Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people shouldn't take loans out in other peoples names

69 replies

brickwalled · 30/03/2013 17:49

Dh and I live in a 2 bed council house with 2 DCs . I'm paying off loads of uni debt in the hope of getting a mortgage one day . dh has his heart set on a house that my parents own . My parents are constantly telling me we should buy it the mortgage won't be much more than our ret blah blah blah .

But we have no hope in hell of getting an affordable mortgage because mil has run up loads of debt in DHs name . I don't know exactly how much but dh keeps getting letters in from debt collection agencies on behalf of different pay day loan type companies .

I've told dh he needs to tell her to stop doing it but he's said no he won't leave her skint (and tbh I think she would do it anyway)

Aibu to be angry with mil and completely devastated that I'll never own my own home ? Dh can't even get a phone contract never mind a mortgage Sad

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 17:52

How is she doing it? ID-ing herself I mean? Although I suppose she can easily get copies of birth certs and NI numbers etc.

BIL did this many moons ago and I shopped him, because I could he impacted upon DHs credit rating.

comedycentral · 30/03/2013 17:52

What the hell? I cannot imagine doing this to my son, so selfish. I would give him an ultimatum.

Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 17:52

you should be angry with your DH for allowing it. he is obviously signing for these loans!

ariane5 · 30/03/2013 17:53

YANBU

I REALLY feel for you. My dh is the same with mil. We have horrendous problems with her borrowing/not paying back.

I can't offer any advice I'm afraid as I can't even sort my own similar problem out but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

Really hope you can find a way to sort it out. It iis souldestroying when you are trying your best to pay bill/go without/save up and some idiot keeps taking your money.

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 17:55

He wouldn't have to sign for the loans - I could do it, so could you - I have my cons birth cert, bank details and NI numbers etc - fraud is very easily accomplished, especially with family members who will be guilt tripped into no reporting the fraud. Online would be a doddle.

ElliesWellies · 30/03/2013 17:55

YANBU, and as far as I'm aware, he must be allowing her to do this, e.g. signing loan agreements, etc.

It would be a deal-breaker for me, to be honest.

pepperrabbit · 30/03/2013 17:56

If they're in his name he must be signing for them and/or guaranteeing them.
He HAS to be party to this for her to use his name unless she's committing identity fraud online (I assume).

ElliesWellies · 30/03/2013 17:57

Oh I see, she could just use his details? Wow. What kind of mother...?

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 17:59

All these payday loan companies are online.

Halifax gave me a mortgage online - I've never banked with them, I didn't have to provide any paper documents or go into a branch. I did it over the telephone - and it was a joint mortgage as well, they don't know if I fraudulently signed on behalf of DH or not, they've only ever spoken to me.

There is so much online fraud it is staggering.

There will come a saturation point though, where she can't obtain anymore legit loans because of credit checks and then the loan companies become a little more dodgy with higher and higher interest rates.

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 18:01

Incidentally - are you sharing an address with MIL? If not, collect everything together and go down to the police station and report it as identity theft. Easily trackable to her bank account.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/03/2013 18:05

YANBU. It is fraud.

EverybodysSootyEyed · 30/03/2013 18:05

Is your dh hoping that your parents will give you the house?

They could both end up in a lot of legal trouble, and do you want the bailiffs knocking on your door?

How old is she?

He isn't really helping his mum - he is enabling her to live beyond her means. It sounds like she could do with a trip to can for some financial planning advice

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 18:08

We dont live with mil . The letters dh gets in are ones from years ago that have tracked him down to our address now . Ones she obviously took out and didn't pay back . But I know she still does it now .

I could never shop her It would cause far too much upset and my DCs love her . And I I'm honest I actually like her Shock . But this just makes me hate her which makes me Sad

OP posts:
pregnantpause · 30/03/2013 18:23

so her son cannot get a mortgage because she sullied his credit rating, his family are now experiencing bailiffs and debt agencies harassment, and he still let's her do it?

surely if he won't shop her, she obviously won't pay the debt esp if it's been years, then eventually your dh (and you) will have to pay it. It's in his name. unless he shops his dm, it's his debt to pay. Sad

Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 18:55

this might come across as harsh but if you aren't prepared to do what you are legally entitled (obliged?) to do to stop her then i dont think it's fair to whinge about her to your dh and hold her responsible for you not getting a mortgage. you know this is going on. dh knows this is going on but you are LETTING it continue and so are partly responsible for you and him not being able to get a mortgage.

Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 19:00

also. couldn't you rent the house belonging to your parents?

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2013 19:04

There is no way on gods green earth that I could stay with someone like this.

Does he not see how much this impacts upon you and his dc?

My first step would be disassociating all finances from him.

dopeysheep · 30/03/2013 19:10

The only way to stop her ruining your financial future is to report her for fraud.
But even then wouldn't your husband have to confirm it?
If he won't then you're stuffed renting unless your parents are in a position to give you a house.
And what if she borrows against that? You could lose it very easily I think.

formicaqueen · 30/03/2013 20:51

Talk to her. Don't be angry but try and resolve things. Tell her you are so worried that you will never be able to get a mortgage and own house because of the debts she has run up. You are paying off your own debts in the hope that you can start saving for a deposit. She must start clearing DH's debts so that eventually he can have a clean record.

Alternatively, get a mortgage in your name only.

formicaqueen · 30/03/2013 20:52

Also he really isn't thinking enough about his own small family and providing housing for you and them.

LittleBairn · 30/03/2013 20:53

YANBU how rediclous to ruin your own financial future for someone else!

LittleBairn · 30/03/2013 20:56

I would sit down and be very straight with her, her debt is ruining your financial future and it must stop. How can she look at herself in the mirror knowing what she is doing to you both, has she no shame?!

BruisedFanjo · 30/03/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoknowswhocares · 30/03/2013 21:18

She is stealing her son's and grandchildren's future.
You have every right to be INCANDESCENT, both with her and your spineless DH.
I couldn't stay with a man who allowed this to go on and would not fight for his wife and children's future. The concept of 'liking' someone who is prepared to do this to you and your children is absolutely mind blowing. She is putting her desire for consumer goods and trinkets above her family. That is not the action of a kind or decent person, certainly not someone worthy of your consideration
You owe it to your family to have it out with her and your pathetic excuse for an OH

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 30/03/2013 21:29

You might like her but she doesn't like you.

Your children might love her but she doesn't love them.

She's putting you in danger of debt, losing your home and possible prison. Not to mention that if you need to rent a home again you'll fail the credit check.

Even if she stops now it'll be about ten years until you DH's credit history is clear.

:(

Sorry, but that's the truth.