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AIBU?

To think that even if you're sleazy enough to think wolf-whistling is a compliment...

241 replies

BedHanger · 08/04/2013 18:00

There are some groups of women you'd spare from the honour of your attention?

Like, maybe, a sleep-deprived new mother with a month-old baby strapped to her chest?

Yeuch. Why do some men think this is ok?

OP posts:

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HairyGrotter · 08/04/2013 20:33

If my partner behaved in such a manner, I'd be most put out. It is utterly unnecessary, if someone is just going about their business, who do they think they are drawing attention to it? However, it is totally subjective to how one feels about it. I lay no judge, on how others react to such attention.

Backtobedlam · 08/04/2013 20:34

I wouldn't like my DH to do it no, obviously I want him to think I'm such hot stuff that he'd never even glance twice at a woman on a magazine cover. However, in reality I know this isn't case, and as long as he wasnt doing it in front of me or to my friends, I guess I'd never know.

Shakey1500 · 08/04/2013 20:39

I guess I don't know if it's definitely appreciative or a joke but it matters not (to me). I choose to take it as appreciative.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes · 08/04/2013 20:40

I don't think it's meant as a compliment actually. I think it's actually quite an aggressive intimidating thing to do.

openerofjars · 08/04/2013 20:45

It doesn't happen to me that often, to be honest, but it's creepy and vile. It's a reminder that as a woman you are there to be looked at. And I really hate the silly fuckers who take offence if you don't enjoy being made to feel like an object.

It's up there with "Cheer up, love, it might never happen". Do you know, I don't want to be the subject of commentary on what my tits look like or how cheery I look when I'm just walking down the road. I don't want to have to brace myself mentally when walking past builders in case my facial expression or my arse aren't up to scratch. It's like we're being vetted or something.

And, weird old pissed guys in the allegedly family friendly pub my friend and I took our DC to for lunch last week,I really don't think that "Hur hur hur, you're barred, Missus" counts as anything other than irritating noise.

carabos · 08/04/2013 20:50

I worked in a sales office on a residential development a few years ago. At one point in the project access to the office was up a makeshift stairs, only wide enough for one person at a time.

I went up it one morning as the crew were about to come down for smoko. To a man they lined up, took off their hard hats and did a mock whistle like when the Queen boards a ship. It was lovely and funny. Sometimes they would wolf-whistle, but we all knew it was a bit of fun, not at all disrespectful, and the day I got locked into one of the units with a male punter, they were there in minutes.

BegoniaBampot · 08/04/2013 20:56

'I don't think it's meant as a compliment actually. I think it's actually quite an aggressive intimidating thing to do.'

This really. I doubt they respect you and are probably taking the piss and dread to think of the foul comments they make to their mates once you've passed. I always think these are the kind of guys who would probably grab your arse in a pub and expect you to be grateful.

dementedma · 08/04/2013 20:57

Makes me smile. I must be very sad indeed.

LessMissAbs · 08/04/2013 21:08

Has anyone noticed the ones that whistle a tune endlessly often combined with an unblinking stare, so they presumably can't be accused of wolf-whistling?

DitaVonCheese · 08/04/2013 21:10

So depressed at how many women think this is a compliment. Where's your self-respect ffs?

Dear random man on the street, I don't give a flying fuck that you've judged me and found me worthy of comment. Fuck the fuck off.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2013 21:10

It just makes me smile and then I don't think any more of it.

countrykitten · 08/04/2013 21:11

Lyingwitch you have misunderstood my post. Never mind. And I don't know who mentioned 'old fat blokes' as it wasn't me.

Fairydogmother · 08/04/2013 21:12

Delivery van men (in particular lol) do this when I'm out running.

Why the sight of me panting and sweating in Lycra is such a turn on I'll never know

countrykitten · 08/04/2013 21:14

What DitaVonCheese said.

Shakey1500 · 08/04/2013 21:15

DitaVonCheese But with respect, you do give a flying fuck? Else you wouldn't comment on the matter surely?

I do have self respect thank you. Enough that if someone whistles in my direction in what I take to be an appreciative manner it remains intact.

BedHanger · 08/04/2013 21:16

HairyGrotter that is beyond grim :(.

OP posts:

DitaVonCheese · 08/04/2013 21:24

No, I don't, Shakey. I am just riled that his assumption is that I care what he thinks, because he is Man and my job is to look decorative.

If I gave a flying fuck what and on men on the street thought of me, I'd probably put a lot more effort in

Undertone · 08/04/2013 21:24

What's that thing that Caitlin Moran says is a good test to see if something sexist? Something like "is this happening to men? Are the boys having to deal with it?" if not - then yes it's a gendered issue and it's likely to be part of (or a symptom of) a problem with how men think about women.

Being told you are attractive is nice. But that's not really the limit of what is actually being communicated by a wolf whistle or heckle. It's something done (almost) exclusively by men to women in public to say "you meet my approval". The fact that it is usually done at a distance, with an audience of participating or passive bystanders, means it is performed not for the benefit of the whistle-ee. It's a declaration about the whistler. People who find a compliment in it are manufacturing one where there is none.

Be offended! You're not on a fucking stage twirling your tits - you're a person going about your business, which up to that point did not include being "approved" by an arrogant chimp.

VoidofDiscovery · 08/04/2013 21:25

What openerofjars said. It's not complimentary at all and if think so, you are deluded. That so many of you think it's flattering, and you are brainwashed enough to think it's a compliment, that is indicative of how much society still needs feminism.

OP YANBU.

DitaVonCheese · 08/04/2013 21:26

Yes. That^

DitaVonCheese · 08/04/2013 21:26

Aimed at Undertone but actually what Void said too :)

HairyGrotter · 08/04/2013 21:27

I'm not adverse to a compliment, absolutely, but not in the form of 'approval', like I should be fucking grateful! Regardless of what I'm wearing, I should to be on display for folk to approve.

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openerofjars · 08/04/2013 21:29

It's not something nice chaps do to show their appreciation of a pretty girl. It is an intimidating act designed to put women in their place and remind us that we are being watched, usually done by angry or inadequate men who actually don't like women.

It's on a continuum with flashing and other forms of street harassment.

countrykitten · 08/04/2013 21:33

YY to that openerofjars

BedHanger · 08/04/2013 21:33

Spot on undertone, his mate was standing outside the van and obviously found it amusing.

As I walked past the window he said, "hello gorgeous". I made this actual face --> . Then he smirked at his mate and whistled.

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