I've inherited some money and don't know how to share it.

[Snowme]

I've inherited a significant amount of money. Not enough to buy a house or anything like that,but certainly enough to drastically improve the lives of myself and my two young children.

I have three step siblings but as I grew up with them from the age of 2.5 none of us have ever referred to or considered eachother stepsiblings.
Our Dad (my stepdad) died about 18 years ago and at the time I vaguely remember it being common knowledge that because I was the stepchild and I was going to inherit from my paternal grandparents one day, anything from my stepdad's will would not include me, as I was kind of catered for already. I believe the same is now also true with regards to my Mum's will.

Although my siblings spent an occasional school holiday with me and my paternal grandparents, and always received birthday presents with money and gifts throughout their childhood from them, they were not mentioned in my late grandmother's will. So whilst they were not especially close to them, they were familiar with them.

As there are no other beneficiaries to the will except myself, I would like to give some of the money to my siblings. But dilemmas keep presenting themselves. I'm also asking advice from a more practical forum, but Mumsnet will provide more direct views.

Basically, I'd like to know how much to give them.

Briefly, my recent background is that I left a DV 8 year relationship a couple of years ago and left their father with my then 4 week old newborn and toddler.

I've had massive financial problems since, inherited debt from our time together where he did not contribute financially, etc etc. I've recently filed for a Debt Relief Order (similar to bankruptcy) as it got to the point where I was evicted for arrears and then couldn't even afford to bus my daughter into school in the next town. The debt isn't huge and this inheritance could finally take away that 5 year long noose from my neck.

My youngest starts school this Autumn, so this money also makes the transition from depending on benefits to finding full time work again much easier.

But as I'm currently still on full benefits until the probate process is completed in several months time, once the benefits agencies are aware, I won't be eligible for housing benefit, income support or council tax benefit, so as I'm not working and it's unlikely I'll find a full time job quickly that can also cover childcare costs, I'm going to have to pay my own rent, living expenses, etc once I have that money, so at around £900 a month or whatever the cost is rent, food, utilities, council tax, etc that inheritance will trickle away very quickly.

The idea of stashing it for my children's future is becoming less feasible if I have to live off it instead until I find work.

So, with that in mind, firstly what amount should I be thinking of giving my siblings, and secondly, do I explain my reasons for that amount (ie that I need to think of my own children first and that they have already inherited from our Dad when I did not)
or not declare the full amount at all?

I want to be able to give the, something of course, I just don't know how much. I'm aware this is such a once in a lifetime blessing. What do you think ? Do I need to declare the amount here or can you figure out a reply without knowing it? It's to enough buy a house, nowhere near,for instance.

[AThingInYourLife]

You aren't rich enough to be giving expensive gifts to your siblings.

Even after the inheritance.

What you are planning to do is irresponsible

[MorrisZapp]

OP, I agree with everybody else but I will go further. I think you know yourself that you should keep all the money. Respectfully, I can't see why else you included details in your OP about your experiences with dv, debt etc.

You wanted us all to tell you to keep it, and we are!

[sarahtigh]

I would not advice on locking money out of your control,

firstly if when inheritance has gone and you perhaps needed benefits again if you have put money in trust for your kids or given to siblings you will be considered to have deprived yourself of assets and therefore will not be eligible

secondly even if you intend using money for your kids keep it in your name as they may not be responsible enough to use it wisely once they reach 18 and there will be nothing you can then do about it

if it is not enough to buy even a small house it is not enough to give away,
you have debts which need clearing, probably should set aside an emergency fund of at least 6 months salary

if it is as much as 50K that would only be a 25% deposit for moderate house but might make owning a house possible in the future

do you have a pension? you can put upto several thousand a year in ISA tax free so use that

at present a 100k saved would give an annuity pension of 4-5k a year

take siblings and your family out for a decent meal that is good, tell no-one how much you got as 100k can seem a lot but over the rest of your life it is only 2000 a year extra which is very nice but it is not enough to need inheritance tax planning if it was that much you could easily buy house

[Selks]

Why not look into shared ownership property, if you would like to get your foot on the housing ladder?

[Lueji]

If you put some of it on savings accounts for your children, you can take the money out at any point yourself before they are 18 (check it).
It's mostly that it's earmarked for them.

If in trust, then you can't. But it doesn't have to be a large amount. It could be just a few thousand pounds,

[hellymelly]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but while I think its important generally to share good fortune (i.e. a lottery win), to share out money that someone has left for you is rather different. Your Grandmother chose not to leave her money to your step-sibs, so to pass on chunks of it which i imagine she wanted for you and your children seems a little bit wrong to me. Shame she didn't leave some to your children directly as that would avoid the benefit problem and allow for their future. I'm not sure if you can now put money in trust for them, perhaps someone has already covered this. I wouldn't tell your siblings the full amount, but say you are delighted to be finally debt free, that you need to be very careful to keep some money in case of future problems but you would also like to treat them all to something, I would think up to £1000 each would be more than generous.
Why are you not all going to be equal in you mother's will? That should be completely fairly split, you will all have different circumstances, but that shouldn't count. I'm a bit shocked that this money could mean that you aren't included in your own mother's will.

[raisah]

Lock away some money in a child ISA. See if you can buy a house via auction which will be much cheaper than buying it on the open market. Don't go on a spending spree before getting good financial advice from an independent advisor and pay off your debts as it will improve your credit rating. Put some money away to buy your step siblings a lovely gift at Christmas, they don't need to know how much you got. It is lovely that you want to treat them but equally you need to look after your kids first.

[LondonNinja]

Actually, yes, why isn't your own mum including you in her will?

It's all very weighted to you getting bugger all apart from your dear grandmother's inheritance. Keep this money. ALL of it!

[lottiegarbanzo]

Oh, I forgot to include the car in my 'practical' post above. Add it into the job-hunting contingency (similar to another six months worth?). Then if you don't need it, it passes down the list, so probably gives you a bigger deposit and may allow the DCs savings.

I know I'm being a bit over-involved here but you said you're not great with figures, whereas I like domestic-scale financial planning and am used to having a longer-term perspective, so I just wanted to give you an illustration of what someone like me would do in your situation.

Btw, the treat for your siblings comes in the 'holiday if you can afford it' line.

Once you start looking at mortgages and see the difference between your payments with a 5, 10 and 20% deposit, you'll see the sense of making that deposit as big as possible. You'll save money each month as a result, so that you then have something left at the end of the month to treat a sibling to lunch now and then, if you want.

I completely agree with the poster who asked which pot you think the gift should come out of; your car fund? Your house deposit? Your DCs savings (which can otherwise accumulate tax free interest for many years, gaining considerable value)?

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I agree with that, London.

I really would keep it and not disclose the amount to anyone. Pass it off as a small amount.

I really don't think the OP will be on the receiving end of such thoughtfulness and it has the potential to really screw things up for her. At the end of the day, she's got to look after her children first.

If it was millions, then chucking it in all directions would be great.

but a few thousand is not as much in reality as it seems on paper.

[TanteRose]

MorrisZapp totally agree!

OP, you wanted validation to keep the money, and now you have it

[Tenacity]

Rereading your OP, I think you are very vulnerable to financial exploitation, and probably exploitation in general.
Your Ex left you with a lot of debt, and then you also talk about your sister borrowing money from you when you couldn't afford it. Why did you lend her money you could not afford??? Why jeopordise your future, and your children's future in such a way?? I also imagine other people have borrowed money, and not returned it? Perhaps by thinking about this, it will help you reflect on your actions.
As others have suggested please get some counselling. You remain vulnerable to others exploiting you.

[StuntGirl]

"Rereading your OP, I think you are very vulnerable to financial exploitation."

I agree tenacity.

[Viviennemary]

You should think carefully about giving this money away if you intend to continue claiming benefits after you get the money. It could be seen as deprivation of capital if you are on means tested benefits. I think you should get your own finances in order first and then worry about how much to give to who. Sometimes when people get a large sum of money it seems like a fortune but they realise bills still have to be paid and so on. I would wait a year before doing anything.

[mumofweeboys]

If it were me I would pay off my debts, put a large deposit down on a house say with 10 year fixed mortgage - got to be cheaper than rent, put aside money to get a one year old car - so it will last.

If you are wanting to treat family I would pay for weekend away or perhaps cheapie all inclusive abroad for a week or even a nice evening out depending on whats left. I wouldnt be handing over wads cash esp you will need the money to live on or perhaps pay for uni for your kids ect.

[thezebrawearspurple]

Please don't give these people a penny, they didn't care to help you when they got theirs, they didn't care to help you when you really needed help and I bet they've earned more money over the last few years while you were financially crushed than you've inherited. Keep the money to build a good life for yourself and your kids, don't waste a penny of it on them.

Don't foolishly throw this chance of a better life for you and your kids away on trying to buy love from people who don't have any for you. It will just result in your family thrown back into poverty while your step siblings continue to not give a shit.

Your children do love you, why take from them to give to those who don't?

[digerd]

Her DM has not inherited anything from her parents, OP did. I assume she brought little or nothing into the marriage, and her DH has already had his inheritance from his parents. His children have already inherited his share, and the rest op's DM inherited, to be given to the step siblings when she dies.

[ILoveFrogs]

I personally wouldn't give them anything, get your self sorted, start building a secure future for you and your dcs. If you really feel you have to give them something then I'd go for £500 each, considering it is over £16000 you have. I'd be over the moon if someone handed me £500 for nothing. No explanation needed, and certainly don't tell them how much you have.

[morethanpotatoprints]

It was given to you and if I read right your step siblings have already received their inheritance. Why would you want to give it away?

Ok if this was me, not telling how I know either.
Give the money to your dc in trust equal share, or buy a house in another cheaper area and rent it out. You have an income then but take off the expenses and your gain will be less, as this is classed as income you should get UC.

[clippityclop]

If your grandmother wanted them to have a share she would have left them some. There's some great advice here, take it, put your own children first please, invest in the future, go on a training course or something but don' feel guilty about the others Good luck in everything you do.

[formicaqueen]

What about buying an experience for them all? A huge UK cottage during the summer and a memorable week spent together - children included?

[formicaqueen]

Otherwise don't give them anything. Just a bigger Xmas gift next year as a one off?

[formicaqueen]

But actually can you use it as a deposit on a small tiny flat to let to buy? Not sure if this is possible but it might be better to invest after paying off debts

[ModernToss]

I agree with those who suggest that you tell your mum to pass on the (relative) smallness of the sum, otherwise they will indeed think you inherited a large chunk of London. It is clear that at least one of your step siblings wouldn't think twice about exploiting you for as much as possible.

I would then give them all a particularly nice gift next Christmas, and leave it at that.

It's your money; they have had (and will get) their inheritances. You won't have another windfall like this; preserve it, and get the most out of it for you and your kids.