Are SAHMS discriminated against. Red magazine are doing an article about it.

[Darkesteyes]

Just seen this on twitter.

Are stay at home mums discriminated against? Are you one and unhappy with benefits, or feel judged? Tell us.
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As I said, people don't work for the economy. They work for themselves. Dh shares childcare with me. I know other men who stay at home full-time, because their wife is the higher earner. I suspect it doesn't matter what I say because rather than this being a genuine discussion about the discrimination faced by sahps, it has become dominated by people justifying their decision to go out and work using the current economic climate to beat sahps with.

And extended breast feeding rates might be low but people do do it. Me. Hence another reason for dh to do less of childcare. But also because he earns more. But most people earning what dh earns would say they couldn't afford to work part-time... We just spend less. Why not stop non means-tested fuel payments to pensioners, and support families? All families? They are the future...

happynappies was it not you that said the ecconomy isnt the be all and end all? So if you don't work to contribute to the economy or even consider the impact, does that mean you don't care whether you DCs will be able to gain employment in the future?

SAHP are not discriminated against although reading some of the comments I believe some would like to think they are. Martyrdom!

merrymouse I asked a similar question earlier. I am also wondering isn't it a family decision who becomes a SAHP? Therefore it's the family choice that the woman stays at home long term rather than the man.

But why aren't more women earning more?

I am sure that there are many individual cases where it makes more sense for the mother than the father to leave her career to look after children. However, there is no good reason for the subject of post maternity leave childcare to revolve so overwhelmingly around women.

I do work, but not to contribute to the economy. Like most people I work to pay for food for my children, and all the things they need. We contribute. I have paid taxes on my salary for 17 years, dh pays taxes. We just choose to provide our own childcare. No honest parent would agree that the economy is the be all and end all? Surely?

You didn't respond about men who stay at home. Are they lazy, lacking drive and ambition too? Why should two parents earning and paying for childcare be the way it's got to be 'for the economy' when the sums don't add up?

Merrymouse. There are highly paid positions out there. The question is are men willing to sacrifice more than women (time with family / friends etc)? Not saying I believe thats true. The general rule is, the more you earn, the higher the employers expectations, the more pressure and longer hours.

happynappies you didn't answer my question. If you believe as written "No honest parent would agree that the economy is the be all and end all? Surely?". Does that mean you are not bothered whether your DC will be able to gain employment in the future?

Are they lazy, lacking drive and ambition too

Where did I say this about women? Or are you just making it up?

Very few men are at home though.

My point is that debates about childcare should be about childcare, not women. The phrases 'working mother' or 'Sahm' or (thankfully less used now) 'career woman' shouldn't exist.

Oh they are discriminated against going by some of the appalling opinions on here.Clearly mothers who work judge sahp as do the gov who are penalising sah families unfairly. They can't even see the economy as an excuse as posters have illustrated.On 1 income a family gives in more and takes out less than 2 on the same and crucially their children are happy and their family life isn't based on too much stress and not enough time.

You know this debate is back to front.It should be addressed from the needs of children,all of them, first.As parents we chose to bring them into the world and they should be the priority above and beyond everything else.

It is so utterly depressing how the needs of children factor so little in a discussion based on them,it's like they're just a big inconvenience and a side issue.

Yes they are very few. But surely if the families wanted more SAHD then this would be agreed between them. So it's not a society issue. It's a family choice who stays at home full/part time. Other families manage it.

So the question is why do families choose for the woman to sat at home (outside initial bf feeding, recovery etc.).

There is a discussion ongoing about this....www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1719273-AIBU-Why-do-we-not-have-more-SAHDs

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1719273-AIBU-Why-do-we-not-have-more-SAHDs

Because women want it more.They want to actually be with their dc when tiny,dads don't have the same urge imvho. Quality of care is an issue but actually physically being with your tiny ones is an equal one.

As I said before my sister is the main breadwinner but I know she hates being in that position.She'd have given anything to be at home in those early years.Many working women would rather be at home but this is swept under the carpet by the gov,working mums who want to work and the mums themselves who have no choice.

Our society and gov should be helping these families.

Anyhow I'm off egg hunting with the dc.

Kazoo, so how does the Gov do this bearing in mind the current deficit? Without a doubt policies will be dictated by the deficit for at least the next 10 years.

Enjoy the hunt..

littlechickpea, I am contributing to the economy indirectly as I'm enabling my DP to work in a role that requires a lot more commitment than 9-5. As I said he is an Architect and works for a big company. Obviously, a huge amount of people benefit from their contracts- builders, engineers, building material suppliers etc. He has no choice but to work way beyond contractual hours and has to do some 'social' stuff out of the office to help in winning contracts. There is no way he can start doing 50/50 with childcare, which is what it would mean if I returned to work. Do you know how many people are willing to jump in his place, especially at the practice he works for. They recently had a memo about how it wasn't good for business for people to only work contractual hours. Indeed, they are always making people redundant so the pressure is on to prove that you're contributing a lot to the business.

My SIL is also enabling my brother to perform in a job in the same way. There is lots of work generated from his role that creates endless jobs and he pays 50% tax!

There is societal pressure though.

Men just don't beat themselves up about their parenting in the same way that women do, because, culturally, it has only been in the last 20 years or so that childcare has been seen as anything other than a uniquely female responsibility. Maternity leave did not exist when I was born.

It was shameful when my grandmother had to go out to work.

Now, there is no reason why men should not look after their children and women (in a world where childcare responsibility was shared) could be atleast as successful as men in the work place. However, society (and writers of opinion pieces) haven't caught up with this yet.

Goldenbear your DH would be doing those hours regardless of whether you worked Or stayed at home because you could have childcre. Currently his contributing financially and you are not because you don't work. If you both worked then you would be contributing and increasing employment requirements because of the child carE needs at a minimum.

Now not saying what you are doing is right or wrong but I am saying you are not contributing financially to the economy.

BTW, my DF and I (both MDs for different companies) work long hours in high pressure roles and we too support each other and manage to organise things round family and work.

littlechickpea, you talk about BFing as if it's an insignificant aspect of a family's decision but don't you think it is a practical consideration? I have only just stopped BFing and my DD is 2 today.

I hate predictive text....

Golden, my ds is 2 on Monday and I'm still breast feeding

Where did you get that from Goldenbear or are you putting words into my mouth as we all you know you have a tendency to do.

littlechickpea, I beg to differ- no he wouldn't be doing those hours anyway unless you have found nursery care or even child minders' that work beyond 6 in the first instance and 7 with CMs. If I was to return to work, the role I had was in Whitehall- I live an hour and half commute away, door to door, how would my DP fulfill his share of pick ups?

So you're both MDs and you work that successfully around your children? Well I suspect you can afford a nanny?

ihategeorgeosborne, yes I didn't intend to do it this long but it is rather convenient!

Goldenbear you are a bitter woman with a huge chip on your shoulder. You have continually vanged on about your DH high income role and private investor backers knocking down your door for HR advice and you talk to me about nannies.

I have said it before I can't take you seriously. So bearing that in mind, I will attempt to stop debating with you again.