To be furious that DH has unilaterally gone and spent £5,000 on motorbike lessons, gear, insurance and a new motorbike

[Fulhamup]

It's a classic mid life crisis. A propos of not much, DH decides that he needs a new hobby in which our DS, aged 6, might eventually be interested. I indulged him in getting motorbike lessons, thinking that we wouldn't go and buy a bike. I was wrong, he did and without consulting me or asking me about use of funds. We are both working but DH is having a tricky time at work and it could all go pear shaped. Naturally we have a big mortgage, plenty of outgoings, 2 DC. DH is 45 with plenty of grey hair and an otherwise generally sensible approach to life.

[sashh]

travailtotravel

You have my deepest sympathy.

OP

This is no what you want to hear but I think the little imps start at about 6

www.impsonline.com/

Go get yourself some leathers and some lessons. I did a 1 week course and passed.

[frikonastick]

Even of you DO have the money, surely such a large purchase would be something you would expect your partner to discuss with you?!?

For me this issue would be less about the amount, more the whole what the actual fuck about having a conversation and joint discussion.

Am willing to bet that the OP has never in their married life trotted off and dropped 5k on anything, so why on earth would it be ok for the DH to do so?

And not wanting to discuss it in case he got 'hassle' is the behavior of a child, not a grown man with kids and a mortgage.

[StuntGirl]

If £5k is a significant sum of money to your family he was bang out of order to spend it without consulting you. I would be livid.

[travailtotravel]

Ach, my DH is buying a harley this weekend. such a cliche

But I know about it and its taken him 2 years to beat me down.
If I had done it out of our money without talking to me first, I would be out of the door and serving papers. He knows that.

[QuintEggSensuality]

How did you conclude that taking motorbiking lessons would NOT conclude with him buying safety gear and a bike?

Dh rides a motorbike. Fantastically economical to run compared to a car, so the good news is that you will save money on petrol as he can use the bike for commuting to work, saving you both time and money. I think mostly parking for motorbikes is free.

[WMittens]

I indulged him in getting motorbike lessons, thinking that we wouldn't go and buy a bike. I was wrong, he did...

I'm sorry, but what made you think getting lessons would be the end of it? Do people have driving lessons so they can get a little pink card and only ever travel by bus or taxi? Does a student get a medical degree so they can go on to a career selling double glazing?

[Xales]

Not very good if you don't have that sort of cash spare to do without talking with your partner.

I am a fair weather biker now, I am waiting for it to get a little warmer! I remember the nights sitting in the bath trying to warm my thighs before going to bed!

Cheaper than an affair/divorce though

[Alligatorpie]

A friend of my mom's dh did the same thing, and came hime with a bike one day. She went out and bought herself a $10 000 diamond ring to make it equal, but, they could afford it.

I would pissed at dh. That's too muh money for one person to spend without talking it over first.

[Pantah630]

Lol, bet he's riding to the local cafe and sitting with a hot drink until it looks like he's been gone long enough.

I'm in the bath as I'm fed up with the cold in my bones, it's a hard life being a Biker, wouldn't have it any other way though sorry.

[Fulhamup]

Actually I insisted that he took it out in daylight today and will carry on insisting that he takes the f***g thing out every day until he gets bored and cold.

[Pantah630]

I'd have said micra but didn't want to upset him unnecessarily

[Fulhamup]

No, not born again, no experience at all other than a short teenage flirt with a moped.

[Pantah630]

And treat yourself and DS to a holiday while he's at it

[Fulhamup]

Pantah, I am impressed by your expertise. I am informed by DH that this bike is the equivalent of a Ford Mondeo. So that's alright then!

[Pantah630]

Yes advanced training is preferable, especially for born agains, I'm assuming he rode in his youth. The brakes are the biggest difference, they work now, sometimes too well. The best thing is lots of experience though, send him on a round Britain ride with your blessing, he'll come home either loving it or never want to sit on a bike again.

[Salmotrutta]

LOL@ "brief chat beforehand"

[YellowandGreenandRedandBlue]

I'd be livid, you don't spend £5k without a brief chat beforehand!

[Pantah630]

paradise and fulhamup read TDM slowly under your breath, sound the m as in umm not em. I'd be a lot more concerned if a novice was jumping on a Gixer6 or other sports bike. They are the sure and steady workhorse of sensible touring riders and commuters.

[ParadiseChick]

It doesn't have to be a dangerous pastime.

Helpful or not, it's a hell of a lot of engine between inexperienced legs.

[Fulhamup]

ParadiseChick, I thought that but I frankly have no idea about bikes. The one plus point is a promise to go an advanced bike course. Is that helpful?

I am horrified about the suggestion to get DS interested in dangerous pastime but at this rate we are going to be divorced before DS gets to age 17.

[Fulhamup]

Thanks for that Pantah, bike was £3,500. I am now even crosser.

[Itsjustafleshwound]

But then if he did ask, he would either have received 'no' as an answer or a grudging 'yes' with lots of privisos and grief.

He has just done a shorthand version. It is unfair, it is unreasonable, but then perhaps there needs to be your shorthand to get him to acknowledge that it was wrong and how to deal with his anxiety.

[ParadiseChick]

Idiot. That bike is way to big for someone with all the gear and no idea.

[Pantah630]

He could have bought a TDM850 for less than a grand and had lots of change from another grand with his gear and insurance. Silly man. I'm a biker and unless my DH, DS or myself had scored a 750 sport, in yellow for that price would never happen, they're a classic I'd be up the wall with spending that sort of money, DH is tighter than me mind.

Therefore YANBU at all. :)

[ooer]

YANBU at all.

Plus I'm by the bit about the 6 yr old DS potentially having an interest in this hobby later on. I can't think of anything I would less like my DSs to do when they are older [sorry all you bikers out there] , I would spend a lot of money and ingenuity just to keep them off motorbikes! Too bleddy dangerous. And I say this as an erstwhile biker's moll.

But £5k I would be livid.