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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

278 replies

princessj29 · 05/04/2013 22:21

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2013 14:01

OP, carry on doing with what you see to be good enough for your DD. I always did similar for my DD's, now 27-15, they still talk about past events. I did OTT (in others opinion) events, their friends still talk about the stuff that they took part in. Recently I surprised my 17 year old with tickets in Paris to see a last EU performance of her favourite dance group. However she was equally happy with her Sponge Bob pjs and matching socks, at Easter, so it doesn't mean that they carry on needing big expensive stuff. We all have our own personalities and I like to theme whatever I am doing, as you must do, I don't understand why you would come up with an idea and then decide that it is to much for a person who is supposed to mean the world to you, without getting into debt, of course. Stay away from people who suck the joy and life out of everything.

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 14:01

What's wrong with it?

Well nothing much if you're into making big pointless dramas about things.

I just think that kind of thing steals a bit of magic from children, because it's so tacky and so obviously fake.

You think it makes them happy. I think they know they're meant to play happy in their parent's personal drama.

I don't think children need adults manufacturing "magic" for them.

It comes from them. And too much adult involvement just kills it.

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2013 14:04

I should have added that I Paris themed everything around the add on gift, which she loved.

flippinada · 06/04/2013 14:04

What's with all the catsbumface, how ott comments? OP has said she had a rotten time as a child and wants to do a nice thing for her DD.

MagratOfStolat · 06/04/2013 14:07

What the actual fuck.

I think my hand would have "accidentally" found her face if anyone had said that to me. That's a SHOCKING thing to say. What, just because she isn't dying, she doesn't deserve to have a nice time?! She should suffer with the rest of us and be miserable just because there isn't something wrong with her?!

Fuck me, that's just the most stupid logic I've ever heard...

BloggingAboutTediousThings · 06/04/2013 14:07

That sounds lovely. Ignore your 'friend'.

fallon8 · 06/04/2013 14:16

Touch if the green cheese,,you go for it,she will love it.be sure to show the photos when you get back

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2013 14:17

"AThing", it mite have a touch of drama about it, or rather creativity, but it certainly isn't pointless.

everlong · 06/04/2013 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herethereandeverywhere · 06/04/2013 14:21

You are making magical moments for your child. Those memories will last forever.

Your friend sounds nasty, bitter and actually rather envious. It LOVED it when my parents surprised me like this. I never got big things like Disney tickets but we got special presents presented in special ways.

Children can and do make their own fun but that does not mean that special events such as this will not be appreciated, enjoyed or cherished. Anyone saying otherwise is being sour grapes.

everlong · 06/04/2013 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 14:25

Yeah, I guess I reject the idea that creating big dramas is creative in any positive way.

What's creative about renting a Mickey Mouse suit? What's imaginative about it?

Adjectives I would reach for are tiresome, tacky and mundane.

"Woooooooo, we're going to Disney. Now let's flog that horse until it's dead months before we even pack our bags."

Apologies for possibly triggering Grand National imagery on the day that's in it.

everlong · 06/04/2013 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IslaValargeone · 06/04/2013 14:34

I'm quite a cynical person, but holy shit, I'm amazed at the kill joy attitude being shown by some.
How can people be so scathing because someone wants to do something nice for their child

FreudiansSlipper · 06/04/2013 14:34

Have none of your friends ever said anything that has upset you or we have disagreed with.

The reference to treating her as though she terminally ill of course is wrong but no one on here ever said somethng stupid have many times obviously ^

getting all very dramatic drop her, she is no friend is all a little precious so she thought it was silly so what

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2013 14:37

Well the look on a child's face when being given a present in a showy manner, says different, it's a bit like them entering a fully decorated house at Christmas. It's just an extension of theming a party, with the cake to match, rather than picking one up on the day from Iceland.

flippinada · 06/04/2013 14:48

Blimey I know Isla.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 06/04/2013 14:55

I think.its fun to do these things occasionally.

Ds2 and his friends still remember darth vader coming to his party.

When ds1 turned four he was really into undersea type stuff. So in the weeks leading up to his bday dp and i made loads of decorations in this theme. Then once he was in bed the night before his bday we put them all up, covered the sofa with blue throw and all the walls and furniture with blue tissue paper and pretend seaweed and fish etc. I had stuff hanging from the ceiling etc. Took us hours we were up doing it till the early hours of the morning but the look on his face in the morning was priceless and he had his friends round for a party. they are all 13/14 now but they still remember the party and the decirations.

Was it over the top? Yes probably but dp and i enjoyed planning and doing it and it was worth it. One of the decorations was a lighthouse and a plane pulling a happy birthday banner. We drew and made it ourselves and we still have it, oh and a hot air balloon tbat ds1 still has up on the wall of his bedroom!

We have done all sorts, and doing something 'big' doesnt mean you have to do something bigger and better next time.

Meh i enjoy doing stuff like this, its fun.

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 14:55

Kids are very good at figuring out and giving the desired reaction.

You can bake a cake without a party theme.

But nice little dig there pretending people who are afraid of don't enjoy organised FUN are lazy and get frozen cakes in the world's worst shop. :o

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 06/04/2013 15:00

Well my kids dont always give the reaction i expect.

Ds4 turned 5 a few weeks ago. He had asked for s lego ninjago cake so i made him one. His reaction when he saw it was to burst into tears ans howl because i had made a blue lego ninjago and he had wanted a green ninjago... Mummy fail! He got ovet it and lovef the cake and i can look back and laugh at his 'trauma'

I was impressec at my restraint as i didnt shove the cake in his face

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 15:01

"When ds1 turned four he was really into undersea type stuff. So in the weeks leading up to his bday dp and i made loads of decorations in this theme. Then once he was in bed the night before his bday we put them all up, covered the sofa with blue throw and all the walls and furniture with blue tissue paper and pretend seaweed and fish etc. I had stuff hanging from the ceiling etc. Took us hours we were up doing it till the early hours of the morning but the look on his face in the morning was priceless and he had his friends round for a party. they are all 13/14 now but they still remember the party and the decirations."

OK, that's cool.

And totally magical.

But no 5 year old had to pretend that Kwazii was really at their party. (Disclaimer: I know there were no Octonauts then. Further disclaimer: the "real" Octononauts live in our house. DH and I didn't invite them.)

To me having a really cool decorated party is nothing like having fake Mickey for the announcement of a future holiday.

McBalls · 06/04/2013 15:03

Athing...you're really over thinking all this

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 06/04/2013 15:11

You sound like a really, really lovely Mum and your DD's are very lucky to have you :) I've only read your posts, not the replies as I'm sure you've had a mixed response - varying from 'how fab' to 'what the fuck??' - but seriously, stop caring what anyone else thinks. You enjoy it, your DD enjoys it (and I'm sure DD2 will as well when she's old enough!). As you said, you had a crap childhood and you want to make your DD's childhood as lovely as you can. You say she is lovely, that she isn't 'spoilt or demanding' so where is the harm? No-where, that's where!!

Christ only knows why your friend would say something so revolting - I'd be re-considering my friendship with someone who would say that. I'm with you - if she'd said it was OTT I'd have said 'Yeah - and??' and wouldn't have been annoyed - but saying what she said, it's horrible.

Carry on, enjoy every moment with them, they're only little for such a short time and ignore any mardy arses who think children should be happy to get a penny on their birthday's if they're lucky

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 06/04/2013 15:12

Oh - and please ignore the rogue apostrophe - not sure where that came from

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 15:16

McBalls - I'll overthink whatever you want. I'm on my 6th day of a throat so sore I have to make an appointment to swallow.

Distract meeeeeeee! :o

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