Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30

MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:

Report

DaemonPantalaemon · 08/04/2013 13:23

Come on Britain, make your minds up. You either disallow smacking or you don't. In scenario one, a mother smacks her child, and you all give a universal shrug. Because smacking is not harmful you reason, it is just a little smack. In scenario two, a stranger gives the same smack to the same child for the same behavior. Cue the outrage.

Do you not see how very silly and contradictory it is? It is like medieval laws allowing a man to chastise his wife with a beating, but punishing another man for doing the same thing.

The bottom line should be that smacking is wrong. No matter who does it. Say it loud. Smacking is wrong.

Once a society gives permission to smack, it can not be surprised when strangers take this permission to justify their own behavior.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 08/04/2013 13:23

You need to inform the police that your daughter has been assaulted.

Well done for not slapping the woman yourself. That would have been very stupid in many ways.

Scholes34 · 08/04/2013 13:24

BurningBridges - yes, but without the sex.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 08/04/2013 13:25

Agreed Daemon

Fairylea · 08/04/2013 13:27

Agree Daemon.

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 13:28

No, no, no, no, no! How can someone do that? I really don't understand what's wrong with just approaching you to take care of the situation! There's always someone who wants to blame the child's behaviour for the adult's behaviour, but there is no excuse for hitting someone else's child. Ever. Teaching children to be violent towards strangers, whilst trying to be the moral compass of soft play makes you a bit of a hypocrite in my book! YANBU!

Op, I don't know how you kept your cool, but 'HEY! Wth do you think you're doing' would have left my mouth sooner than it would have taken me to process the pictures my eyes have just seen.

Once had a woman thumping my son in the back right in front of my eyes because he was taking a little too long to get in the door of a shop. (She pushed in between me and him, and the door was a bit heavy for him to push. I literally stood over her while she dug her knuckles into his back saying 'come on, come on, hurry up'. Couldn't help myself but call her up on it, she DENIED it! Then ran out of the shop. What is wrong with some people?

BlingLoving · 08/04/2013 13:28

Right. The other woman was 100% wrong and you should definitely a) tell her that and b) decide not to have anything to do with her ever again.

but calling the police seems overkill to me. She didn't slap DD around the face. I assume she did not hurt DD really and that DD is crying more in shock?

I don't approve of smacking and I would be making it very clear to anyone who smacked my child that it was absolutely unacceptable. But I would not call the police. It's like people smoking around children - it boggles my mind that they do it, and I would not allow a friend to light up in my house or take DS inside to a smoker's house, but I'm not about to call the police about it.

Sorry, I know this is an unpopular view. but I think you have to be realistic. This woman was wrong. But she did not abuse your daughter.

SmellieWellies · 08/04/2013 13:28

I say it loud- smacking is wrong.

I'd be going to the police too.

How is your DD now, OP?

LilRedWG · 08/04/2013 13:29

Not sure what I'd do - I think I'd react as you did and walk out. In reply to her texts I would probably send a simple response, "No, I'm not okay. You hit my child. Please do not contact me again". I'd then think about how you'd like to take this forward.

HairyGrotter · 08/04/2013 13:29

I'd have gone fucking nuclear. I wouldn't lay a finger on her, but I'd have her on her fucking knees crying.

Ah hell no! Yes, children can be little buggers, but there is NO WAY I'd lay a hand on anothers child?! What sort of psycho does? Get your arse in her face and lay that down, she needs some boundaries!

Or do what sensible folk do, call the police (I'm no sensible, I'm a reactionary sort ;))

SmellieWellies · 08/04/2013 13:30

I think it is abuse, Bling. It is assault, IMO. (Although tbh i may be slightly hypocritical here as I think my reaction would have been to throw a punch at her).

LilRedWG · 08/04/2013 13:30

I think I would be calling the police non-emergency number for advice.

Kormachameleon · 08/04/2013 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 08/04/2013 13:32

Yes she did Bling if someone picked me up and slapped my arse I'd be going to the police, why does a child who is unable to defend themselves deserve less protection?

vintageclock · 08/04/2013 13:33

No one should smack a child but calling the police is OTT. I would make it clear to the other mother that she was well out of order and demand an apology but, seriously, don't you think the police have enough to to?

Fairylea · 08/04/2013 13:33

Smacking is assault. It is physical assault. Not the same as passive smoking!

If I went over to someone in the street and smacked them they would have no hesitation phoning the police. Regardless of whether it was face / hands / bottom etc.

Why do we not offer the same level of seriousness when it happens to the littlest and most vulnerable members of society? Makes me so angry that people think it's not worth calling the police.

Nerfmother · 08/04/2013 13:33

Do you not think that actually calling the police would be a massively divisive and destructive thing to do to a group of friends? And cause more harmful longer term effects than the actual smack.
You should calmly tell her its wrong, etc. All this hysterical I'd effing lamp her seems really ott, and likely to incite the op to do something that she can't take back.
We don't smack btw, I've banned it, I don't like it, but this wasn't a sustained uncontrolled attack - please think about the longer term outcome you want for the group of mums you meet with.

MonaLotte · 08/04/2013 13:35

WTF? That is terrible op. I would have gone mental. What did the mother do/say when you were leaving?

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 13:36

What HungryClocks said!

Rainbowinthesky · 08/04/2013 13:37

I agree with nerfmother. I don't smack and don't see any value or point to it but lots of other people do.

Dominodonkey · 08/04/2013 13:37

I love the amount of idiots on here who are so 'disgusted' by the violence of the women smacking the child they would 'knock the women's block off'

OP - the woman's behaviour was obviously unacceptable but you need to sort out your child's behaviour - the fact that she went back again after being pulled away by you shows you need to change your discipline strategies since she obviously does not think she has to do as you say.

toosoft · 08/04/2013 13:39

Smacking someones child is a massively destructive thing to do and a group of friends would not come before my child and my childs welfare.

Rainbowinthesky · 08/04/2013 13:39

It does sound like your dd was being a pain and ruining it for this other parent and child but that doesn't excuse smacking. People who do smack though, I would think, would smack for behaviour like that.

LovePickles · 08/04/2013 13:40

What would you do Dominodonkey?

MrsWembley · 08/04/2013 13:40

My close friends know that they can tell my DD off if she is being naughty and I can do the same for their DCs. We also all know that in situations where they are playing up we will also remove them, after a couple of warnings, and take them home.

But never, ever, in a million years would they smack my child and I would never smack theirs. And this is a woman who you are just getting to know? Un-fucking-believable!

However, I agree with those who say the police would probably not do anything. You need to step up and show your DD that you've got her back by saying something to the woman, preferably whilst she's around. I would have packed up and left, as you did, and I don't know if I'd have said anything at the time (shock does strange things to the vocal cords), but I'd certainly be on the phone now, telling her exactly how inappropriate her actions were.

I'd also point out out that her DC had been playing with the car for a while and maybe it was her DC that should learn to share...

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 29 30

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.