I've inherited some money and don't know how to share it.

[Snowme]

I've inherited a significant amount of money. Not enough to buy a house or anything like that,but certainly enough to drastically improve the lives of myself and my two young children.

I have three step siblings but as I grew up with them from the age of 2.5 none of us have ever referred to or considered eachother stepsiblings.
Our Dad (my stepdad) died about 18 years ago and at the time I vaguely remember it being common knowledge that because I was the stepchild and I was going to inherit from my paternal grandparents one day, anything from my stepdad's will would not include me, as I was kind of catered for already. I believe the same is now also true with regards to my Mum's will.

Although my siblings spent an occasional school holiday with me and my paternal grandparents, and always received birthday presents with money and gifts throughout their childhood from them, they were not mentioned in my late grandmother's will. So whilst they were not especially close to them, they were familiar with them.

As there are no other beneficiaries to the will except myself, I would like to give some of the money to my siblings. But dilemmas keep presenting themselves. I'm also asking advice from a more practical forum, but Mumsnet will provide more direct views.

Basically, I'd like to know how much to give them.

Briefly, my recent background is that I left a DV 8 year relationship a couple of years ago and left their father with my then 4 week old newborn and toddler.

I've had massive financial problems since, inherited debt from our time together where he did not contribute financially, etc etc. I've recently filed for a Debt Relief Order (similar to bankruptcy) as it got to the point where I was evicted for arrears and then couldn't even afford to bus my daughter into school in the next town. The debt isn't huge and this inheritance could finally take away that 5 year long noose from my neck.

My youngest starts school this Autumn, so this money also makes the transition from depending on benefits to finding full time work again much easier.

But as I'm currently still on full benefits until the probate process is completed in several months time, once the benefits agencies are aware, I won't be eligible for housing benefit, income support or council tax benefit, so as I'm not working and it's unlikely I'll find a full time job quickly that can also cover childcare costs, I'm going to have to pay my own rent, living expenses, etc once I have that money, so at around £900 a month or whatever the cost is rent, food, utilities, council tax, etc that inheritance will trickle away very quickly.

The idea of stashing it for my children's future is becoming less feasible if I have to live off it instead until I find work.

So, with that in mind, firstly what amount should I be thinking of giving my siblings, and secondly, do I explain my reasons for that amount (ie that I need to think of my own children first and that they have already inherited from our Dad when I did not)
or not declare the full amount at all?

I want to be able to give the, something of course, I just don't know how much. I'm aware this is such a once in a lifetime blessing. What do you think ? Do I need to declare the amount here or can you figure out a reply without knowing it? It's to enough buy a house, nowhere near,for instance.

Sorry posted too soon (iPhone malarkey).
I was going to add that the returns will be tenfold with the right investment, and both your kids and step siblings will benefit for longer!

Please use some of it to get good legal advice about how best to use this money in the context of your benefits.

Then, use it to benefit you and your children, or just your children, if you don't want to have any of the benefit of it yourself. If you want to make a generous geature towards your sister, you could forgive the debt she owes you. If they care about you the way you care about them, knowing you and your children have this good fortune and will be OK financially in the short term will bring significant joy to them, and you will cause them embarrassment and worry by forcing them to take money from you and your children when you are in need and could use this.

And think of your grandmother- she gave you this money knowing that your stepfather and your mother would not be looking after you but after your siblings when they died. Think how upset she would be knowing that you would also be choosing to look after your siblings rather than after your own children. Please honour her wishes and use the money for your children. Your parents, also, set up their wills in the knowledge that you would be inheriting from your grandmother. That knowledge is the only thing that makes their wills in any way fair- giving your and your children's inheritance away makes their wills monstrous in unfairness and makes them look very bad indeed.

If you are worried that your siblings will be envious rather than happy and relieved for you, tell them your grandmother left you a token amount and the rest to a cats' home.

OP, I would keep quiet. Sort your own finances out. Put some by for your own children into an ISA (my grandad died last year and left a set amount for all of his grandchildren and great grandchildren and we opened ISA's for our boys).

The money was left to you, you sound like lovely, but keep the money.

Do not mention anything about this to your sibs until you've worked out what to do. And then please listen to the above advice and reconsider giving them anything; it may seem like a fortune but it won't go that far, and I'd lay money that you won't get the gratitude or bring the joy that you expect.

In your OP you mention that is has been common knowledge all throughout your life and that of your siblings that you would inherit money from your grandparents and BECAUSE OF THIS you were not included in your sepdad's and your mum's will.

So why do you think your siblings would expect anything from your inheritance now? If they are good family, they will simply be happy for you to find yourself in better position financially after all you have been through.

Your grandma's wishes are clearly stated in her will, she wanted you and ONLY YOU to make use of her assets. I don't think you should go against her wishes.

First of all pay off all your debts, that is your main priority.

Secondly, sort out what you need now to make your life more comfortable, all the things you need replacing and bills that will be coming up like school uniforms.

Thirdly, have a break yourself.

Fourthly, there are tax implications for gifting money also - siblings do not count as close family - so you can gift them £250 per annum each, but that gift cannot exceed £3,000 per tax year for you. However you can gift larger amounts to your children £3,000 per year (into an ISA)

If you have your money today, you can put in £3,000 and £3,000 again later in the week when the tax year rolls over. You can do the same with your personal ISA, £5,000.

Lastly, whilst I appreciate your motives, money makes devils of some people. Would your siblings include you if someone from their blood family died and factor you into the split? Plus, amongst your siblings do you have one who is just that little bit needier than others? One who is always cap in hand?

Never discuss money is my motto.

At the first sniff of inheritance families turn into buzzards. It's important that you protect your own interests first.

If you have filed for a debt relief order there will be conditions on if your circumstances change.

It's a lovely gesture but like I say, your own interests and obligations must take priority.

Do not sweat it at all in relation to your siblings.
You have already explained why.
One of them even borrowed from you when you were in debt and hasn't paid.

Personally, I'd be inclined to give the same amount to the other sibling and write off the debt and that's it.
Do not give or lend any more money!

Save if for you and your children.
You can put some in trust for them, or a savings account for each.

Remember that you may well need it at some point again, should you fall ill or something.
Make sure you invest in good insurance for you.

You should keep it (i agree with not sharing unless you have an agreent with your ss that would eluld all share regardless of the wills) use it to live off then you won't need to claim benefits. That would be very liberating for you and from what it sounds like this has given you the perfect opportunity to be independent and get back on your feet.

I wouldn't give them anything unless you are 100% sure they will share with you... I like the suggestion of writing off the debt your sister owes you and giving the same amount to the other sibling but tbh you and your children come first and that money was meant for you. Don't give it all away without ensuring you're taken care of.

OP, I don't understand this. It is like you are deliberately putting yourself in a bad situation.

You cannot buy love and affection. Your siblings feelings about you will be the same no matter what you do with the money.

You have an obligation to your children, your creditors and the state that comes before any filial affection.

Pay debt, get yourself financially secure, and squirrel the rest away into savings or a house deposit.

The amount of money is significant only if used wisely. It shouldn't be frittered away on holidays when there are genuine needs.

A second hand car is not a luxury by any means. It's a very useful thing to have that can change your life for the better.

I am a step parent and my will does include my steps but they received nothing from my parents and nor should they. I wouldn't mention the will at all nor would I give them anything at all. If your grandmother had wanted to include them she could have done. If they were in need it might be different but they are not and you are. Think of your children. If there is money left after debts are cleared then use it for them.

My condolences on the loss of your grandmother.

My first thought is that you shouldn't even be giving the time of day to the sister who wouldn't even pay you back when you needed the money to pay rent and ended up being evicted.

Your siblings have already been provided for in two other wills . It doesn't sound as though they shared when your stepfather died - why do you feel that you should ?

Remember that the money from your grandmother was intended for you and your children - you want to take money from your children to give to a sibling who saw helped make them homeless ? Your priorities are seriously skewed.

In terms of how the authorities see it - you might well find that all their calculations are based on the full amount you inherit - so they'll still regard you as being in possession of the full amount regardless of how much you've given away.

I would say that your priorities are to pay off debts and get securely housed. Driving lessons and a car are good ideas , especially if this then allows you to get a job. Then you can think about house deposits and your children's future.

If siblings hassle you, tell them that you hope it will be enough money that you can pay off debts and write off debts owed to you by your siblings.

Sounds harsh, but don't give them anything. You've had a hard time financially. Put yourself and DC first, find yourself some work and as said above, then consider your step sibs.

Preserve every penny until you are back to work.
If I were your step sister, it's what I'd be telling you.

I agree with everybody Op - this money has been left to YOU and you need to consider your children's future above all. Your siblings won't be leaving anything to your dcs, I assume they have their own dcs to pass money on to? What you receive now is all your dcs will ever be able to inherit. Do not give away their future out of a misplaced sense of generosity. You can't afford it.

Don't give them anything. Don't say anything. They won't love you any more if you give them the whole bloody lot.

Buy a house. Or put a deposit down on one.

This is a small sought after island - property is a good thing to own.

I wouldn't give them a penny, they didn't run to help you out when you got evicted so why bother, they didn't rush to hand over any of their inheritance to you either so I'd just keep it and sort your own children out for the future since your dying to get it off your hands rather then give it away to siblings who are not entitled to any of it and didn't bother doing the same for you when you needed it.

If you really think it's "only money" then it won't matter if you don't give them anything.
Please secure your own and your children's future as your grandmother intended.

I agree with the others on this thread. It is lovely that you are thinking of others, but you and your children must come first. It sounds like you have had a horrendous time of it recent and have coped without financial support from family, indeed you have been supporting them in one case!

Get some legal advice, once probate is complete then pay off your debts and prioritise stability for you and your children. If there is something left over then why not look into hiring a nice cottage for a weekend for everyone or take them out for a meal? That way, you show that you care but with an experience rather than a 'thing' like cash. If your step siblings are reasonable people they will understand that you have been fortunate enough to put your life back together and have thought of them in some way but it won't lead to fighting over money. If they aren't reasonable people then all you have lost is the cost of a meal/weekend away and your family are still secure.

I don't understand why you've created this quandary. Your grandmother took any uncertainty out of the inheritance by making a will. She made her decision, you should go with that.

I don't know why you are insistent on bending over backwards to make your own life complicated!

This is YOUR money. What your siblings may or may not expect is entirely irrelevant. Do you think these people will be flogging themselves to give you some of their money when the time comes?!

Keep the money and use it for your benefit and for your children. It's what your grandparents wanted!

I think your own family should be your priority right now, do what you've got to do for you. If they are decent people they will understand.