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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dialogue on here to be civil and diplomatic most of the time?

248 replies

cupcakemumma · 31/03/2013 20:30

Feeling so sick and tired of many threads on this amazing site being poisoned by unkind responses. There is one thing being direct and all, but seriously, I cannot imagine that the tone used by some MN posters would be used outside outside of this place in the wider world and welcomed. Some people seem to enjoy getting a kick out of speaking to others in an over the top spikey way on here, generating responses picking people's words to pieces like amateur lawyers.

What do you all think, or is it just me? Can't we all just get along and support one another and enjoy each other's company in diplomatic way? What is the point of being on here if time isn't spent being pleasant?

[buconfused]

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/03/2013 22:27

Goady Fucker

echt · 31/03/2013 22:28

GF = goady fucker. I think.

echt · 31/03/2013 22:28

X post.

OhDearieDearieMe · 31/03/2013 22:29

Sorry to ruin your night Madame but no - I think perhaps not on this occasion.
I'm sure your motives for asking are entirely non-goady though Smile

Pagwatch · 31/03/2013 22:30

Good. Because I think mnhq do like to spot persistent offenders.
And I think sometimes pile ins start and if one person challenges it can change the tone of the thread.

Stepissue · 31/03/2013 22:33

spot on OP and Crashdoll.

MadameDefarge · 31/03/2013 22:34

good dearie. im glad you dont propose to trot out anymore pouncer cliches for us. so dull.

Original poster
cupcakemumma · 31/03/2013 22:34

Babyheave, absolutely on the reporting and challenging front. Your advice on the ignoring front is a very sound suggestion. it is so incredibly hard though! very tough to bite your tongue when you come across some horrible vindictive replies.

OP posts:
Stepissue · 31/03/2013 22:35

Is 'GF' the new way of closing debate instead of 'po'?? Confused Seems very similar tactic.

christinarossetti · 31/03/2013 22:37

That's interesting, as I tend to challenge rather than report but will do both in future. I agree about the odiousness of the 'I feel sorry for your children' posters and can only conclude that these posters have deeply rooted ishoooos that they are acting out by hurling abuse at random strangers on the internet.

I don't have a problem with people speaking directly, it's the jumping to the 'why did you marry him them?' type of responses followed by scorn and more people piling in to bully if the OP says that they don't find this helpful that I find distasteful.

MadameDefarge · 31/03/2013 22:38

dont know step. i do know that i for one resent posters that say their particular brand of outspokenness is the norm for mn and that if another poster disagrees they should leave mn.

Stepissue · 31/03/2013 22:41

Good point Madame - 'if you don't like it you can fuck off/join nethuns/get a life' etc etc Hmm Their way or the high way.

Maybe they're actually Justine in disguise?! Hmm Grin

Original poster
cupcakemumma · 31/03/2013 22:42

Absolutely Madame, we are all members, it's so wrong for anyone to say someone should leave if they can't tolerate rude behaviour on here.

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 31/03/2013 22:44

It isn't just rudeness, though, is it? It's spite, bullying, ganging up and sheer nastiness sometimes.

BeerTricksPotter · 31/03/2013 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cupcakemumma · 31/03/2013 22:47

Christina you've hit the nail on the head, spite is a far better descriptive.

OP posts:
Ditzydit · 31/03/2013 22:48

Reporting is a bit grassy though isn't it greencolorpack but I suppose you have time to do it.

usualsuspect · 31/03/2013 22:50

Challenge it on the thread.I often jump in if I see a pile in.

Stepissue · 31/03/2013 22:51

Excellent example there, thank you Ditzy Grin

And 'grassy'? Are you very young?

christinarossetti · 31/03/2013 22:54

There are two points here.... firstly, that someone who is feeling vulnerable may not feel up to challenge multiple people piling in to say 'I feel sorry for your children' followed by 'you're in denial' if they suggest that these responses aren't helpful. Equally difficult to ignore.

Secondly, why should people have to? Why is being treated with a bit of respect such a big ask (and no doubt one worthy of much derision once I press the 'post' button).

Abitlikechicken · 31/03/2013 22:54

YANBU. I recently read a rather curt remark, to which the OP asked if she meant to be so rude, to which the poster replied that yes, she had. Why outwardly and openly try an offend people?

BeerTricksPotter · 31/03/2013 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greencolorpack · 31/03/2013 23:01

Ditzy I think "report and ignore" is usually the best response. You try engaging with people when you are the minority and the other side is a hostile dog pile, you know what that makes you? A troll. So what choice do you have? Retreat, silence... And the bullies win. So you are either a troll or you're silenced. Not much fun being in the minority.

Being a grass? What does it matter really. If these people hate you anyway you might as well report them it's not like they are suddenly going to change heart and respect you.

MadameDefarge · 31/03/2013 23:02

its not necessarily chivalry thats wanted...just not a full on bitch slapping for an op right from the off.

christinarossetti · 31/03/2013 23:04

Exactly. And not everyone has an encyclopaedia knowledge of which posters to treat like dog shit.

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