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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that exp is being passive aggressive cutting ds's hair off whilst he was on his Easter holiday with him

59 replies

prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 22:50

Ds had shoulder length hair, he is 5. It was blonde and gorgeous and I thought his dad was fine with it. We both discussed that we liked long hair on boys etc....

Anyway he goes off for a week with his dad, I call to ask him about passport details for ds's passport, ex offers to get ds some passport photos and a hair cut for his photos I say ok

He comes home with a short hair cut - short back and sides

When I say oh his hairs cut off exp mutters something about him being a big boy etc

I am pissed off that he didn't mention that it would be a very short hair cut (hes always had long hair) before he came home as we were in contact and that he thought that now I'm still going to be all matey with him

Just seems sneaky to me knowing that I'll be pissed off

I'm even more pissed off as I don't mind the hair cut just the fucking sneaking around !!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 06/04/2013 22:53

er - you say he told you he was going to get ds's hair cut. How is that 'sneaking around' ? Confused

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 22:56

Ds has regular hair cuts, and exp knows this just what he usually has not a short back and sides

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/04/2013 22:57

hair cut for photos I say ok - so he's had his hair cut (and I'll bet he looks a whole lot better)

I have said many many many times and been flamed but I don't care.
I can't abide long hair on boys.

redlac · 06/04/2013 22:58

Maybe your son asked for it to be cut short?

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 22:59

Look at my photos he looks great !

OP posts:
monsterchild · 06/04/2013 23:00

If he muttered something perhaps he isn't happy with it either? Maybe the hairdresser cut more off than dad wanted, but dad wasn't paying attention and didn't say anything in time?
If as you say he also likes Ds's hair longer, he may be a bit embarrassed this happened.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 06/04/2013 23:01

Your son is probably now of an age where being referred to as "she" and "her" and the children at school saying "ooo youuu looklike a ggiiiiiirrrrlllllll ha ha ha" are upsetting him.
I can think of three or four boys I've known whose parents have grown their hair long and they have been begging for it to be cut "like a boy" once they get tonursery and school because the other children have very clearly defined ideas of what constitutes "boys stuff" and "girls stuff"
(And no doubt this will spark yet another "Boycott the gender biassed toys" debate, but, in real life, it's what happens.)

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 23:01

Well I asked ds and he just repeated what his dad said, every time we go to the hairdresser go to the same one we always ask him what he wants

I don't think he was that bothered, and to be honest it would be fine with me too but frankly his dad did it to upset me and that makes me pissed off

He's using ds

OP posts:
HollaAtMeBaby · 06/04/2013 23:01

How does your DS feel? He's not actually a doll, y'know Hmm

BackforGood · 06/04/2013 23:02

Well all fashion is a matter of opinion, isn't it?
You think it looks great on his shoulders, but his Dad obviously thought it would look better shorter. Doesn't really matter what any strangers on the internet think, this is one of those things you have to work out between you. I can't see that either of your opinions should count more than the other one.

redlac · 06/04/2013 23:03

Maybe your son realises that you are pissed off and just repeating what his dad says rather than telling you that he wanted it short

What was your reaction when your son walked in?

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 23:03

Honestly there's loads at ds's school with the same hair cut, plus he's never ever mentioned it

I thought it would come up but it hasn't

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 23:04

I didn't really say anything we did the usual chat about what he's done

I'm not fussed about the hair style it's more the doing it behind my back

OP posts:
Blessyou · 06/04/2013 23:05

Yanbu. I'd be gutted. I'm glad you say you don't mind.
If he did it to be PA best thing you can do is let exp know you love it Smile

mynewpassion · 06/04/2013 23:06

Glad MNers are consistent today. Just because one parent doesn't like it be it a particular hair cut or painting son's toe nails, that parent is being unreasonable because no harm was done and said child was ok with the actions.

ProphetOfDoom · 06/04/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 23:08

Haha yes I love it thanks you've saved me so much money !!!

To be honest he looks so cute with short hair you know that's not the issue it's just the surprise of it !

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 06/04/2013 23:09

Ahh yeah cheers, it's in the Blake gallery York if you want to buy it ;)

He does look very handsome

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:21

i say as long as the child is happy with his hair be it long short or pink then that's what matters.

sometimes when i think my dses could do with a cut i ask them both (one 3, one 7) sometime both agree and we go to barbers, sometimes neither want it cut and sometimes just one will so one gets the chop and one doesn't. they change their minds all the time and i really dont give a shite tbh. it's just hair, and it's their hair. they can do what they want with it, i just pay for the cuts when they want them. or their dad does if he takes them when they're at his.

rootypig · 06/04/2013 23:21

YANBU, I'd be devastated. Is this where the male gender gets hold of your son? I remember it happening to my brother (not short hair, just maleness in general) and it was sad.

DS is gorgeous and your artwork is beautiful.

CloudsAndTrees · 06/04/2013 23:23

What makes you think he did it to upset you and not just because he thought it would look better?

I understand why you're annoyed that he didn't make it clear it was going to be a short haircut, but he did tell you your ds would be having a haircut.

MsColour · 06/04/2013 23:27

I'd have been upset.

But equally I'd have been amazed if my ex had offered to get the children's hair cut (and pay for it!). And I suppose he did phone you to check it was OK to get it cut.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/04/2013 23:36

So he looks cute with short hair.
Your not fussed about the hair style, it's the going behind your back.

But he didn't go behind your back.
And what you're saying, in essence, is his Dad can't be trusted to take him for a haircut?

I know people celebrate their child's first haircut and rue the baby hair being shorn.
But it's only hair.

Strokes my teen boys neat "3 & 5" cut.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/04/2013 23:45

If your Ex had kicked off about the passport details it would have been worth an AIBU but I can't see what he has done wrong so

YABU.

treas · 07/04/2013 00:00

I don't think your feelings came into the equation - your ex decided it would look better shorter and so had it cut shorter when he got the opportunity and it was with your permission.

It is just hair and it will grow - and pretty quickly if my ds is anything to go by.