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Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
Icantstopeatinglol · 08/04/2013 13:42

Domino....I'm disgusted at a grown woman smacking a child!! I would be smacking someone of the same age (ish!) able to look after themselves! Very different..not ideal but if someone thought it ok to hit my child I'd be standing up for my dc and I don't care what anyone thinks.
The 'idiot' is the parent who thinks its ok to hit someone else's child!

pumpkinsweetie · 08/04/2013 13:43

Smacking your own child is one thing and even then i only agree with a light smack if all else fails and that's only for extreme circumstances like them trying to run out in front a moving car for example.

But to smack someone elses child is shocking to the core. No one has the right to chastise your child in such a way, ever!!!
I personally would pull her up on it and not socialise with such a person again.

DialMforMummy · 08/04/2013 13:44

Agree totally with Bling.
You should have said something there and then.
I am quite shocked at the number of people saying "yeah, I'd get her and knock her out". Pathetic and irresponsible attitude, not mentioning the dreadful role model for the DC.

TumbleWeeds · 08/04/2013 13:45

But if someone (adult) was hurting another person (adult), behaving in inappropriate ways and you intervene by slapping their hand/face/ whatever, then it would be looked at in a different way than just plain assault. Especially if you had already spoke to them and ask them to stop.

This is a child we are talking about here. Other ways could/should have been sought.
But I would also like to know what was the child doing. Was she hitting the woman's child and no one intervene? Was she pushing/biting for the x time that morning and the mum reacted to protect her own child?
I can't agree that that woman's reactions were right.
But under repeated 'misbehaviour' from the dd, then I can see how another parent could have over reacted.

Also what was the 'smack'? a slight tap on her bottom leaving no more mark than a bruise ego or a real hit done deliberately to hurt?

Again, it should have been handled in a different way but before going to see the Police, I would think long and hard as to Why the mum reacted in that way.

ChocolateCoins · 08/04/2013 13:45

I don't understand how smacking isn't illegal. If DP smacked me because I did something wrong, it would be assault. Yet if he were to smack our defenceless DD, it's fine. Doesn't make sense.

Call the police. What a horrible woman. I hope you and your DD are okay.

Emilythornesbff · 08/04/2013 13:45

Very upsetting. I would feel so upset and angry if anyone had hurt my dc. I don't believe in smacking at all. (although I would feel like punching that woman). It's just hitting and we call it smacking when it's done to children to make it sound ok.

I would speak to the woman when you are calm and be very clear that her behaviour was outrageous. What happens next would depend on her reaction.

I don't think I would call the police over the smacking of a fully clothed bottom though but you must do what you feel most comfortable with of course. It would depend also, for me, on how hard this "smack" was.

I would also want to know exactly what had happened. In this "tug of war". Did your dd hit her child? How old is the other child? Just out of curiosity.

I assume there's a bit of sibling rivalry going on. Poor you. Good luck, it will get better won't it.

Pasflo · 08/04/2013 13:47

It was wrong for her to smack your child. That sad perhaps you should realise if your child is behaving badly and stop spoiling it for other families who can control their children.

Pasflo · 08/04/2013 13:47

*said

TumbleWeeds · 08/04/2013 13:48

Sorry missed a couple of posts.

OP I have always kept an eye on my dc in that sort of circumstances. I would have expected her to go back to get the car tbh.

vintageclock · 08/04/2013 13:48

I agree with TumbleWeeds. Obviously the other mum was wrong but I would be concerned, if it was my child, about the fact that she was being such a pain that another mother lost control with her like that. At four, she's not a toddler and should be able to understand that no means no. Constantly going back and annoying other children after she's been told not to must be really irritating for the other adults in the group who were probably itching to tell her off.

Totally wrong to slap her though and I would make my annoyance clear on that. But seriously, I wouldn't bring the police into it over one smack on the bottom.

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 13:48

So it's understandable that a grown woman can lose her rag, but not that a four year old child can be a bit naughty at a play group. If it was affecting her time there, speak to the mother, don't put your hands on someone else's child! If she thinks that's ok, wonder what she gets up to at home behind closed doors.

ohforfoxsake · 08/04/2013 13:49

Wow. Am AngryAngryAngry for you. I hope you DD is ok.

I'd have screamed like a banshee 'how fucking dare you' and made sure everyone in the place knew exactly what she had done, got the manager and had her banned.

(NB I am very mild mannered normally)

Emilythornesbff · 08/04/2013 13:51

I thin it's also a shame that you obviously trusted these women with your dd while you had to go and change ds and then one of them hit her. That would be very upsetting for me.
I wouldn't be arranging any "playdates" with her obviously.

vintageclock · 08/04/2013 13:52

No one's saying its right for the other mother to lose her rag. We're just saying that instead of going to the police it might be better to tell the other woman that her behaviour was unacceptable and then to focus her energies on working out how to best discipline her daughter - who seems to be a child who was seriously annoying other people on a group outing. That would be my main concern as I would be afraid she would end up being excluded from things because other parents would just find her too annoying and badly behaved to want around spoiling things for their children.

BlingLoving · 08/04/2013 13:53

The point is that it's unlikely DD was hurt. That's why it's inappropriate but, IMO, not the same as assult or abuse.

And we do lots of things to small children we would never do to adults. We physically remove them from places even though they want to stay. We speak to them in a patronising and simplistic manner. We decide things like what they will eat/wear/go to school etc. I'm not saying it's the same as smacking but the argument that says that if someone smacked me on the bottom I'd file an assult charge and that therefore a similar situation is an assult on a child is clearly wrong.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/04/2013 13:53

I think calling 101 is in order.

vintageclock · 08/04/2013 13:55

Seriously, supposing you were out somewhere and were, for instance, a bit drunk and being a complete pest and a pita and someone gave you a smack on the arm and said 'would you ever stop shouting and pushing me' or somesuch.
Would you call the police?

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 13:55

I call BS on those who believe there are children under control by parents 100% of the time. Some people are living on cloud cuckoo land. I try my hardest to make sure, when my children are out in public, that they don't get in the way or irritate other people, does it work 100% of the time, I'd be lying if I said yes. I'm sure no one can disagree with what I've said if you're living in reality. Children are spontaneous, adventurous and sometimes a bit naughty. They are children! Imagine a lioness being frowned upon because her cubs are being a bit raucous. It's ridiculous.

Emilythornesbff · 08/04/2013 13:56

I've just realised that if this had been me as a4 year old being smacked by a new friend of my mother i'd probably have receivedfom other one for being naughty enough to "deserve" the I initial smack.

And my mother was relatively mild mannered compared to others at the time. Just shows how times have changed (for the better obviously)

OnwardBound · 08/04/2013 13:56

OMG!

That is terrible, I think I would have had to say something then and there, along the lines "Hey, put her down! What do you think you are doing?!!!" but probably would also be so shocked I would have to leave straight away and burst into tears

I second calling 101 for advice. And maybe also reporting the incident to the soft play management [if you haven't already done so].

But it's really really not acceptable and I am amazed that anyone could justify smacking mother's actions.

Yes, she might have been irritated by your DDs behaviour and may have thought you weren't dealing with it [I know that's not the case and you were occupied with DS but just trying to imagine how this crazy woman might be thinking].

But then surely the mature and adult thing to do is either have a gentle quiet word with your DD about sharing or by approaching the parent and asking them to intervene please. Or failing that approach a soft play member of staff for assistance.

But to pick child up and smack her bottom, well that's absolutely not appropriate behaviour from an adult [even child's parents imo] and I think I would be having words with this woman if I ever saw her again.

In the meantime OP have a nice sugary cup of tea and try and relax.

Hope your DD is okay. For what it's worth my DS has also just turned 4 and has suddenly turned into a defiant, aggressive little horror [on occasion, mostly he's as sweet as always Confused]. Think it might be something about the developmental stage they are at?

Just remember, this too will pass. And you won't be doing soft play hell for ever, thank god!

Fakebook · 08/04/2013 13:57

Hi clumsyoaf. Whatchoo gonna do then? Hmm

AnonymousBird · 08/04/2013 13:57

I am appalled that this woman smacked your child.

However, if there was a set-to going on involving your DD, why didn't YOU intervene pronto the second time to extract your DD/attempt to resolve as you had before?

I hope your DD is ok, and she should never have been smacked, of course, but if your DD can't cope with the play situation, taking turns etc, then you cannot leave her unattended, even for a few seconds until she passes that phase.

Emilythornesbff · 08/04/2013 13:58

lovepickles agree

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/04/2013 13:59

Well done for not smacking her back OP! I know what I am like, I would react then think.. so I would have jawed the bitch... but I am quite common I 'spose :)

I wouldn't call the police, but I would have it out with her one way or another!

shewhowines · 08/04/2013 13:59

Unacceptable but i wouldn't go to the police.

I imagine she will get her "comeuppance" from her friends, who obviously disapproved, if they texted you to see if you are ok.

I would send the woman a text calmly stating how it was not an appropriate response, even though you can understand she was frustrated.

I would also let the other friends know how upset you are and get their feedback (although be careful not to put any of them in an awkward position as you don't want to upset them - just to make your position clear).
It may be that they don't condone the other woman's behaviour but they may have views on your parenting that you could perhaps learn from, or they may validate you completely. Either way it would be beneficial and helpful to get their perspectives on it.

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