about everything else SHOULD have done it...but didn't!

Cerisier · 17/04/2013 13:20

Cross post with Lotta and her rhino hide!

Squitten · 17/04/2013 13:20

Crikey - she's not going to drop the bone is she?! Fingers crossed your friend keeps to the agreed line!

I am GRIPPED by this thread Grin

GingerBlondecat · 17/04/2013 13:21

Can someone explain to me... WHY she is doing this? What is her motives?

sleeton · 17/04/2013 13:23

As DontmindifIdo says, on the one hand it does seem fair for your NI friend to give the entitled one the opportunity to explain why she needs/wants to bring DD. "Find out what the problem actually is, if it's that she doesn't want to leave her DD, then fine, don't go, if she's in a realtionship with a cunt, then helping her see other solutions like leaving the DD with grandparents etc might be in order and cutting her some slack"

The problem I see with that, however, is as soon as you open yourself to hear lengthy explanation, you can also leave yourself open to being bombarded with negotiation!

I would say, if it turns out her situation is difficult, then it's okay to be sympathetic and suggest things like leaving the child with grandparents or a second child-inclusive get-together, but very important to also stand firm that this trip is adults only.