To ask for TMI Log related help. Not for faint hearted

[MyFloatingShame]

I have nced for this I am a regular though and not a poo troll

I have gone to the loo and blocked it with the most enormous log

It didn't flush so I left the cistern to re-fill (keep a sharp ear out for DH in case I needed to intercept him) gone back, flushed again and it is still lurking, bobbing about half in and half out of the water like a malevolent, fecal Nessie.

I broke the fecker in two with the plunger and put some loo roll on it but it still won't go. (It put up a fight too, at one point I thought it might climb out and attack me)

I have never pooed in front of DH in the 15+ years we have been together and I can't ask him for help.

What can I do?? What will make it go away? I am so embarrassed. Help.

Our cistern is really slow to re-fill and it's a tiny tank and a narrow loo IYSWIM. What can I do?

We don't have a loo brush (dirty and not MN approved) so my only weapon is the plunger

Sorry

you need a KNIFE

I have zero help for you, I'm sorry

lol boys has it

cut the fucker up

Scissors? My sister did this once at a boyfriends house

Sorry OP but

I've done this before. Dyno Rod. £75. That was pre-Mumsnet though - I'm sure someone will be along shortly with a miracle fix!

You also need a bucket of warm water, flush as normal then immediately pour the water quickly but carefully from standing height.

Bucket of water down the loo should help tofush with more volume. Repeat as necessary.

Bucket of water down the loo instead of waiting for cistern to fill?

Vinegar apparently - lots of it and leave to soak. (I should add that I've heard this but never actually tried it.)

Good luck.

Manhandle it with a wire coat hanger - the only constructive use for them.

Are you serious?

And if you really can't tell dh make up some reason you are still in there to buy you some time to concentrate. Maybe a face mask or period related or something.

I'm a fan of the wire hanger myself. But as you have already done battle with the plunger, it may be time to put some washing powder down.

chuck loads of hot water down the toilet then flush, it will go away then I promise xx

Or get some rubber gloves and a couple of carrier bags, if it really won't go downt then it will have to come up!

Right I am going to attack it with a knife and the pour a bucket of warm water over it.

I am serious

If that thing gets out to sea in one piece, there could be an accident

I am so glad I name changed

get a huge bucket and manually refill the bowl

Don't use a kettle of boiling water. Didn't someone on here try that and end up getting pop on the kettle, or have I misremembered?

get an old utencil and cut it up, had to do this when my 10yr old ds did the most enormous poo the other day, used a old plastic spatchler and chucked it away afterwards!

Unravel a metal hanger and ram the hook repeatedly and vigorously into the offending poo and up the u-bend.

Nope, I have never, ever had this problem

Let it soak and keep flushing. I'm pretty sure your DH is aware that shit comes out of your anus. Fact of life.

"Malevolent Faecal Nessie"

that is genius

I wish I could blame someone else but there's only the two of us in.

And it's bigger than the cats :(

Right. A knife and a bucket.........wish me luck

Haven't we had something like this before? Op then did another thread asking if we would throw away a kettle that had been splashed with poo

Hot water. Lots of it. From a great height.