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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that even if you're sleazy enough to think wolf-whistling is a compliment...

241 replies

BedHanger · 08/04/2013 18:00

There are some groups of women you'd spare from the honour of your attention?

Like, maybe, a sleep-deprived new mother with a month-old baby strapped to her chest?

Yeuch. Why do some men think this is ok?

OP posts:

DitaVonCheese · 08/04/2013 21:36

Yes, and what opener said.

Those of you who are thrilled at being wolfwhistled, would you feel differently if they yelled "I'd fuck you!" instead?

Twitterqueen · 08/04/2013 21:36

My local post office people call me love. (irrelevant, but they are Asian)
My very best friend calls me pet. (irrelevant, but she is from Middlesborough)
I call my children sweetie (irrelevant, but I'm from the inhibited south and much as I would like to have done, I've never been comfortable calling them 'darling').
If I was wolf-whistled I'd obviously ignore them and wallk on with a spring in my step.
Anyone and everyone who addresses me with an affectionate diminutive, no matter whether they know me or not, is OK in my book.
I get precious little appreciation anyone else so I take it where and when I get it.
I enjoy going to my post office. I like the fact they don't know people's names, that they want to be polite and friendly and so they settle on 'love' What's wrong with that?

HairyGrotter · 08/04/2013 21:38

Thing is, I don't need approval from strangers, male or female. If I ask it of folk, give it, but I don't, therefore it's absolutely none of their business.

Keep your wolf whistles and comments, and shove it

sudaname · 08/04/2013 21:41

The time to worry is when they stop.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/04/2013 21:41

I like 'love', too, but I think it is really easy to tell when it is meant in the usual nice way, and when it isn't. It's the same with all those terms - obviously 'sweetheart' is a nice term in its origins but it can be used in a patronizing way.

It's sad that a few wankers have to mess things up.

I agree with hairy about approval. It creeps me out a bit, the idea strangers would think they had the right to 'approve' of me.

Undertone · 08/04/2013 21:42

Yeah - it's like in an environment where some men might feel like they want to assert their masculinity, the easiest way to do it is by differentiating between themselves and a woman. In fact - they are SO FAR from being a woman that they have to SHOUT all the way over to the nearest example of a woman - that's how miiiiiiles away they are from being the tiniest bit feminine, yeah lads?

It's reinforcing the idea that women are "other" and therefore slightly less human than men. So it's ok to not have a real conversation with one.

Undertone · 08/04/2013 21:45

Oh and - my boss calls me "love" when he wants to be patronizing. Context is all, and these men are not being affectionate - don't mistake a distancing act for an act of intimacy.

rustybusty · 08/04/2013 21:51

A man did this to me recently, and his mate said leave her she cant be any older than 18. Im nearly 30. I could of shuck his hand.

I get stuff like that all the time, and yeah I absolutely love it.

Notmadeofrib · 08/04/2013 21:55

I used to work in an industry that took me on to many factory floors that were mainly staffed by men. I have had people (other than my DMum) tell me I'm reasonably kind on the eye and yet in about 10 years I was wolf whistled just once. I found it insulting.

Undertone · 08/04/2013 22:04

Why would you be insulted? Why do you have the feeling that they were pointing out a deficiency in you by not barking at you like a pack of sea lions? Maybe they realise better than you that it would have been disrespectful, and they were keen to keep their jobs? Why would they have felt guilty about doing it unless they knew it was wrong?

WorriedMummy73 · 08/04/2013 22:09

Rustybusty - are you Sam Fox or Katie Price writing under another name?

I could of shuck his hand. I get stuff like that all the time, and yeah I absolutely love it.

Quite possibly the most insulting and dense thing I've ever read on Mumsnet! How feminism has managed to get anywhere in this world with people like you in it is beyond me.

Notmadeofrib · 08/04/2013 22:09

ha ha, sorry. Noooooo. Wrong way around. I found that single ww insulting.
I should try reading my post first

rustybusty · 08/04/2013 22:13

Bit harsh worriedmummy73. Dont see anything wrong with taking the compliments tbh. Im equal ops I am just as happy when women say it to me to

countrykitten · 08/04/2013 22:13

I read it the way you intended!

Rustybusty WTAF?

Undertone · 08/04/2013 22:14

Oh god sorry notmadeofrib yes i can see how i misunderstood. Right. As you were, co-feminist

Notmadeofrib · 08/04/2013 22:17

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2013 22:20

Quite possibly the most insulting and dense thing I've ever read on Mumsnet! How feminism has managed to get anywhere in this world with people like you in it is beyond me.

And as a feminist you think it's ok to call another woman dense because she enjoys that kind of attention?

That's confusing.

I thought feminism was more about choice?

rustybusty · 08/04/2013 22:25

Just cause I dont agree with you doesnt mean I cant enjoy it. You can do what you like, and I wouldnt judge you for not liking it. We dont all have to be the same.

Undertone · 08/04/2013 22:46

Worra - yes it's about choice - as long as the choices presented to a woman are the same choices as are presented to a man. I think what I'm struggling with is that we as women have to make the choice of whether or not we should be grateful for strange men's harassment. The fact that some women are free to make the choice to interpret it as a positive endorsement is avoiding the issue that we had to make that choice in the first place.

The issue is not whether or not we are empowered to deal with harassment in a look-on-the-bright-side way. It's the fact that we have to deal with it at all.

HolyMackerel · 08/04/2013 22:52

YANBU it is grim and sleazy. I agree totally with this:

openerofjars Mon 08-Apr-13 21:29:52

It's not something nice chaps do to show their appreciation of a pretty girl. It is an intimidating act designed to put women in their place and remind us that we are being watched, usually done by angry or inadequate men who actually don't like women.

It's on a continuum with flashing and other forms of street harassment.

Backtobedlam · 08/04/2013 23:10

It's not only men that do it though-I've seen ladies at the gym nudging/winking and making comments about male lifeguards and personal trainers. Is it any different when its that way round?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/04/2013 23:22

No, it isn't.

It's not rocket science.

It's nice when people flirt.

It's not nice when people make someone feel shit and scared.

This can apply to either gender. On balance, women are probably more likely to feel intimidated walking past a group of blokes than the reverse, because of how our society is not an egalitarian paridise.

Anything else?

Backtobedlam · 08/04/2013 23:29

I just don't think that the majority time its done to make people feel intimidated or bad about themselves, and that goes for either gender. Most times its lighthearted banter, and if it puts a smile on someone's face (which this thread has proven it often does) there's no harm in it.

squeakytoy · 08/04/2013 23:36

Getting wolf whistled is not a problem, I dont mind it at all. How it can be seen as threatening, scary or make someone feel like shit I have no idea.

Having someone shout along the lines "get yer tits out" is intimidating and crossing the line of being insulting rather than complimenting someone with a wolf whistle.

I know women who would whistle at men, it isnt gender specific.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/04/2013 23:38

It's always possible that different people wolf-whistle different onlookers, I think.

Hard to generalize based on anecdote.

Obviously some people either find it intimidating, or are lying for the sake of it.

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