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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 31/03/2013 23:05

I knew what you meant fluff, because looking in from the outside of the OPs situation I feel a pull for her DD too, but I know things can get a bit out of hand for lots of reasons (like the way you were treated when you were a child etc).

It's not the best reply from the OP though, which suggests she's still very angry about it.

yaimee · 31/03/2013 23:05

It's pretty rare that you cone across 4 pages of unanimous yabu on mumsnet.
Take it on board op.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 31/03/2013 23:06

we have all overreacted at times, and i still do. but at least i have the good grace to hold my hands up and say ok i was a cock but i know how to deal with it better and make things right. from the tone of your message you arent going to

KansasCityOctopus · 31/03/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ra88 · 31/03/2013 23:06

She is 4 FFS!

vivizone · 31/03/2013 23:06

Will you apologies to your daughter tomorrow? she must be feeling so sad.

macdoodle · 31/03/2013 23:06

Its the frothing 4 hours later that got me.
I must admit to being a shouty mummy :( but usually regret it very quickly

Mumsyblouse · 31/03/2013 23:07

My food and treats were very rationed as a child, it hasn't made me more sensible with chocolate or sweets, I just stuff them in now (that fear they will go away/disappear/be eaten by someone else). I agree with everyone that children should be able to manage their own Easter egg hoard by 4 (or at least have a couple of eggs to scoff). You tried to control her, and she just couldn't.

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:08

Yes, I can have taken the positive, supportive, constructive suggestions on board-although slightly hard to find among the dogpiling. "Tomorrow is a new day".

Hard not to go on the attack yourself, when you yourself have been attacked on the basis of one post-"abusive" "controlling" "scapegoating one child". If you're going to say something like that, then you should be able to justify it.

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 31/03/2013 23:08

Oh, I'm with Agent ZigZag here - agree with all her posts. God knows, I've gone 'batshit crazy' over stuff that I shouldn't have before now. But usually I regret it once they're in bed and I've got the distance I need to gain some perspective.

Please don't take all her eggs away and confiscate the Ipad, you will turn a moment of madness on her part into a long, long running source of upset and friction for both of you. I think she needs to give her sister some of her own eggs to compensate for eating those that weren't hers but otherwise she's been punished enough I reckon. And yes, hide the rest of the eggs. 4 year olds have very poor impulse control - as you have discovered!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 31/03/2013 23:10

I think you need to listen OP, I know it is hard to take a flaming but you did ask.

Tomorrow is a whole new day!

Graceparkhill · 31/03/2013 23:10

Can you inherit bad teeth?

vivizone · 31/03/2013 23:10

Also giving your child a bath at night is not a treat. It's not fair to send her to bed withholding a bath as punishment.

I hope you can have a talk with her tomorrow and spend the whole day cuddling.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 31/03/2013 23:11

X-posted with you OP!

KansasCityOctopus · 31/03/2013 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piprabbit · 31/03/2013 23:11

On a positive note, I would recommend that you take a moment to download and read this leaflet on "Keeping your cool".

Seriously.

pollyblue · 31/03/2013 23:11

I've got 4 yo twins - one of whom is a bit of a handful at times - but i've never carried a punishment over to the next day.

Tell them off, withdraw a treat/bedtime story or whathaveyou/ask them to say sorry then that's it. Bed, kiss, cuddle as usual. It's not worth the upset to drag things out when they're so small, especially for something like this - it's not like she deliberately electrocuted the goldfish......

Lucyellensmum95 · 31/03/2013 23:12

Yes - you are right, tomorrow is a new day - I would start it with an apology for your daughter - poor little mite going to bed in tears :( They say never sleep on an argument.

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:12

Oh my days. YES, you can inherit bad teeth. No wonder British teeth is the joke of the world.

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 31/03/2013 23:12

Sheesh, unreal. Poor kid. Yabu in so many ways but mainly in making your 4 year old child feel as if she has comitted the crime of the century by sneaking down and eating some easter eggs when you had so generously given her a creme egg. Apologise to her in the morning for your ridiculously ott behaviour, I bloody well would

Mumsyblouse · 31/03/2013 23:12

By the way, if you are concerned about her teeth, the best thing would have been to let her stuff her face today, then wait a while, then clean the teeth, then hide the rest for a repeat a bit later. Eating small amounts over a longer period would cover the teeth with sugar for longer.

That's what our dentist tells us, anyway!

My brother stole my prize easter egg from school and hid the bits down the sofa. He turned out ok. Go easy on a four year old who was eating her own eggs anyway

Flojobunny · 31/03/2013 23:13

OP, I was beginning to feel sorry for you when everyone was telling you YABU and was trying to think of a positive in the situation but after your last post its clear you want to focus on the negative, and still angry, and spoiling for a fight.
I guess 4 yo's aren't very good at arguing, you got bored of "NO" so sent her to bed and came here to row instead.

LAlady · 31/03/2013 23:13

She's 4. It's Easter Sunday Hmm

macdoodle · 31/03/2013 23:13

Seriously, you're going to make this about teeth? Confused

pollyblue · 31/03/2013 23:14

Grace yes i think weak enamel, and therefore a tendencies to cavities/wear and tear despite good dental hygiene, can be inherited