To ask for TMI Log related help. Not for faint hearted

[MyFloatingShame]

I have nced for this I am a regular though and not a poo troll

I have gone to the loo and blocked it with the most enormous log

It didn't flush so I left the cistern to re-fill (keep a sharp ear out for DH in case I needed to intercept him) gone back, flushed again and it is still lurking, bobbing about half in and half out of the water like a malevolent, fecal Nessie.

I broke the fecker in two with the plunger and put some loo roll on it but it still won't go. (It put up a fight too, at one point I thought it might climb out and attack me)

I have never pooed in front of DH in the 15+ years we have been together and I can't ask him for help.

What can I do?? What will make it go away? I am so embarrassed. Help.

Our cistern is really slow to re-fill and it's a tiny tank and a narrow loo IYSWIM. What can I do?

We don't have a loo brush (dirty and not MN approved) so my only weapon is the plunger

Sorry

Bigger than the cats (and there's a clue to my identity there)

Chairman I did have to breathe it out

zeeboo luckily he was engrossed in a pc game so didn't notice my odd behaviour

Am I the only one wondering why OP threw away the bucket?? Knife fair enough, but why chuck the bucket?

It was tainted by association

I wanted no witnesses or reminders

I just want to thank you OP, whoever you are.

You have cheered me right up!

Has it gone yet?

Loving this thread! Coat hanger prodder here

Love this thread

BTW the correct term for the implement you wanted is 'poo horn', OP. According to the Profanisaurus, that's any household toll utilised in disposing of overlarge turds eg egg whisk, spatula, carving knife or coathanger.

I reckon I know who the OP is