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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you SHOULD have sex before marriage?

100 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 28/03/2013 22:18

Watching 40 year old virgins on telly with DP (who I am living in sin with Grin) and a bloke on the program is struggling as he was bought up to think that sex before marriage is wrong.

I personally think that sex is apart of getting know someone and going a way to fully understand your attraction and compatibility - therefore is essential before committing your life to that person.

I'm genuinely interested in what other people think. I went to a Catholic school so was bombarded with very strong "truths" to do with marriage etc.

OP posts:
sicutlilium · 28/03/2013 22:20

I completely agree: preferably with lots of other people Grin.

shallweshop · 28/03/2013 22:20

I agree entirely. I don't think you should commit to marry someone until you know that you are compatible sexually.

MrsWolowitz · 28/03/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2013 22:21

Some people seem to have a happy and fulfilled married life with their only partner, but personally I would agree that you need some experience just to know what's going on/how to make it as good as it gets.

ScentedNappyHag · 28/03/2013 22:22

Psh, I like to have sex before embarking on a friendship to test comparability, let alone a marriage Grin

weegiemum · 28/03/2013 22:22

Well I didn't. I've only ever slept with dh, after we got married.

18 + years and 3 dc on, it's awesome!!

You don't have to if you don't want to!

LaurieFairyCake · 28/03/2013 22:22

Different for everyone. I personally had a lot of sex before marriage, some of it truly pointless and not for great reasons.

Dh didn't and is very happy with just one partner.

It's impossible to generalise as sex is something you make right for you as a couple in a relationship - it all takes practise.

You sort of know you're compatible from all the snogging and frottage beforehand Grin

The cock in the fanjo thing is just an extra

DeadWomanWalking · 28/03/2013 22:22

I agree too. I also think you should live with someone for at least a year before marrying them.

gingeme · 28/03/2013 22:22

Yeah why not ? If Id have waited till I got married I wouldnt have had my first two DS. Theres nothing wrong with it as long as you use protection. Wink

weegiemum · 28/03/2013 22:23

And to complete he picture, dh has only ever had sex with me, too.

cupcake78 · 28/03/2013 22:23

Personally I'd rather try before I buy Wink

gingeme · 28/03/2013 22:25

Agree deadwomanwalking. I lived with DH for a year beforehand and it was just right. Smile

Sallystyle · 28/03/2013 22:26

I wonder though, as people are always changing is is very possible that even if you are compatible sexually before marriage it doesn't mean you will be years down the line?

My sex life isn't the same as it was 7 years ago, our drives are always changing and things we wouldn't have dreamt of trying back then have became more of an interest to us as the years go by.

I had sex before marriage, lots of it and even had two children before marriage but I don't think waiting for marriage is a bad thing, either option seems fine to me, personally.

Some might say that they won't want to run the risk of marrying someone who is crap in bed but isn't that something you learn as you go along?

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 28/03/2013 22:27

DeadWomanWalking - completely agree. You see a whole new side to someone when you live with them; their morning face for example. I love my DP even more for not running and screaming at my morning face!

OP posts:
floweryblue · 28/03/2013 22:27

I think sex is an important part of a relationship.

I put it about a lot when I was young. Met XH and fell completely head over heels but the sex wasn't anything like what it is now with DP.

I think it depends on the relationship, but no way I would be with DP now (unmarried but 11 years together, so I barely see the difference) unless we had done the deed fairly early on in our relationship and realised it was wow.

I can also see the point of view of 'saving' yourselves and learning together though.

tenlittlebuns · 28/03/2013 22:30

YABU.

Surely you should just do as you like? Are you thinking it should be a legal stipulation?

Only ever had sex with DH, after marriage. You can't possibly know everything about someone before you commit to them, which is maybe just as well. I enjoy my sex life, even though I don't have anything to compare it to, and that's all that matters for me.

littlepeas · 28/03/2013 22:33

Yes, I think so. You need to know that you're compatible. I also think you should live together. My dsis moved in with her adored boyfriend and found him impossible to live with - imagine if she'd married him first?!

RatPants · 28/03/2013 22:34

Definitely. This makes far more sense to me than the other thing. Grin

TiggerWearsATriteSmile · 28/03/2013 22:35

I had sex before marriage with my now DH.
We got together young though and bought a house and all that sensible stuff.

I don't see why you shouldn't. Says the good catholic....

Original poster
TheSeventhHorcrux · 28/03/2013 22:36

tenlittlebuns - its my personal opinion. Of course I don't think it should be a legal stipulation Hmm

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/03/2013 22:37

The OP's not saying she's going to start lobbying parliament to make it law tenlittlebuns Grin

Might be a bit of an enforcement problem there Grin Unless orthodox religion was introduced again?

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2013 22:38

Bet there'd be no end of takers willing to police it Grin

Pervs.

SirBoobAlot · 28/03/2013 22:41

There is no way I could spend the rest of my life with someone if the sex was shit. If we were not compatible in that department, it would be a no-goer for me. So I certainly wouldn't.

And besides, it's only via having sex with a number of partners who all 'perform' differently that I have been able to work out what I do and don't like.

Always test drive Wink

Startail · 28/03/2013 22:41

YANBU
DH happens to be the only person I've ever had sex with, but was just an accident. (Pre condom machines in every pub with date I'd have loved to have fucked and a stupidly shy BF it would have been heartless to fuck and then dump).

We had sex on our second date and got engaged on our fifth, (six weeks later). Since we both knew we'd get married from pretty much our first kiss we didn't see any point in worrying.

PandaG · 28/03/2013 22:44

sorry, but I'm with Weegiemum. have only had sex with DH, and first time for both of us was on our wedding night. 20 years later we are both very happy thanks.