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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

' women are looking for friends, men are looking for fucks' aibu to be seeting.

81 replies

parrelluniverse · 06/04/2013 14:17

this gem was said to me a few days ago by a potential date. I had been speaking to him for about 2 weeks and until that point he had been lovely, we had a date arranged which has now been cancelled.

He had got a bit overly flirty, i had called him on it and that was his response, he was also cross at women, as they dont mean to be hurtful, but apparently they are, when the reject these ' fucks' or ' fuck advances'

degree educated, posh job, seemed perfectable respectable until this point.

I am still SO angry about this. I accept it is true, especially with online dating, i have enough experience to verify it, but it just makes me angry.
AIBU

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 14:20

YABU to accept it and be so angry yes.

Having said that, plenty of women are looking for no stings sex too...but perhaps they aren't quite as up front about it?

Original poster
parrelluniverse · 06/04/2013 14:22

Im angry because he had said he was after a relationship, and spending time getting to know someone. Then he turns around and says that, he had actually no interest in getting to know me at all.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/04/2013 14:23

At least he let his guard down and you found out before you went on a date.

CheCazzo · 06/04/2013 14:24

Well of course he said he was after a relationship! He was hardly going to open bidding with "I'm after a couple of fucks" was he?

YABU to get this would up about it. There are arseholes everywhere. You just met one. You can do nothing to change this.

Machli · 06/04/2013 14:24

And you didn't already know this? Wink

Unfortunately I think quite a high percentage of men have this mindset. I don't even try to meet anyone anymore as I am too fragile to deal with it.

After the third picture of someone's knob within a few days of exchanging numbers without ever having been on a date (all different men) I realised I am just not "with it" as far as dating is concerned in today's market.

Original poster
parrelluniverse · 06/04/2013 14:34

id expect more of someone in their mid 30's claming to want a relationship.

I did know it already, but its just kind of crap really. I have been dating ( and single) for a very long time, and because of this being the general attitude, i dont get anywhere. Its sad.

If he hadnt of said that, i would have met him, and then wondered why i didnt see him again, because i wouldnt have slept with him on a first date. Had i of slept with him, i can also guarantee i wouldnt have seen him, as he would have then deemed me a slapper. Cant win

OP posts:
ComposHat · 06/04/2013 14:39

what a charmer! PIt it down as a narrow escape. Good thing about Internet dating is that you didn't waste an evening on this berk.

HairyGrotter · 06/04/2013 14:40

I've been online dating on and off for 2 years. I had to keep stopping as my faith in humanity kept diminishing to dangerous levels. There are some fucking cranks out there, but you learn to spot them quickly and block them.

I've recently met a guy who is actually, dare I say it, normal?! We're only 4 weeks in and many dates down, but he's by far the most genuine, normal one I've met in years.

I wouldn't seethe on it too long, add to experience and crack on.

SoniaGluck · 06/04/2013 14:41

Actually I don't think that you are being unreasonable in being angry. It is a duplicitous way of approaching the situation and a pretty disgusting attitude in general, IMO.

After the third picture of someone's knob within a few days of exchanging numbers without ever having been on a date (all different men)

And, as an aside, what the hell is this with sending photos of willies in order to attract a sexual partner? Do they really think it's a turn on? FFS.

I cannot think of anything that would put me off more unless it was admitting he had syphilis or something. Hmm

TheOrchardKeeper · 06/04/2013 14:42

Whaaaaaaaaat? Hmm

Lovely man Grin

Don't let it put you off the dating game! My mum's done internet dating for ages (mainlu plenty of fish) & whilst single atm she has met a few very nice blokes (after some serious sifting through wankers like that).

Smile
HairyGrotter · 06/04/2013 14:44

Oh and the cock pictures!! I send them on to mates and we all have a chuckle, I even let the men know I do that too, they hate that apparently?! Who knew Wink

Machli · 06/04/2013 14:46

Grin I texted one back to say there was a big gang of us sat in the pub sniggering at his photo. He was furious!

FantasticDay · 06/04/2013 14:46

Charming! Don't lose faith though. Met my dh on a dating site ten years ago. He's my soulmate. Good luck x

Machli · 06/04/2013 14:47

Oh and the general consensus was "could be bigger".

Original poster
parrelluniverse · 06/04/2013 14:49

4years doing it and counting. not got lucky yet.

I know how the game works. im just continually surprised that men that behave this way actually function in life. because,come on, you just dont say that to someone, especially not someone you havent met.

and dont even start on the cock pictures. i had a montage once.

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 06/04/2013 14:50

I got sent one which was the UGLIEST penis I've ever seen, and I've seen a few, I showed it to anyone who would look, even my mum, who was appalled ha.

I sent him a message to advise him that, with a penis like that, it's best to leave the gruesome discovery to face to face communication, with a GP preferably. Oooo he got a right cob on ;) p,ay with them, it really can be fun

Fairydogmother · 06/04/2013 14:51

What a lovely man - not!

I met my fiancée on match over 3 years ago and I can honestly say he's perfect! We got engaged at Christmas and the wedding is next year.

There were a fair few oddities lurking when I first started online dating but thankfully you get a chance to weed them out!

Machli · 06/04/2013 14:51

I don't get the cock pictures I just don't. I wouldn't dream of sending a picture of MY equipment to some bloke I had exchanged a few texts with.

drfayray · 06/04/2013 14:52

Sigh...I posted something recently about online dating...I have given up...I too received the knob shots...really guys, that is NOT the way to get me interested.. plus you do realise we show these knob shots to our friends and laugh and laugh and laugh Grin...

Oh one dude I met said that he was really interested in me and wanted to shag me but he needed to tell me that he had been given a gift...yes indeed...he had herpes...but I was not to worry as apparently I might not get it. Hmm... my face was a picture....

I think YANBU to seethe...but accept it...hard to find a decent man...which is why I have given up and and am just doing stuff I love...

YouTheCat · 06/04/2013 14:52

The correct response to a knob picture is: 'I've seen more meat on a chipolata' Grin

YouTheCat · 06/04/2013 14:54

Or 'Why have you sent me a picture of your finger?' Wink

Gossipmonster · 06/04/2013 14:55

Why would it bother you if he was "slightly flirty?" It is a dating site after all?

There are a lot of wankers on dating sites as there are in all walks of life. Just ignore them and move on.

I met OH on a very seedy dating site 4 yrs ago - we are now engaged and I am happier than I have ever been :)

There is someone for everyone and all that.

ComposHat · 06/04/2013 14:55

or wow! I've never seen a veiny tic tac before.

HairyGrotter · 06/04/2013 14:56

Herpes a gift? He must've been a very good boy to get such a gift. I've heard some cracking horror stories, you have to laugh or you'll just break down and cry sometimes.

I'm kinda sad I won't be receiving anymore cock pictures for the foreseeable future, they used to have us roaring with laughter

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 06/04/2013 14:58

Sorry to hear that - it's so disappointing, apart from anything else isn't it.

I really really really wish MN would let us have that 'This is One Fuckwit you want to avoid' gallery!!

Knob shots, such a joke aren't they. I mean FFS there are very few that are 'nice looking' when you know the bloke they are connected to, let alone a random one! Most of them are not exactly attractive just useful on occasion