selecting only certain children at wedding.

[frangipan]

how badly is this received? It comes down to money at the end of the day so decided to cut costs by not inviting any children, except bride and grooms child, grooms brothers child and brides sisters child. Thing is there are lots of younger cousins on brides side but only 3 younger cousins on grooms side.

So this basically means one grooms aunt/uncle will not be able to bring their children on grooms side as all other cousins are adults or invited child.

Aunt with the small children was asked to do the cake, she said she would do it as a gift (normally would cost £250-£300, v lucky) to save money. But we hadn't mentioned the no children bit. Invites are about to go out. How bad is this going to get?
(Places hard hat on)

I think it all boils down to this,if you're going to offend anyone...don't let it be the woman who is gracious/kindhearted enough to provide you with a 300 quid cake.

Whatever the cost I would swallow it rather than cause upset. Or if I couldn't afford to, I would limit the guest list in other ways (which is what we actually did - we said no cousins on either side, as we simply couldn't afford to invite everyone).

I hope the hard hat matches the OP's wedding dress.

It's pretty likely the OP has already booked and paid a deposit, so changing venue probably won't work.

Agree the venue will not let OP bring packed lunches for kids. OP, have you checked the cost of children's meals?

BTW, what does your fiancé think you should do - decline the cake and stick to no kids, accept the cake and invite just aunt's kids or invite all kids and accept extra cost (which you may be able to reduce if there are children's meals)? It seems that without the cake complication, you'd be happy to maintain the no kids thing - you can get wedding cakes via M&S and Waitrose and put flowers from your florist on top, this saves a fair bit.

I think you should look into the kids menu idea, at my uncles wedding there was a kids menu (chicken and chips type thing) and cheap goody bags (colouring in books from pound shop etc) and there were no problems.

You have I invite cake aunts kids, she is making you such a generous gift. Don't invite other cousins (adult or otherwise) and if anyone gets the hump explain that aunts children are invited because they are making the cake.

Childrens' entertainer, nannies [buhmm]

The OP is trying to avoid increasing costs.

OP are there roughly equal numbers coming from each side? If so then split the family invites 50/50 (ish) and you invite those you want and he invites those he wants. If he happens to include three children from his side of the family then that's his choice. After all it is his wedding too [buwink]

I agree with celebmum about the packed lunches.

We did this for my brother's wedding.

I made up some packs in brown paper bags with sandwiches, little fruit purées, biscuits and raisins, as well as bubbles to blow.

The DC were happy not to have to sit down for a meal, and we were happy not to have to supervise them and could enjoy our meal.

Cost, about £20 from Tesco all in.

Go and TALK to the cake--making aunt.

Don't talk to us. Talk to her.

Just wanted to add that when DF married DSM, they stipulated that we could only bring 2 of our 4 DSs. We struggled with that, but worked out a fair way of deciding which 2. Fast forward to the day and all 3 of my brother's DDs were there!!! Similar ages, by the way. Never been able to work that one out, other than putting it down to bare favouritism. So, I guess I'm saying, do explain to parents your rationale for inviting/not inviting DCs.

Why should your family even know who is and isn't invited from the grooms family? Yes I understand about it being 1 rule for all but this is different in that the aunt is making your wedding cake. Would your family not understand that? Especially as there are so many more younger children on your side than your DFs.

Personally I would invite the aunts children, stick to the no children except yours in niece/nephews on your side and if anyone complains tell them that that aunt made you the lovely gift of the cake so you had to invite her children.

I hate this where someone always gets offended at something that someone does or doesn't do at a wedding. I haven't discovered, through my own wedding and other familys that no matter what you do, someone somewhere will be offended by something so just do what you feel is right and that you want to do (but this does include inviting the aunts children).

I sincerely hope that if when the aunt's children are invited to the wedding they are going to send all those of us cheerleading for them a piece of cake!

I think you have to invite all the cousins or none of them. It's probably too late for that now but we knew we wanted to invite all our cousins plus any partners and children so we had our reception in a village hall and used caterers who charged £10 a head.

I would invite everyone and cut back on flowers, bridemaids or alcohol or people that you havent seen for ages.

Invite the cake making aunt's children.

It would be incredibly rude not to.
If people complain explain the situation, quite simple.

I dont see why there needs to be the exact level of family members on each side at the wedding... I think it's perfectly fine to invite aunts children (with or without the cake issue) & not invite additional people on the brides side...

everyone doesn't have the same relationship with each "level" of people in there family. for instance at my wedding I invited aunties and uncles (because I'm close to them) but DH didn't invite any auties or uncles because he isn't that close to them. I invited 1 of my cousins but not the other 15 because I see that one cousin a lot. I didn't notice anyone going round with a clip board making sure that the exact number from each side of the family had been invited.

what I'm saying is that I dont think anyone on the brides side should complain because the aunt uncle & kids have been invited because you can simply say, a) there are less relatives on the grooms side in the first place b) the aunt has been very kind and made a cake c) we want them there so hush up & find something else to whinge about.

people will always find something to be put out over at a wedding anyway but I urge you to invite the aunts children

Why are you spending £60 per head?

It is your wedding far enough, but PLEASE Be CONSISTANT!

My best friend, not poor, stated that I couldn't bring my 2 small dcs to her wedding as no children allowed, far enough. It wasn't due to financial reasons more the fact that they don't like kids, plus the fact that her dh doesn't see his own kids due to animosity through divorce. Again fair dos each to their own etc.

Anyway when we got their her young neice was there. To say I was pissed off is an understatement.

I did mention it to her in passing and she said that they had to invite her, as her brother would have fallen out with her otherwise and so would her mum and dad.

Later that year she holds an adults only bbq-midday. After checking again the no kids rule we arrange to go, much fuss telling the kids why they cannot come with us to see "auntie and uncle x" (btw they are my dd1s Godparents).
Get there and same neice and now her dsis baby are there.

I was gobsmacked and pissed off. Dh said I should have it out with her as totally not bloody on.

Anyway she tries this again and I told her straight that no we won't be leaving our dcs, especially since other people's dcs always seem to be invited.

Sorry for post highjack.

Oh and you are very rude regarding the cake baking auntie.

Just to clarify another good friend had a no kids rule. She told me face to face and said that she was sorry and really didn't want to offend me.

Totally fine as there were no kids at all at the wedding. Kids were allowed to the night do though, if we wanted to bring them.

We had my cousins at out wedding through the day, and DHs were only invited at night. Mainly because DHs family outnumber mine about 3-1 and I am close with my cousins where as dh only saw his at funerals or weddings. Just because cousins are invited on one side done st mean you need to invite the other side.

I don't envy your decision but FWIW my Aunt made my beautiful wedding dress free of charge I wouldn't have dreamed of not inviting her 4 children. Also I presented her with a huge bouquet during speeches.

I would invite everyone and cut back on flowers, bridemaids or alcohol or people that you havent seen for ages.

What if one side of cousins are the "people you haven't seen for ages"?

Simple, close family children are often invited when friend's children aren't. Your BF could have been clearer with you though.

Eostre's idea is good.

THeDoc- I think that is it. She told me they didn't want any kids at the wedding or at the bbqs, when in fact it is only certain people's children who are allowed.

I can't see how you'll get anything but grief if you start being selective about which children are invited. But your aunt, in particular, will be righteously very cross if she's considered good enough to bake you an expensive cake while her children are not deemed worthy of attending the wedding.

However, if the cost of all the children is too much to accommodate then I really think you have to be clear and consistent about how you apply your restrictions. People can cope with child-free weddings but they do get distinctly pissed off when they discover that the event is only child free for some favoured guests.

Pande, what if OP said there were 20 invites for bride's family and 20 for groom's, say? Then it could be fair.

I think it'd be a fairer way of doing things, yes Doctrine. That way you don't select guests on the basis that one side of the family has more children than the other.