To be furious that DH has unilaterally gone and spent £5,000 on motorbike lessons, gear, insurance and a new motorbike

[Fulhamup]

It's a classic mid life crisis. A propos of not much, DH decides that he needs a new hobby in which our DS, aged 6, might eventually be interested. I indulged him in getting motorbike lessons, thinking that we wouldn't go and buy a bike. I was wrong, he did and without consulting me or asking me about use of funds. We are both working but DH is having a tricky time at work and it could all go pear shaped. Naturally we have a big mortgage, plenty of outgoings, 2 DC. DH is 45 with plenty of grey hair and an otherwise generally sensible approach to life.

Not much point having the lessons if you aren't going to make use of them. It really depends on if £5k is a lot of money to you of whether YABU or not...

Yes, £5K is lot of money to me. We are financially secure assuming that DH doesn't lose his job, but I was a free school meals kid so I know what financial insecurity is like. It's not the money so much as the not asking me/ consulting me at all.

I would be livid (but my DH would not do this!)

Would he be OK with you spending a similar amount of money - say splurging out on a spa weekend or loads of new jewellery "just because you felt like it" - you need to have a serious chat about finances and responsibilities - its dreadful that he did not feel the need to discuss this with you first

Ok well if it is a significant bit of money to you then yes I agree he deffo should have asked you first.

Cool what's he bought?

Very funny, Pantah. I believe it is a Yamaha TDM 900 - second hand.

Well, it really does depend on your finances.

For example, we have one account (joint) and don't really discuss purchases normally but I'd expect DH to at least mention it if he was thinking of spending £5000.

Cos that's a substantial outgoing...

YANBU at all.

Plus I'm by the bit about the 6 yr old DS potentially having an interest in this hobby later on. I can't think of anything I would less like my DSs to do when they are older [sorry all you bikers out there] , I would spend a lot of money and ingenuity just to keep them off motorbikes! Too bleddy dangerous. And I say this as an erstwhile biker's moll.

But £5k I would be livid.

He could have bought a TDM850 for less than a grand and had lots of change from another grand with his gear and insurance. Silly man. I'm a biker and unless my DH, DS or myself had scored a 750 sport, in yellow for that price would never happen, they're a classic I'd be up the wall with spending that sort of money, DH is tighter than me mind.

Therefore YANBU at all. :)

Idiot. That bike is way to big for someone with all the gear and no idea.

But then if he did ask, he would either have received 'no' as an answer or a grudging 'yes' with lots of privisos and grief.

He has just done a shorthand version. It is unfair, it is unreasonable, but then perhaps there needs to be your shorthand to get him to acknowledge that it was wrong and how to deal with his anxiety.

Thanks for that Pantah, bike was £3,500. I am now even crosser.

ParadiseChick, I thought that but I frankly have no idea about bikes. The one plus point is a promise to go an advanced bike course. Is that helpful?

I am horrified about the suggestion to get DS interested in dangerous pastime but at this rate we are going to be divorced before DS gets to age 17.

It doesn't have to be a dangerous pastime.

Helpful or not, it's a hell of a lot of engine between inexperienced legs.

paradise and fulhamup read TDM slowly under your breath, sound the m as in umm not em. I'd be a lot more concerned if a novice was jumping on a Gixer6 or other sports bike. They are the sure and steady workhorse of sensible touring riders and commuters.

I'd be livid, you don't spend £5k without a brief chat beforehand!

LOL@ "brief chat beforehand"

Yes advanced training is preferable, especially for born agains, I'm assuming he rode in his youth. The brakes are the biggest difference, they work now, sometimes too well. The best thing is lots of experience though, send him on a round Britain ride with your blessing, he'll come home either loving it or never want to sit on a bike again.

Pantah, I am impressed by your expertise. I am informed by DH that this bike is the equivalent of a Ford Mondeo. So that's alright then!

And treat yourself and DS to a holiday while he's at it

No, not born again, no experience at all other than a short teenage flirt with a moped.

I'd have said micra but didn't want to upset him unnecessarily

Actually I insisted that he took it out in daylight today and will carry on insisting that he takes the f***g thing out every day until he gets bored and cold.

Lol, bet he's riding to the local cafe and sitting with a hot drink until it looks like he's been gone long enough.

I'm in the bath as I'm fed up with the cold in my bones, it's a hard life being a Biker, wouldn't have it any other way though sorry.

A friend of my mom's dh did the same thing, and came hime with a bike one day. She went out and bought herself a $10 000 diamond ring to make it equal, but, they could afford it.

I would pissed at dh. That's too muh money for one person to spend without talking it over first.