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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send this arsey email to DSs head teacher?

211 replies

Cookethenook · 29/03/2013 11:18

Dear x,
I hope you're enjoying the start of the Easter Holidays and making the most of your well earned break!

I have a bit of a complaint I'm afraid, regarding a story that Ds was told in an assembly the other day. It involved a man taking his son to work with him and the child getting stuck in a piece of machinery that operated a bridge. This resulted in the man having to make the very difficult decision between saving his son and saving a train full of people. Ds then went on to describe the fact that God had thought that the man had done the right thing by saving the train instead of his son.

I have to say, myself and my other half were really shocked by this!

I feel it's a very very adult moral dilemma to be telling ks1 children about, let alone totally despicable that in the 21st century people still feel it appropriate to put 'the fear of God' into children. I understand that the story was trying to teach a lesson about the greater good, but I have no idea why it had to be set in such a horrific situation, nor why God had to enter into it at all- surely it is better to teach children to have strong morals because THEY think it's the right thing to do, not because of what a God tells them?

Im not usually one for belittling a child's emotional intelligence, but the love that a parent has for a child is something a young child couldn't possibly comprehend. I felt that the story was completely inappropriate for the age of the children in this respect and Ds seemed quite concerned that we wouldn't save him if we were in a similar situation.

One of the main reasons we chose to move Ds from his old school was because of the fact it was c of e and being humanists, we felt that the Church of England does not teach equality or inclusion (equal marriage rights and women's rights to name a few). Now, I realise that all schools have to include collective acts of worship into their curriculum and that we have the right to withdraw Ds from them if we wish but we have not done so previously as DS enjoys Christian worship and we didn't want him to feel singled out. It would be very disappointing if we did have to withdraw him, but I really don't feel comfortable with him feeling that bad things will happen if he doesn't follow God's word.

Kind regards
Cooke

I hope it's clear from the email what exactly happened. We were so shocked when DS told us in the car this morning. He really is quite fearless, but the story did seem to have confused and shocked him quite a bit. I'm not surprised tbh, if the story was a film, it would not be suitable for under 7's.

I don't feel we're overreacting about this (although I'm sure there will be those who disagree!), but is this ok to send? Anything that I should take out? I did end up having a bit if a rant, so it might not be totally coherent or relevant. I'm also not sure how to end it.

Argh, I'm so angry!

OP posts:
MoominmammasHandbag · 29/03/2013 13:07

It's not even a modern retelling of the Easter story though is it? Jesus had the choice whether to die for humanity or not. And although he was God's son he wasn't a little kid.
And the vicar seems to be missing the major point that Jesus rose again.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 29/03/2013 13:07

There is a huge difference in believing in God, and interpreting it the way the Vicar did in the OP Arseache.
That comes under the heading 'moral dilemmas' IMO, I've seen that sort of thing discussed by adults, but it certainly isn't appropriate for 7 year old kids.

MoominmammasHandbag · 29/03/2013 13:08

And yes, I too would be complaining OP.

seeker · 29/03/2013 13:08

"We all grew up wtih bible stories etc. It wasn't until we were older that we came to our own decisions on this. No need to go ranting to all and sundry."

What, that well known Bible story, the Parable of the Cantilever Bridge? Or is it from the Old Testament- Isaac gets caught in the machinery and Abraham is asked to sacrifice him.........

ArseAche · 29/03/2013 13:08

Seeker it is the Professionally Offended who are ranting. Smile

Some on here are forcing their own views upon their children in the same way. Atheists are saying they refuse to let their dc attend assembly and are offended when they do.

Why not let them be free to pick up snippets of all beliefs and make their own decisions when they are older? Never killed us.

ArseAche · 29/03/2013 13:10

Fancy letting such a thing eat away at you. Makes I laugh Grin

seeker · 29/03/2013 13:11

but you isn't 7.

ArseAche · 29/03/2013 13:13

no, but I do believe the OP maybe.

Welovegrapes · 29/03/2013 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 29/03/2013 13:15

So what would you do ArseAche?

unebagpipe · 29/03/2013 13:15

Haven't read all the other posts but think that your original email was fine and I would complain too. Children don't need these scenarios in their heads.

KurriKurri · 29/03/2013 13:15

Arseache - there is picking up snippets of all beliefs, and there is being forced to sit and listen to mad shit. First is fine, second not so much.

ArseAche · 29/03/2013 13:16

What do I do about what?

seeker · 29/03/2013 13:16

Always trust an atheist to know their bible!

Welovegrapes · 29/03/2013 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorryIsUpduffed · 29/03/2013 13:18

It's not even a meaningful retelling. God wasn't saving a bunch of strangers, but all His other children.

Choosing to crush your PFB in machinery to prevent your other children from plummeting into a gorge is admittedly a bit Sophie's Choice but more comparable.

I think pitching it as "feedback" rather than a complaint might be better received. Even if DS did misinterpret or misremember the story itself, what he took away was disturbing and upsetting and could/should have been better managed.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 29/03/2013 13:24

What would you choose ArseAche, the train passengers or your child?

ConferencePear · 29/03/2013 13:25

This is a philosophical problem posed by Michael Sandel in his role as 'public philosopher'. I can't remember if I heard it on radio or saw it on television. He was using with much older learners and made no religious point out of it.

I agree it's a bit strong for such very young children and I can see no harm in you writing in that vein to the head although he probably didn't know the detail of what the vicar was going to do. This is what happens when you let untrained people loose on kids.

isitsnowingyet · 29/03/2013 13:25

kurrikurri I guess you're right. ie it is better not to rant, but to be more reasonable in tone, and that would be more productive. It's just that I get cross when people are reluctant to ever complain and to try and change how things are done in schools.

Inertia · 29/03/2013 13:25

I would complain. Even if you allow for the fact that schools are forced to include acts of Christian worship, that's a wholly inappropriate story.

PenguinBear · 29/03/2013 13:27

I'm a teacher and would complain, that's a dreadful story to tell 7 year olds! I wouldn't dare tell anything like that for anyone under 13!

ArseAche · 29/03/2013 13:30

LadyBea - I would choose my child. I would also explain to my 7 year old that I would be choosing them. I am sure that would be the end of the conversation as far as my dc were concerned. That would be all they would want to know at 7.

zwischenzug · 29/03/2013 13:33

there is nothing wrong or unenlightened about RE being compulsory to GCSE. It is EDUCATION not INSTRUCTION nowadays.

RE being taught is one thing, being made compulsory for GSCE when some subjects drastically more valuable such as foreign languages are optional is something else. By all means teach children about cultural superstitions up to year 9, but when the serious stuff starts RE needs to be treated like the personal hobby subject that it is.

seeker · 29/03/2013 13:37

rE is a demanding and interesting GCSE, and should be an option. But it being compulsory when history or a MFL isn't is outrageous.

just to clarify- the exam isn't compulsory- studying the subject is.

EuphemiaLennox · 29/03/2013 13:37

It's a pretty horrible story to tell kids.

But I wouldn't complain.

I'd just deal with it myself at home to reassure my child and balance the story.

All this complaining doesn't actually help your child you know although thats why we tell ourselves we're doing it. Its actually about demonstrating how right you are and how wrong they are.

It's about ego.
And that's how that letter comes across.

Don't take everything quite so seriously. That will help your child.

Chill man. (Want to do smiley face but can't find right brackets on new phone emotion)

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