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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

326 replies

orderinformation · 30/03/2013 21:49

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

  • I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night
  • I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

OP posts:
BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:33

I guess working night is different than getting drunk at he pub while you are with a 3 months old and a toddler and thought would be able to catch up on sleep until your husband changes his mind?

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 23:33

I just get the feeling you don't like it that some posters aren't taking it as seriously as you are Boring.

You do sound as though you give a shit tbh, enough to stop you from doing something that'd make you happier anyway.

seriouscakeeater · 30/03/2013 23:35

Wow just re read though thread...
How nasty these threads get so quickly.
[Sad]
If you have an opinion ladies say it don't bully it home. Ugly.

ParadiseChick · 30/03/2013 23:35

Christ on a bike.

I've had a hectic, stressy day and just before dinner dh said to me 'why don't you go down the pub, catch up with your mates, get out of here for a bit' he must really hate me.

He hasn't even stipulated what time I have to get up tomorrow!

Family day. Sounds serious!

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:36

it is not about taking seriously, is about making fun of other people and making them feel bad. Is it difficult to understand? Wants me to draw a picture?
I am lying on bed feeling too lazy to do anything else and that is why I am here.
Will avoid turning the computer on as much as I can, problem solved.

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 23:36

I did not say that orderinformation had a mental illness or an anxiety disorder, Hotcrosspun. I asked if it was the case. And was, probably rightly, told that this was too personal a question. I was actually trying to find out whether there was an underlying reason for her worry so that a bit more sympathy might come her way than has been the case on this thread so far. Insomnia due to mental illness is surprisingly common. 1 in 4 peoiple will suffer a mental illness at some point in their lives. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 23:37

I know seriouscakeeater!

It's amazing how concerned some posters are when people say it's up to the DH as to what he does.

seriouscakeeater · 30/03/2013 23:38

Agreed on the making fun of other people and making them feel bad its very school yard.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:39

Sminkopinko I gave few examples as to why she might not be able to sleep while he is not at home.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2013 23:39

HotCrossPun I agree it's disturbing to think it has anything to do with mental illness etc...

But honestly, if one adult can't sleep without the other adult being present, that's likely to hamper the other adult's life in quite a way don't you think?

If my DH made it clear to me that if I went out with my friends he couldn't sleep, I'd see it as him laying some kind of guilt trip on me.

Fair enough if he felt like that, but there's no need to tell me about his problem...because that would sound as though he's trying to make the problem mine too, instead of dealing with it/seeking help.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 23:39

'Wants me to draw a picture?'

If you're any good at drawing I wants it very much.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:43

To draw a picture
it is a joke we say at my home country
you won't get it as I don't get some jokes here in mumsnet England

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 23:44

Where did it say he was going to get drunk boring ? Not over-egging the pudding, by any chance, are you?

CherylTrole · 30/03/2013 23:44

OP must be one of them bloody POs then? Are you all mnetting from the pub?

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:45

Perhaps I was brought up not to laugh at people's and always got mad at it. Even as a child.

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 23:45

Sorry- missed that boring, Yes, I can see how people you know being stabbed could lead to worry.:( Poor you.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2013 23:46

No we say it here in mumsnet England too.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:46

Lady, just using my imagination or playing with possibilities like everyone here.
People assumed he would still wake up in the morning to do childcare if he went, but he didn't say that, did he?

thornrose · 30/03/2013 23:48

There's a massive assumption that a grown man can't pop to the pub without becoming completely incapacitated resulting in him being unable to get up in the morning and look after his children.

seriouscakeeater · 30/03/2013 23:48

I don't sleep great when dh isn't in bed..just because its strange. He knows it but dosnt think I use it as blackmail and it certainly dosnt hamper his life in any way. Yep I'm an adult and so his he but its not a guilt trip or a problem..
We don't make issues like that.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 23:48

I understood what you said Boring.

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 23:51

And he didn't say he wouldn't either......

CherylTrole · 30/03/2013 23:52

But its always the men going out for a pissup, the women, not as much. Definitely a huge unequal balance going on.....

MagicHouse · 30/03/2013 23:53

On the face of it, it seems likes YABU. But I remember back to the days of getting very little sleep, and also someone who did all the nightwakings. Some of how you feel might be down to resentment that he can just swan off at 9 while you're tied to the house as you're bf. Maybe you feel generally unsupported/ unloved at the moment? You're probably wishing he would prefer to be at home with his family. It's probably more to do with your family dynamics at the moment.
Having two small children is exhausting. I think when you're knackered with a small baby, sometimes you want to be looked after, and your dh wanting to disappear off to the pub at 9 when you've just got home probably doesn't feel great, especially if you know it'll have a knock on the next day.
Hope you get a good night's sleep, and feel more positive in the morning :-)

thornrose · 30/03/2013 23:55

See there it is again, "going for a pissup", every trip to the pub doesn't end up with someone bing pissed.