AIBU to throttle DD???!!

[matchpoint]

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up.

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

[midastouch]

Have you got something going on thats caused you to be so angry about such a trivial thing really, to be fuming and still so long after?
I think you also need to remember that at 4 your DD will quite possilby remember crying herself to sleep for eating easter eggs. My dad wasnt the most pleasant of people putting it mildly although we did have nice times all i can remember is the times he shouted smacked etc....

[HallelujahHeisRisen]

what do you expect from a four year old left unattended with chocolate? they are not known for their impulse control.

your punishment was far too harsh. explaining why taking someone else's egg is not right and swapping two of her whole eggs for eaten ones, plus four minutes of time out would have been enough for a four year old. leaving her to cry in bed was horrible.

[AgentZigzag]

Most, if not all, parents have reacted in an OTT way in relation to the 'crime' at some point.

But usually, when they're in bed asleep and you've had time to cool down, you realise the mistake you've made and redouble your efforts to keep calm and in control, resolving to try and tackle it more effectively the next time.

But you're still rabid after four hours.

Did your parents come down on you like a ton of bricks for similar things matchpoint?

Because it's really not good to be so angry at a small child that you want to crush them.

Would you still feel that anger if you went and looked at her while she was asleep? I know when I've had a bad day with mine, seeing them so angelic and sleeping peacefully can reset things so you can start afresh the next day.

[MrsSham]

There are eggs all over my house, my dd has eaten far less than me, she had a pack of starburst and 2 ricecrispie cakes. Although she is slightly older, I do think a gorge on Easter, if sweets are left u regulated is totally forgivable.

I agree way too much given these days. I asked a friend today not to give my dd an egg as she has too much and I hadn't bought for her kids. I felt mean but at the same time, but I do t want to get into the habit of buying eggs for friends.

[Bridgetbidet]

God I think it's sad. This one and the one yesterday where the little boy nicked some crisps and was dipping his beans in his drinks.

I just think it's horrible where you come across children being labelled sly, sneaky, greedy and other nasty labels because they've misbehaved. They've done something naughty, it's not something intrinsically bad in their personality. I wonder how these children are going to grow up viewing themselves, it's very sad.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

Me too Norks and I hope she isn't treating one child as the golden one and the other as the scapegoat/ always naughty. Sounds like she's labelled them to me and they will pick up on it as they get older.

I'd also be learning how to lie better to my Mum, if she reacted like that from now on.

One creme egg only on Easter Sunday? Seriously?

My son is 4 and I would have done an immediate punishment only but I wouldn't still sound this angry hours later. That seems bizarre to me. She's a child.

Please do not extend the punishments into tomorrow, especially if she cried herself to sleep Forgive her and let her feel hugged, loved and accepted. Especially if she is sorry and has said sorry to you. Move on from this, do not make her have to re-live it for days to come or mention it again. Let it go.

[Stepissue]

Agent - that's a very good point. Would take a hard heart not to melt and do some reflecting after watching them sleep

[whattodoo]

I remember doing something similar when I was a couple of years older than your DD.

I also remember that my SM reacted similarly to the way you have.

Her words still sting me now.

[MartinScorsassy]

Calling your 4 year old a sneaky, greedy liar.

[sweetmelissa]

I can sympathise with you somewhat, OP. I remember a very similiar incident when my son was a child...I remember the chocolate all around his face and the how he insisted it wasn't him that had eaten all his brother's eggs. I was so angry too....and shouted a loud "get to your room now!" A few minutes later my DH and I were laughing about it, though we were sure not to let him see that when 5 minutes later we let him come downstairs again.

Going off topic a little but that very son, now an adult, has been through such terrible times and suffered a great deal in life...how silly that I once made such a big deal over a bit of chocolate. Though it's nice to know 'chocolategate' is one of those incidents we now remember (with him) and laugh about.

It's a bit upsetting to hear that 4 hours later you are still angry though. But I hope by now you feel calmer and your little girl is all forgiven.

Oh, just realised she is 4???!!!! A bit harsh do you think???

[marriedinwhiteagain]

She ate a bit of five eggs. Of course she did. And you lot have all so far been Unreasonable because none of you have commented on the fact that all the eggs were covered in shiny, shimmery, beautiful different coloured paper. The sort of paper that is absolutely irresistible to four year old girls. I bet she hardly ate any of the bloody chocolate.

Why on earth didn't you hide the eggs in the garden, round the house and turn the day into a fun time with a choccy fest. They would have eaten what they wanted, had loads of fun and the eggs would lie forgotten in the kitchen. We used to pile ours in the fruit bowl and they stayed there for weeks.

I hope you are OK OP and I hope you and dd have a better day tomorrow and that you mete out no more punishments.

[MrsSham]

That's a lovely suggestion agent, I tend to do the same if I've been feeling the slightest frustrated with dd, just that peacefulness of sleep can either trigger the guilt needed to start a fresh or realisation at how innocent an dependent youre small child is.

[littlemisssarcastic]

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week.

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.


OP, In all honesty, Is your 4 year old afraid of you? This sounds absolutely terrifying for a 4 year old imo, and she hasn't yet realised that you plan to keep up this war against her all week by refusing her the use of the ipad and throwing all of her easter eggs away.

It doesn't sound like Easter is a time for much celebrating in your house.

I don't much think it matters whether you throw her easter eggs away now anyway. Your DD probably wont enjoy them anymore anyway.

What a horrible horrible ending to a day that should be filled with happiness. And all over a few bites of chocolate.

I think it is ironic that you expect a level of self control in your 4 year old that you cannot even achieve yourself.

[fluffypillow]

Poor little girl I feel really sad for her.

YOU were completely unreasonable, and unkind.

I can't believe you only let her have one creme egg on Easter Sunday, when she knew she had all those eggs given to her............way too harsh.

I think you owe her a big cuddle in the morning, and ffs let her have her eggs back. You can limit them to so much at a time, but they are hers, and she made a mistake.................she's FOUR!!!!!!!!

Sending a little one to bed crying without a story etc..... after going 'batshit crazy' at her is so wrong.

You don't sound like a very nice Mummy at all

[piprabbit]

I think it is ironic that you expect a level of self control in your 4 year old that you cannot even achieve yourself.

this

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

I think YANBU actually - OH made a good suggestion which is take the eggs away for a week. That way shes not having stuff taken from her but she can appreciate that actions have consequences.

I think a lot of people on here are being very soft. She's 4 - old enough to know better. She still stole, lied and was greedy - the punishment should be explained to her calmly though. Shouting is rarely the answer.

[theQuibbler]

Yes you are being unreasonable. What an unpleasant way to talk about a 4 yr old, or any child really. Your punishment is inappropriate to the 'crime', and whilst we all lose it as parents sometimes - it really is best to realise that is not the best way to behave and try to do better.

As I have read on mumsnet - the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. I doubt you want her to think of herself as a sneaky, greedy liar. And if you do? Well, you shouldn't.

[BsshBossh]

YABU. You definitely overreacted. Why did you limit her to a single creme egg? No wonder she hunted them down. You should have hid them better. Looks like you've blamed her for getting too many Easter Eggs. Poor little girl!

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

Note: If she was 2/3 it would be different...

[MrsSham]

But theseventh would an apology and return of the eggs to who ever they belonged to from the dds own not be enough. It really is not punishable once the child has been berated to such an extent.

I dont disagree a reasoned and measured response, If the parent feels that is justified, i personally wouldn't punish, but can see acceptable if others chose to, but to treat a four year old like that is always UR.

[HumphreyCobbler]

it is the level of anger displayed by the OP that is particularly upsetting

TheSeventhHorcrux, the OP suggested taking the eggs away for good, not just for a week.

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

I do see why you punished her, its frustrating to be lied to constantly when you know whats gone on trust me with 3 dc i know. but you sound like you totally flipped out on an over excited 4 year old. and anyone who titles their post to throttle their 4 year old is going to get told their UR i think. horrible turn of phrase and unnecessary