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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people shouldn't take loans out in other peoples names

69 replies

brickwalled · 30/03/2013 17:49

Dh and I live in a 2 bed council house with 2 DCs . I'm paying off loads of uni debt in the hope of getting a mortgage one day . dh has his heart set on a house that my parents own . My parents are constantly telling me we should buy it the mortgage won't be much more than our ret blah blah blah .

But we have no hope in hell of getting an affordable mortgage because mil has run up loads of debt in DHs name . I don't know exactly how much but dh keeps getting letters in from debt collection agencies on behalf of different pay day loan type companies .

I've told dh he needs to tell her to stop doing it but he's said no he won't leave her skint (and tbh I think she would do it anyway)

Aibu to be angry with mil and completely devastated that I'll never own my own home ? Dh can't even get a phone contract never mind a mortgage Sad

OP posts:
OurPlanetNeptune · 30/03/2013 21:31

His mother will never pay the debts, it seems. He will be saddled with paying them. You are married. These will be your debts. Is your husband very dim or does he care more about his mother than you and your dc? Or both?

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 30/03/2013 21:34

And don't forget; once your DH's credit history renders her unable to get any more loans she'll be moving onto your name.

I'd leave him. Quickly. Separate your finances and get out. Otherwise you'll be spending the rest of your life paying debts off.

:(

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 22:35

I'm hardly going to end an otherwise perfectly happy marriage over this . I have always dealt with our finance just because I am good at it and like doing it . So I don't think dh fully understands how much it has affected our credit score. If I said to him let's go see a mortgage broker on Tuesday - he would do it . But I wouldn't do that because I know the dude would laugh in our faces !

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 22:40

so you are just going to accept that this is how things are and that you wont ever own a house with your DH?

Whoknowswhocares · 30/03/2013 22:41

Perhaps you should! Why are you shielding him from the ugly truth?

QuintEggSensuality · 30/03/2013 22:46

You do realize that you can never buy a house because of this unless you divorce your husband first? The house will become a marital asset, and as your dh has debts, the debt collectors can claim against the value of your house, and you will most likely lose it. This may cause serious rifts in your family.

If your husband wants to be a home owner, and he wants to buy (and lose) a house that belongs to your parents, he needs to face up to his financial issues first. Or divorce you just so you can buy a house on your own.

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 22:48

No I don't want to accept it I want to change it .

Leaving dh also means we will never own a home together .

OP posts:
Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 22:49

whoknows maybe I actually should . I think I might tell mil we have an apmt at a broker as see what her reaction is .

OP posts:
QuintEggSensuality · 30/03/2013 22:49

He cant own a home.

You dont have to own it together.

HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 22:52

brickwalled - try showing him this thread? or at least take some of the comments from it?

And no, I wouldn't throw away a marriage because my MIL was a numpty either.

However, it is going to be very difficult to get your DH to see his mother is exploiting both him and his family.

And no, he isn't ever going to report his mother either, because he loves her, and you do too.

So the problem of MIL remains. Is she open to discussion on how this affects you and your family?

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 22:52

I know we don't need to get a joint mortgage but I only work part time so I wouldnt get enough on my own .

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 30/03/2013 22:54

FWIW - hard line - what your MIL is doing is stealing. Both the money she has no intention of repaying - and your DHs good reputation.

QuintEggSensuality · 30/03/2013 22:54

Well then, if you cant get a mortgage on your own, and your dh cant get one at all, what are you planning to do?

Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 23:00

OP i asked earlier, but it's been missed.

couldn't you rent the property from your parents if dh has his heart set on it?

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 30/03/2013 23:00

Ok, what do you want to happen? Do you want your DH to realise just how much he has fucked his family by allowing his mother to do this?

Maybe a visit to a mortgage broker IS The way to go. Make the appointment, don't let on that you yourself know that you are going to be refused, and when you are refused, make full sure you ask questions so that it is crystal clear that it's his mother's (& his) fault that you can't get a mortgage.

Then let him know in no uncertain terms how disappointed & upset you are that he has thrown away your family's financial security. Hopefully he will then step up and do something to extricate himself from his mother's lies (because that's what they are).

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 23:01

quint tbh I'm happy here for now but we will need to move at some point . It's dh that is desperate to move . We can't rent the other house the rent is too expensive (my parents released equity on it to fund their current house because they couldn't get it sold) and we can't buy it . I'm not bothered for now but I'm sick of him talking about the house when I know we can't move into it .

OP posts:
Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 23:03

booyhoo sorry I did answer there in my pp

OP posts:
QuintEggSensuality · 30/03/2013 23:07

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about the debts his mum has accrued in his name. The interest on payday loans are extortionate!

Do you know the extent of your husbands debts?

Take him to a mortgage adviser and let him have it from the horses mouth, so to speak.

Booyhoo · 30/03/2013 23:09

yep see it now.

tbh i think your dh needs a reality check and to be in possesion of the full facts.

it's mad that you do all teh finances yet tolerate him going on about wanting to move to a house you can afford because of his mother and what he allows her to do!

either take control of this situation and do what needs to be done or just accept it and tell dh to give up the dream of teh house.

Original poster
brickwalled · 30/03/2013 23:10

quint afaik he has none (that he's taken out himself) I know he had bad debt from his teens/early twenties but that's all been settled years ago .

OP posts:
Mia4 · 30/03/2013 23:19

Your DH needs to take a stand over this, it's messing up your lives. Add to that that what she's doing is illegal-it's fraudulent if he isn't signing himself and in full knowledge.

You need to think about you and yours OP, including and discluding your husband. If he won't take a stand she will drain you dry, worse what if when your children are older he decides it's fine for him to do the same? Or try to take out in her name. Honestly, i think talk to him seriously, you need to think over whether you can be with a man like this.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 30/03/2013 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CSIJanner · 31/03/2013 07:45

He's not leaving her skint - she already is. She's just living off beyond her means using the credit in someone else's name and not repaying it. Theft, fraud - call it what you will. Ultimately it's immoral and unfair to her son and his family and she needs to be pulled up on it.

QuintEggSensuality · 31/03/2013 08:49

Her debts are in his name. He only has two options. Report her for identity theft or fraud, or accept that the debt is his and pay it off.

The question is, when he decides to pay off his mums debts so as to not rock the boat, how will he prevent her from doing the same again?

His lacking back bone is not fair on you.

QuintEggSensuality · 31/03/2013 08:56

As long as he does not stop it, he is party to the fraud. He is helping her obtaining credit and money that she is not entitled to.

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