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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send this arsey email to DSs head teacher?

211 replies

Cookethenook · 29/03/2013 11:18

Dear x,
I hope you're enjoying the start of the Easter Holidays and making the most of your well earned break!

I have a bit of a complaint I'm afraid, regarding a story that Ds was told in an assembly the other day. It involved a man taking his son to work with him and the child getting stuck in a piece of machinery that operated a bridge. This resulted in the man having to make the very difficult decision between saving his son and saving a train full of people. Ds then went on to describe the fact that God had thought that the man had done the right thing by saving the train instead of his son.

I have to say, myself and my other half were really shocked by this!

I feel it's a very very adult moral dilemma to be telling ks1 children about, let alone totally despicable that in the 21st century people still feel it appropriate to put 'the fear of God' into children. I understand that the story was trying to teach a lesson about the greater good, but I have no idea why it had to be set in such a horrific situation, nor why God had to enter into it at all- surely it is better to teach children to have strong morals because THEY think it's the right thing to do, not because of what a God tells them?

Im not usually one for belittling a child's emotional intelligence, but the love that a parent has for a child is something a young child couldn't possibly comprehend. I felt that the story was completely inappropriate for the age of the children in this respect and Ds seemed quite concerned that we wouldn't save him if we were in a similar situation.

One of the main reasons we chose to move Ds from his old school was because of the fact it was c of e and being humanists, we felt that the Church of England does not teach equality or inclusion (equal marriage rights and women's rights to name a few). Now, I realise that all schools have to include collective acts of worship into their curriculum and that we have the right to withdraw Ds from them if we wish but we have not done so previously as DS enjoys Christian worship and we didn't want him to feel singled out. It would be very disappointing if we did have to withdraw him, but I really don't feel comfortable with him feeling that bad things will happen if he doesn't follow God's word.

Kind regards
Cooke

I hope it's clear from the email what exactly happened. We were so shocked when DS told us in the car this morning. He really is quite fearless, but the story did seem to have confused and shocked him quite a bit. I'm not surprised tbh, if the story was a film, it would not be suitable for under 7's.

I don't feel we're overreacting about this (although I'm sure there will be those who disagree!), but is this ok to send? Anything that I should take out? I did end up having a bit if a rant, so it might not be totally coherent or relevant. I'm also not sure how to end it.

Argh, I'm so angry!

OP posts:

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:16

Easter/eggs/rabbits/fertility/spring festivities have nothing to do with Jesus so it is perfectly possible for a non-Christian to celebrate enthusiastically. Ditto Yuletide

As for the story - incredibly inappropriate for KS1 children! A child getting caught in machinery and dying? Sounds like something from a horror story.

I would keep the letter brief and focus on

the horrific and inappropriate content of the story
the "moral dilemma" being beyond very young children's understanding and the idea that a parent wouldn't rescue them being very upsetting
"God" being presented as a fact rather than a belief

More appropriate would have been a sanitised version of the Christian Easter story presented as "this is what Christians believe".

theroseofwait · 30/03/2013 11:18

Chocolate eggs represent the tomb of Jesus. And, of course you are free to eat as many eggs as you wish, but it is quite odd to celebrate the festivals of a religion to which you do not belong nor at least uphold some of the basic beliefs, surely?

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:19

Chocolate eggs represent the tomb of Jesus? Assume you are joking!

Eggs and rabbits are fertility symbols!

HesterShaw · 30/03/2013 11:21

But eating chocolate and giving gifts has nothing to do with believersueving in a religion.

The bible mentions nothing of chocolate, and as has been pointed out, eggs are a symbol of spring and fertility, and nothing to do with a son of god dying for "my sins".

HesterShaw · 30/03/2013 11:21

Believing rather.

I don't know where that weird word came from.

zwischenzug · 30/03/2013 11:22

The beauty of atheism is of course you can celebrate what you want, when you want, without having to bring "God" into it

TheFallenNinja · 30/03/2013 11:23

What do you expect it to accomplish?

seeker · 30/03/2013 11:23

"Seeker- because any Christian would know about ascension day."

So would any reasonably well educated atheist!

And have you missed the fact that nobody is saying that children shouldn't be told about the Christian Easter beliefs? It's this particular bizarre story which people are saying is wholly inappropriate for 7 year olds.

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:24

It is interesting how Christianity managed to rebrand a load of pagan traditions and symbolism though - oh yes, eggs are just like a tomb. And chicks are basically like Jesus. And the Easter bunny is...um... the Virgin Mary

seeker · 30/03/2013 11:25

Oh, and Easter eggs do not represent Jesus's tomb. They represent.....er .........eggs!

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:25

FallenNinja if this happened at my DS's school I would want reassurance that 4-7 year olds won't be told horror stories about children crushed to death in machinery again.

theroseofwait · 30/03/2013 11:26

No, why would I joke?! Birds break out of their eggs to new life just as Jesus broke out of the tomb. Some Christians believe that egg rolling stems from the boulder rolling from the tomb entrance, but that is a step too far for me personally!

theroseofwait · 30/03/2013 11:30

Well clearly not seeker, in terms of ascension day. Am on iPad so can't quote. . and who are you to tell me which of my beliefs are correct?

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:30

therose, these are obviously traditional spring time symbols that Christianity has stretched to make relevant to their story. Why do you think the timing of Christmas and Easter are as they are? Early Christianity took traditional festivals and made them Christian.

Tethering · 30/03/2013 11:30

I can't help but think that maybe your ds did miss part of the story, possibly because he is so young. If it was an Easter allegory then the son comes back to life, if it was a reworking of the Abraham story then the son is also saved. Perhaps your ds was so shocked by the bridge and train part that he missed the ending.

The only other point I'd make is that assemblies are usually for more than one class so it can be a difficult to pitch a story just right for little ones and older ones. My ds came home from nursery telling me about Jesus being put on the cross with nails and then dying. I'm a Catholic and I was a bit that they had been given so much detail. However it was in assembly and the entire school were present so I can understand that there may be parts that aren't entirely appopriate for the smallest members. I think they hope it will go above their heads. (my ds wasn't traumatised. I was more shocked than him - he equated it with superheroes and baddies and then the goodies saved the day because Jesus came back to life ).

If I was as angry about this as you are then I would have a word with the HT when you go back after Easter. The vicar gave the talk but the ht is responsible.

However, don't conflate two issues. You obviously
aren't comfortable with your child learning about God and yet don't want him to miss out. You can't ask the school to change their approach to collective acts of worship to please you. You can ask them to explain how they ensure talks are age-appropriate for a mixed age audience.

HesterShaw · 30/03/2013 11:30

But the chicks are just born! For the first time, they are not resurrected. And they are also a product of their parents mating, whereas sex is so distasteful to Christians, they insist Jesus's mother was a virgin.

seeker · 30/03/2013 11:31

Christians have always been brilliant at hijacking traditions from other religions and none. But the egg/tomb thing is a new one one on me!

zwischenzug · 30/03/2013 11:32

Wikipedia...

In particular, the custom of the Easter egg originated amongst the early Christians of Mesopotamia, who stained eggs red in memory of the blood of Christ, shed at his crucifixion.

It's funny though how chocolate easter eggs are said to mean something convenient to the message Christians want them to mean. Nothing to do with stuffing your face with chocolate...

seeker · 30/03/2013 11:33

"However, don't conflate two issues. You obviously
aren't comfortable with your child learning about God"

Nobody, but nobody has ever said they don't want thier children learning about God! Why do people persist in putting up that straw man?

HesterShaw · 30/03/2013 11:36

Somehow I think Easter would be less popular if we were still on stained red eggs.

zwischenzug · 30/03/2013 11:36

However, don't conflate two issues. You obviously aren't comfortable with your child learning about God and yet don't want him to miss out. You can't ask the school to change their approach to collective acts of worship to please you.

If it's a non-religious school you certainly can complain about bringing in senior figures from various cults and talking about their cult as if it is evidence-based fact. Children should not have to be made to feel different and excluded to be defended from this sort of attempted indoctrination.

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:37

Learning about god/s is fine, children should learn about all kinds of gods. But it shouldn't be presented as uncontested fact, especially when children are very young.

Why couldn't the vicar have just explained what Christians believe about Easter?

zwischenzug · 30/03/2013 11:38

Somehow I think Easter would be less popular if we were still on stained red eggs.

Maybe this is what cadbury's creme eggs represent, seeing as they have a red/orange bit in the filling...

soverylucky · 30/03/2013 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 11:44

I'd be more pissed off about the horror story than the god stuff, but if I was complaining I'd mention both.

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