AIBU to throttle DD???!!

[matchpoint]

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up.

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

[LemonPeculiarJones]

So have you taken the constructive posts on board, OP? Because those posts all reflected how OTT you'd been, too.

Don't get hung up on trying to chisel out the most attacking posts on here, because it really does make you seem like you're just trying to dodge the real issue.

Which is you were too harsh with your little daughter. Tomorrow is a new day, but only if you can admit that you were wrong.

[MrsSham]

I can understand that OP, but I think you would have done your self justice in commenting on these. I too think many comments where harsh but some of us attempted to give you some suggestions to move forward and they seem to have fallen on deaf ears, I'm glad you see tomorrow as a new day, I do hope if your anger and control is a general problem you do get support with it. If its not then yes we do all over react at times but we need to resolve it. Good luck OP.

[piprabbit]

And if you are still cross about the lying, this video clip might help you put your child's fibbing into some perspective.

I really hope you take the time to look.

[matchpoint]

To clarify: helpful suggestions have been taken on board.

[ProcessYellowC]

Why are you still so angry?

[AgentZigzag]

It is difficult to hear things you either don't want to hear or know aren't true.

But this isn't about you OP, or what other posters think about you, it's about not (and I don't mean this in a dramatic way) fucking your DD up so she'll loathe herself as a sneaky, greedy liar when she's older, because that's what you've taught her she is.

The long term effect a parents behaviour can have on a child usually keeps a good check on the parent keeping things in perspective, most have one eye on the future and try to predict what effect their influence will have.

Trying to teach them the important shit without humiliating, demeaning or crushing them in the process is bloody tricky, and you can't know whether you've done it until it's too late, which is why it's best to err on the side of caution.

[gostraighttojail]

YABVVVU

And the title of your thread is disgraceful.

[SirBoobAlot]

She's FOUR. Don't be such an idiot. You shouldn't have left the chocolate in eyesight.

Banning her from the ipad for a week is bloody ridiculous. You sent her to bed crying, with no story - punishment enough for a four year old. Way too harsh in my books anyway.

[MajaBiene]

Look OP, she's a very little girl who got overexcited about her Easter eggs, which she wasn't allowed to have - the temptation was too much and she did something naughty. She was frightened about your reaction and so she compounded the naughtiness by lying. All not good.

If she was mine she would have got a telling off and had to help clear up the mess. Maybe I would have taken away the rest of the eggs if I didn't approve of chocolate anyway.

The punishment certainly wouldn't have been ongoing, and wouldn't have involved a child sobbing for ages until they fell asleep. Never go to bed on bad terms.

You over-reacted. In the morning reassure her that you love her, and drop the whole thing.

[sweetmelissa]

I think I'd rather have bad teeth than be throttled!

[AgentZigzag]

The OP posting is a good thing isn't it?

She was asking whether this was reasonable, if she didn't have an inkling it might have been then she wouldn't have asked.

[LineRunner]

I really think the most unusual thing here is to still be frothing after four hours. And to use that thread title after four hours. I appreciate that you suspect this is not reasonable.

[sweetmelissa]

Yes, they had one creme egg today. I am very strict with both my DDs sugar intake, as they have inherited their father's shit teeth. Maybe this is "mean and stingy", but I want to reduce the risk of decay as much as I can.

Seriously, isn't having a little sugar more often far MORE damaging to teeth than a lot altogether followed by a good brushing. At least that is what a dentist told me. I think your DD read the dentist's manual and has it right!!

[AgentZigzag]

Wanting to throttle someone is a pretty minor and often used term where I hark from.

Usually used in a light-hearted way with a twinkle in your eye or a

[Mumsyblouse]

And, little children do lie. It's a process of learning to be truthful- which is usually encouraged by praise for being truthful, not terror/fear of getting into worse trouble. My seven year old now knows not to lie even if she is in trouble, but at 4 she told whoppers all the time (indeed her fantasy life was such that it was hard to know what was real and what wasn't at this age). But it does come right though.

[Floggingmolly]

Your whole op hinges on the fact that she knew they weren't hers to eat!.
She stole her sister's eggs!!
Can't you see the irony, op? They're not yours either, yet you're planning to scoff them yourself, to save your children's teeth... It's once a year, their teeth will not rot if they have chocolate on Easter Sunday.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

I said 'I hoped you weren't.'

I was the scapegoat growing up and was always being shouted at. After reading about your massive over reaction, it reminded me of my Father quite frankly.

Off to bed, I hope you took the constructive stuff on board, you still sound angry to me and I truly hope your DD feels loved tomorrow.

[littlemisssarcastic]

Erosion of tooth enamel is far far easier to fix than erosion of self esteem, self image and self confidence.

Your children may grow up to have beautiful teeth, but if all they see when they look at their own reflections are greedy selfish liars, then their teeth will be the least of their problems, regardless of how rotten their teeth may turn out to be.

I can't believe you care more for their teeth than you do about their self image.

[jjazz]

I agree with previous posters- you are way over the top. First Easter she gets to be really involved in. I am another one "normally advocating more 70's parenting and less of this liberal childcentric shit big style" but you have massively over reacted here.
Guessing you like an over the top- clean tidy kitchen uncluttered with shiny packaging tempting YOU to eat too much chocolate. Sounds like me 10 yrs ago - one divorce later and I am not like this any more but do see it in others occasionaliy.
Sent to bed in tears and shouted at- especially for lying is more than enough punishing.
Do you have favouritism issues with your 2 daughters btw- reads like you do...
Oh and if she is 4 does she really need an ipod..?

[AgentZigzag]

Sadly, a very good and perceptive post LMS.

[Lucyellensmum95]

"Erosion of tooth enamel is far far easier to fix than erosion of self esteem, self image and self confidence. "

^^ that

[MsMarple]

It does seem twisted to be mad at her for 'stealing' eggs, when you have stolen hers. Imagine how you'd feel if, say, your husband confiscated a box of chocolates from you, condescended to let you eat one, then put them on a shelf where you could see them but told you not to eat them as he was going to decide when you could have another, and then eat the rest himself?? I totally understand where your DD is coming from!

If you want to protect her teeth next year, why not tell people in advance that you don't want DCs to have sugar so people can buy them something else instead if they want to? DS has some chocolate, but also tshirts, stickers, little toys and magazines which he loves. I'm happy, he's happy, rellies happy too.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Okay, I'll take on board that your 4yo took five eggs , two of which she knew did not belong to her. Are you sure she knew they weren't hers? If they were all in the cupboard or wherever?

But what I noted about your post was that you were planning to dish them out (fine) or eat them yourself.
So in effect you are going to steal your child's eggs.

The thing that you've been lambasting her about . But I don't suppose you'll leave a mess , so that's okay, huh?

When my DS was about 7 he managed to pinch some After Eights from the top cupboard (very athletic child)

I knew he had taken them. I hadn't. DH doesn't eat chocolate. DD was too little.
He denied it.
I found wrappers in his room that he didn't hide.
I told him I was more cross about the lying than the stealing.

He has never repeated it. He knew I was disapointed in him.
I can leave sweets and cakes, he'll ask but he knows what he's allowed.He doesn't steal.

It's Easter Sunday. The build up to today. The chocolate on display for weeks.
One scabby cremeegg.

[Bluelightsandsirens]

I think you over reacted and I have a just turned 5 year old who has eaten what she considers a mountain of chocolate but in truth a cadburys bar today.

I would feel very guilty if she had cried herself to sleep instead if a nice cuddly bedtime story.