To think that even if you're sleazy enough to think wolf-whistling is a compliment...

[BedHanger]

There are some groups of women you'd spare from the honour of your attention?

Like, maybe, a sleep-deprived new mother with a month-old baby strapped to her chest?

Yeuch. Why do some men think this is ok?

I totally agree Orangefooted.

Someone chatting/flirting or saying nice dress is pretty different to yelling 'nice tits'

But let's face it how many random men walk down the street and say 'nice dress' and literally mean just that.

Flirting is a 2 way thing surely where as whistling is all about the man doing it in my opinion and as someone else said about doing it to emphasise his masculinity to his friends/blokes he's with.

Yuk, I hate it. Yanbu op.

Ok, I've read the Guardian articles and can see where you are coming from, I couldn't really see the connection before so sorry I can see its not a totally extreme link to make.

However, this link jumps from wolf whistling examples of catcalling creating rape culture, to stories of cars full of men following a woman for 20mins, then jumping out and attacking her! I'm sure there are many men and women who would wolf whistle but would never in a million years follow someone in their car. I would like to know where these people live-is it the UK? As I can assure you that where I live in the UK there is no 'rape culture' it is not common for people in our area to get raped and it is certainly not condone or trivialised. It is seen as a horrendous act and the same men who do the wolf whistling would be pushing for prosecution of a rapists. Perhaps if I lived somewhere that I felt had a 'rape culture' it would feel threatening, and I would certainly never chastise someone for feeling upset/worried by anything...that is your right as a human. However, it is also not right to say that all women who would like being wolf whistled at are 'superficial' or 'conditioned' as if we cannot possibly know our own mind.

Saying that hen parties are heckling with the intention of intimaditing...really?! Have you ever been on a hen party? I for one have never seen anyone doing it for anything except light hearted fun. The men usually joke back and some appear to enjoy the attention, as like myself (and I'm surt not the only one) some take it as a compliment. We are lucky to live in a society where women can admire men, can feel attractive and enjoy male attention without feeling it is 'wrong'. As women we are just as entitled to enjoy our looks, enjoy what we wear and enjoy male attention, hell we can even enjoy sex! So from my experience where I live in the UK I feel equal to men, I am in no way oppressed and rape is certainly not encouraged or condoned.

Another YANBU from me.
I was very young when it started (tall for my age, but wearing SCHOOL UNIFORM FFS!!!) and it used to really freak me out. Especially as it happened often when I was on my own. How can a group of 4 or 5 adult men think its ok to stare and shout at a CHILD like that? They obviously thought a bit of group sexual harassment of a little girl was a great way to liven up their tea break.

I do tend to shout back at them now. It doesn't intimidate me any more, it just makes me fucking furious that they feel they have a right to intrude on me like that.

Having said that I am also a polite and friendly person. I often say good morning / afternoon to people on the street (it's a small town and you get to recognise people). I just make eye contact first and do so politely rather than pass comment (at full volume) on their tits or their facial expression. I don't sneer, shout, whistle or leer. If I can control myself in this way I expect other people to do the same.

As for saying the link between harassment and rape is extreme - I would think its probably a pretty good bet that the people who struggle to distinguish between "polite greeting" and "sexual harassment" are fairly likely to also struggle with the difference between "consensual sex" and "rape".

Thanks for those links, Dita.

I cant stand it so YANBU. I had a mate who if she was whistled at she used to turn round walk back to the group of men and say 'sorry, did you say something'. The men used to just go red so she would walk away leaving them lying there! She knew those types of men were cowards when it was face to face.

I would love to do what Miranda did in SATC. A group of builders had been whistling and cat calling to her for a few mornings. Eventually she walked over to them and said 'OK, which one of you is up for a shag. I havent had sex for ages and am desperate!' Needless to say, they went red and told her they were all married and were only having a bit of fun.

Just out of interest, could I ask the women who like being whistled at would they mind if their partners/DH whistled at other women walking down the street minding their own business.

Yeah I would suspect it was piss taking which makes it worse,you can usually tell though.

I'm only here because my Dad (at age 18) wolf-whistled at my Mum (aged 16 then) from under the car he was working on... she noticed
him, they got chatting and married 2 years later! :)

Re: building sites / workmen - when i walk past i smile and they say 'hello', so i say 'hello' back which is pleasant.

I think that lots of workmen are banned from whistling at women now, also the younger ones seem more polite (just my experience).

Just to add a massive YANBU and yy to the excellent posts with links explaining why.

Men wouldn't wolf-whistle their own or their friends teenage daughters, siblings, mothers because of the massive lack of respect it would imply. The same lack of respect is present when they wolf whistle either you or your DD's.

Being grateful that someone has so little respect for you as a human being that they wolf-whistle you is beyond sad.

When I was a shy schoolgirl there was one summer when a builders were working on a house down the road for months. I got so much stick off them I changed my route to school and back. How is that right? I'm all for a cheery hello but wolf whistles and sleazy comments, no thank you.

Backtobedlam - I think what I was trying to get at with using a word like "conditioned" is that we were all raised in a cultural context where, stereotypically, a woman's appearance and desirability is her most valuable quality. (Rather than, you know, something like intelligence or diligence or kindness...)

So we all go around believing that (because it has been told to us, acted out to us, so very very often - from Disney upwards), which is why it can feel nice for it to be loudly proclaimed in the street that a man thinks you are sexy.

The feeling of pleasure is a result of being conditioned in this way.

Men wouldn't wolf-whistle their own or their friends teenage daughters, siblings, mothers because of the massive lack of respect it would imply. The same lack of respect is present when they wolf whistle either you or your DD's.

^ This. If it were really a compliment, they would^, wouldn't they?

I used to hate it as a schoolgirl (age 11 upwards:(). It felt wrong and it was wrong. I used to change my route too. No woman (or man) should have to feel that way.

The only women I read about enjoying the attention seem to be those who don't get attention generally now and miss it, they laugh saying that "they'll take it wherever they can get it". That might be a generalisation but it's what I've read on posts on the subject.

I wonder that there isn't a 'uninversal' symbol that people could visibly wear to show that they welcome this kind of thing? Now that might solve the problem...

sure tho -the kind of men who wolf whistle are the likes of builders - they normally live in council houses, and would anyone be flattered that they whistled at you? - they'll whistle at anything that moves haha..!

I'm with openerofjars and Orange on wolf-whistling.

I'm not whistled at any more (in 40s) which is fine by me. I hated the whistling. I was being treated like a commodity and put in my place. There was nothing nice about that kind of attention at all, it was jeering, if not mocking, and threatening at the same time.

I have noticed in the last couple of years that often now young workmen say 'Hello' to me, as if being noticed by me, when I say hello back, validates them in some way. 'I got a woman to talk to me, look'. I find it a bit odd, but if they are polite I am (briefly) polite back. Men of my own age or older don't do it.

MansView .

TBH I'd probably just tell the offender to piss off & not give it another thought, certainly wouldn't find it intimidating though I thought it was a thing of the past as building sites have rules about that sort of crap now.

I get it a lot locally but only because DH is a builder < glares at ManView > so obviously most of his/now 'our' mates are also self employed tradesmen or 'builders' and just think it's funny to beep and/or whistle when they see me about.
If it happens outside of leg-pulling DHs friends then it has never bothered me tbh either way. As long as any comment is tongue in cheek or said in good humour and any whistle is not followed by a lewd comment or whatever then l just shrug/laugh it off/roll my eyes in mock dismay or whatever. In fact l used to treat chat up lines or blatant flirting exactly the same when l worked behind a bar come to think about it, which l think is the best way ime.
My DH does confirm as has already been said that it is indeed dying out, although never been a wolf whistler himself even when younger, he has worked with many very prolific ones but says even they (at least in his experience) didnt tend to do it to very young or vulnerable/shy looking girls etc but only to the women who looked confident enough to not be upset by it/laugh it off or indeed tell them to piss off as some on this thread indeed would. I am sure there are some raving perverts in the building trade as in every industry however to whom every female is 'fair game'.
So going by that l think possibly in your situation OP and according to 'Unofficial Rules on Wolf Whistling according to DHs builder mates' then maybe they should have refrained.

I meant > ..confident enough to not be upset by it but able to laugh it off or indeed tell them to piss off...

Sorry that read wrong in my last post.

When is acceptable to compliment a woman?

Seemed pertinent :)

I once posted my displeasure at being hollered at on here, and got told I was a joyless woman who should have been flattered.

Yeah right. I am guessing that all the women on here who think it's ok are training up their sons and husbands to shout at women on the street 'because it's flattering' and encouraging their kids to behave like that towards the girls in their class? Yeah right.

What I've never understood I why men would think it's a suitable approach to make towards another person? Freaks.

freaks indeed.

I find it interesting that the women on here who take this kind of shit see themselves as confident and assume that women who get get annoyed about it are lacking in confidence.

I tend to see it the other way.

exactly countrykitten, I think it's strange to assume that women are lacking in confidence because they hate being hollered at in the street while going about their daily business.

Are there women here who would be ok with their husband behaving like this? ?