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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

278 replies

princessj29 · 05/04/2013 22:21

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

OP posts:
flippinada · 06/04/2013 10:40

So what if it is OTT though? I mean I can see why people might think so but that doesn't matter does it?

That the "friend" thought this but also having said it then voiced it in such an unpleasant way - really nasty.

flippinada · 06/04/2013 10:40

Having thought it, not said it.

Trazzletoes · 06/04/2013 10:41

I'm actually quite surprised that some posters on here actually have friends if any time those friends make a fuss of their DCs or do something they think their DCs might enjoy they get told they are over-indulgent or precious or ridiculous etc.

What's so hard about just keeping your mouth shut and then talking to your DP about it? Do you get some enjoyment from making your friends feel like crap?

CheeseStrawWars · 06/04/2013 10:41

I think you bought in to the last Disneyland TV advertising campaign!Grin But your mate is horrible.

Might not be a bad idea getting "Mickey" to call if your DD hasn't seen any characters in costume before. My DD is 4, I asked her how tall she thinks Mickey is, she thinks he's about 2 foot tall!

I have heard of children getting freaked out by 'giant' characters so it will be a good gauge of whether you need to work on that aspect with her before the trip. Be awful if you got there and she spent the holiday terrified of giant mice!

HorryIsUpduffed · 06/04/2013 10:45

The friend's comment was completely unnecessary and insensitive. How spiteful.

Like other posters I expected OP to be the kind of parent who doesn't let the children do anything remotely dangerous and hovers with handgel all the time.

For what it's worth the costume etc is not remotely the kind of thing I'd do although we do do surprises. I don't think it's about "how do you top that" but rather that every occasion would get special treatment and that would surely dilute the effect.

If it is genuinely occasional and you also have "normal" occasions and surprises, then a one-off bit of bonkers dressing-up sounds groovy.

MuddlingMackem · 06/04/2013 10:45

AllDirections Sat 06-Apr-13 10:40:10

MuddlingMackem DD1 has taken DD3 to the cinema in Middlesbrough so I'll text and tell them to go to the Cleveland Centre after that

FreudiansSlipper · 06/04/2013 10:52

Trazz I can not imagine any of my friends doing this thlauds why I would laugh and yes I would say its being over indulgent. If this were to happen they would probably tell me to piss off and stop being a grump go get a bottle of wine and help me get into this twatish costume it would not be the end of a friendship

landofsoapandglory · 06/04/2013 11:10

The friend's comment was completely out of order and very unkind.

However, I think it is very OTT. Memories shouldn't be made and constructed, they should happen naturally and be spontaneous IMO.

youmaycallmeSSP · 06/04/2013 11:23

Anyone else wondering if there are 2 Mr Blobby-loving small boys who were terrified of him in RL? :o

gorionine · 06/04/2013 11:47

I think it is a lovely idea. It is great for your DDs they will have beautiful memories from their childhood.
My Dad used to make us toys with old stuff. I still remember fondly the harp he made for me out of a sardine can and a broken egg slicer! (even made me and siblings a wooden see saw and a life size wooden horse with an old tree trunk a neighbour was getting rid off)

Childhood is a magic time and does sadly not last forever, memories such as the ones you are giving them will keep them going and hopefully theywill do the same for their own children one day. Generations of happy children will be better prepared to make this world a better place!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/04/2013 12:02

TSC that was a slightly err controversial comment about 10 year old fat chavs going round housing estates..many would be monumentally roasted for that one.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/04/2013 12:03

I went in one for my aunties 70th..I was 36. Twas a laugh.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/04/2013 12:06

It wasn't a v nice thing to say and it's probably not quite the thing I'd have thought about the kind of 'memory making' you're describing BUT I do think such behaviour is OTT and contrived and rather cringe-worthy. The best memories are the ones that happen from natural events, not those photo-shopped by parents, imho.

CrapBag · 06/04/2013 12:09

I admit that the shit stuff in my childhood (and there is enough of it) far outweighs the good stuff in terms of memories. Something like this will be a great memory for your DD, even if it isn't something that other people would do.

Your friend should never have said that, it was a horrible thing to say and I would have to say something to her about how offensive she was. Then I would be limiting my time in her company.

FeckOffCup · 06/04/2013 12:12

I think your friend sounds like a proper miserable cow, why try to make you feel bad about doing something lovely for your DD. and I am one of those weirdos with tinkerbell PJs and hello kitty watch.

WireCatWhore · 06/04/2013 12:29

What a lovely thing to do. Childhood is so short. She will remember that forever.

Your friend is horrible.

shesariver · 06/04/2013 12:31

I suppose it was a bit rude, but it does all seem a bit Make a Wish Foundation

Er how exactly? Its only someone dressed up in a mouse costume giving a ticket at the end of the day, whilst I get everyone thinks differently I think its sad that something designed to put a smile on a childs face is seen by some people somehow as wrong.

ChristmasJubilee you would think Im OTT to then as I to decorate the house at Christmas and HalloweenGrin I love it and the kids all love it. Its just a bit of fun for us all. Dont do birthday parties mind you!

Original poster
princessj29 · 06/04/2013 12:34

Don't think she's jealous - she has much more money than me and could easily afford a far better trip. I didn't tell her in a bragging way, the costume hire shop called while I was with her and she asked what it was about so I told her. DD has met lots of characters and isn't remotely freaked out by them - she's more freaked out by actual people (strangers) approaching her so think she'll be fine. She doesn't really know much about Disneyland and the mickey with the tickets bit may well be her favourite bit. I agree about memories being natural - some of DDs are great - but she won't know it's been engineered so her feelings will be genuine.

OP posts:
Ministrone · 06/04/2013 12:37

If your friend used the words "as though she is terminally ill" then she was being incredibly crass and insensitive and has also upset some people who have suffered the awful loss of a child.

If she compared your idea to the 'Make a Wish Foundation' charity and its followers then perhaps she just has a warped sense of humour.

I do hope that you have sorted out your other problems.

Original poster
princessj29 · 06/04/2013 12:38

I admit I do find it sad that people think its 'a bit make a wish foundation.' No one would disagree that the foundation do awesome things which enrich a child's life so why is it OTT to do similar things for your own child? They are only young and believing in magic for a short time, surely we should make the most of it rather than turning them into being sceptical and scornful before their time?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 06/04/2013 12:42

I'm the world's most prosaic parent - I never even told my DCs Santa was real - and a bit mean and we rarely had much money, so our special occasions were rare and never stretched to Florida. But it's nice, really nice, to save up and plan something special which you know your children will love. It doesn't matter if it isn't something you'd do yourself by choice now you're GROWN UP FFS (aimed at those who have the horrors about people dressing up as animals etc; so do I, but I'm not 5 years old). And you certainly don't need the reason that it's the last chance you'll ever have to do something special with that child Sad

ps OP's friend is a miserable old cow.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 06/04/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shesariver · 06/04/2013 12:43

They are only young and believing in magic for a short time

I think like you, whereas although everyone has the right to their own opinion I think that some people are just misery guts and suck the fun out of life Grin

Longdistance · 06/04/2013 12:44

You are giving your dd a childhood to remember. Nothing wrong with that.
In regards to your friend, is she just jealous of what you're doing?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/04/2013 12:45

I agree that they are only young and believe in magic for such a short time, but there is a difference between leaving out a mince pie for Father Christmas, for example, and doing a whole chap in a costume leaping up to them to present them with tickets sort of thing. One feels like tradition and the other feels contrived and OTT, but that's just my opinion.