To think people shouldn't take loans out in other peoples names

[brickwalled]

Dh and I live in a 2 bed council house with 2 DCs . I'm paying off loads of uni debt in the hope of getting a mortgage one day . dh has his heart set on a house that my parents own . My parents are constantly telling me we should buy it the mortgage won't be much more than our ret blah blah blah .

But we have no hope in hell of getting an affordable mortgage because mil has run up loads of debt in DHs name . I don't know exactly how much but dh keeps getting letters in from debt collection agencies on behalf of different pay day loan type companies .

I've told dh he needs to tell her to stop doing it but he's said no he won't leave her skint (and tbh I think she would do it anyway)

Aibu to be angry with mil and completely devastated that I'll never own my own home ? Dh can't even get a phone contract never mind a mortgage

Your husband sounds incredibly childish. He's "got his heart set on" a house that he'll never be able to have because he is letting his mother systematically destroy his credit-worthiness. He's not prepared to do anything about it but keeps going on about the house.

What does he actually think is going to happen? Does he think someone is magically going to write off the debts and say "here, have a massive mortgage and buy your dream house"?

I assume from the OP that your MIL is continuing to run up debt? So this isn't a problem that has an end to it - it's not a question of paying it off and drawing a line under it - while she is alive you are never going to be able to own a house and will probably have massive problems getting credit for anything.

So the bottom line is that you need to make a decision. Your options would seem to be:

1. Go to the police and take all necessary steps to detach this debt from your family so that you can actually have a normal financial future.

2. Threaten MIL with the police if she ever does it again and work on clearing the current debts yourself and starting again in a few years when your husband's credit record has improved.

3. Leave him and concentrate on having an independent financial future.

4. Accept that for the next 20/30/40 years you will be financially crippled so that MIL can have whatever she wants.

You won't do 1, 2 or 3 so I guess you're stuck with 4. There isn't another option. So you probably need to tell him, in no uncertain terms, to stop whining about a house he can't afford because you're not listening to it for the next forty years.

I agree your dh needs a wake up call! Sorry if you've already said but how do you know for sure that its his mother doing it? Has she admitted it in the past or is it just a suspicion? If you don't know for sure could you maybe convince him its internet hackers or something so that he'll report it and then leave it to the police to trace it back to her?

So he won't 'leave her skint' but it's ok for her to effectively do that to you and your family? Your DH seems to burying his head in the sand about all this, which is not a long-term solution to this problem.

Go on Experian and Equifax and request your DHs credit record. Do yours at the same time because if you have joint financial products your credit records will be linked, which means that in time you might not be able to get credit or finance either. You can request your credit report online so you can see the details on screen. You have to put in your credit card details but if you cancel the service within a month you won't be charged, so it'll be free. I do mine annually, it's really easy. Do it today. I think you both need to see what's going on in black and white. The situation may be better, or worse, than you think but you need to know exactly where you stand. However if your DH can't even get a phone contract, you need to prepare yourself for the fact that it's not going to be pretty.

When you have full knowledge of how much debt she's taken out in your DHs name, then you can sit down with your DH and discuss what you're going to do. Because you're going to have to do something, even if it means having an open, honest discussion with your MIL where you show her in black and white the effect her fraud is having on your credit rating, finances and future happiness. You may need to help her budget so she can pay off the debts and learn to live within her means, so she doesn't need to rely on the payday vultures. This may mean going with her to the CAB or contacting Stepchange for help with some sort of debt repayment plan. It doesn't mean it will 'leave her skint' at all, but she clearly needs financial help and possibly some counselling too, depending on what she's spending the money on (especially if, like you say, she'll keep on doing this even if you tell her she has to stop).

At the moment her selfish ways are going to be the ruin of you and it needs sorting. Make a start on doing that today, before you all end up financially ruined for life.

Yes she admitted to it from years ago . but I only suspect she is still doing it .

I spoke to him last night and he agreed to go on to experian . Experian are sending him a pin in the post before he can access his details so once that comes in we can see how much she actually owes in his name .

Then I'm printing it and telling him to give her it and demand it's all paid by the end of the year .

you say these are old debts - how old? Are they statute barred - are these crooked debt collectors or are they legitimate loans? Are they actual court CCJs or are they just debt collector threats?

Has he actually checked his own credit rating? Has he actually made any payments or spoken to the creditors?

Oh boy does this thread give me perspective.

I'd ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships, OP. You need to leave him. It's not going to get any better.

I'm in scotland so as afaik ccjs dont exist here ? I may be wrong though .

Ok hes had letters about x debt. phones mil . She pays it . Then another letter comes in . I just assume it's mil again . Then loads of letters come in from same company . They say the debt is from rbs and only thing dh has had from rbs is an account that he closed last year . He thinks it might be an outstanding dd he has had that he forgot about . But I'm not sure because he never actually got any letters from rbs before the debt collector letters .

Then the other day a letter came in from another letter came in about another debt that was mil .

Yes she admitted to it from years ago . but I only suspect she is still doing it .

I'd check your own credit rating and depending on the age of your DC theirs to. It wouldn't surprise me if she was still doing it - and doing it to more than just her DS.

Knowing the size of the problem is a good first step.

Good luck.

I'm in Scotland also brickwalled . Your issue is not, though, ccjs or whatever. It's your DH.

You don't have to shop her, just contact the companies and tell them that he did not take out the loans, you have no knowledge of who took them out but you suspect someone else must have done it.

I had a friend in my early 20's who too out a lot of credit in my name (I had a mortgage and really good credit, and two decent incomes at the time) I didn't know anything about it until three years after she defaulted on the agreements, it took them that long to track me down.
It turned out all she had needed was my dob, name and previous address (she put in that her address was my current address) to run up 3k worth of debt, including payday loans and even a capital one credit card.

My credit was ruined. But I didn't want to get the ex friend (we hadn't spoken in a while by this point) in trouble as I knew she was heavily pregnant, so I just told the companies that I suspected identity fraud and that I hadn't taken out any of the accounts/credit/loans.

I proved that I had never lived at that address, and they did a full investigation which took a few months, after they were satisfied that I was not responsible for the debts they cleared the black marks from my credit report and wiped my name from the debt.

It's been two years since I last heard from them and they have never contacted the ex friend, even though she still lives at the address. (I speak to her occasionally on Facebook).

You should do this, it's not fair that your MIL is ruining your financial future.

Even though she is paying the debts, he needs to stop her from doing it.

You can see your credit file free today through noddle.co.uk. You also don't have to wait for a pin from equifax.

I've never had to get a pin from Experian or Equifax. I just go online, register, put in my details and I can access my credit report. I do it annually, ever since I found out my ex had a ton of debt which resulted in bailiffs coming to my door looking for him. I had to get myself financially disassociated from him. I now keep a close eye on my financial record, just in case.

Try Equifax. You could have that credit report in an hour and be forming a plan of action.

The credit score sites let me in fine but told dh he needed a pin .

I told dsis today she said I should tell my parents they will be ok about it and it will get them off my back about buying . And she sympathises with dh that he is too nice for his own good .

Too nice for his own good- no he's not he is a criminal like any other criminal
Companies go bankrupt because of bad debt and people loose their jobs
You could loose your car/TV and any other possessions if the bailiffs come calling
He may not be benefiting financially but he is a fraudster

Did he tell you that he needed a pin?

I used both equifax and experian recently to check something that had come up in error. With both I just registered online and had instant access. I just looked at the experian website and it looks like the pin is just for iphone app access.

Are you sure he's not trying to put you off looking?

You don't have to shop her directly, but you do need to tell these companies that these are not your/DH's debts...

I don't think your DH is an innocent as he's saying either, most credit check companies give you a free 30 days trial.

I am sure you love your DH and that he's nice. However, often 'being too nice for his own good' isn't the best thing for your future... I am not saying LTB, I am saying that you must seriously consider this when getting involved in ANY financial commitment with him. Perhaps it WOULD be best if any house is in your name only?

Not because your DH is a baddun, but because if you're too nice you make mistakes, don't step up to say no to those who are screwing you and end up costing the whole family a lot of money (and time). So, you have a bigger choice than shopping your MIL for fraud (because that's what it is)and your choice is simple. You either accept your DH for who he is and allow it to continue, keep putting your faith in him, keep hoping he'll sort the mess out, keep being disappointed and start wishing he'd grow a fucking backbone... or you accept DH as he is, and count him out of any financial dealings, sort it all yourself, do not rely on him.

We sat and done both our credit files together I saw the pin thing with my own eyes .

I agree he is not "too nice for his own good". He is spineless. And cruel to you by crippling the family economy. He is also taking part in fraud, and this is criminal behaviour.