To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

You also need to stand up to people and half the time they back down. When I had low paid jobs as a student there were 2 occasions where I felt I was exploited. I just went to see the management and told them, quite politely but firmly,that I wasn't doing it. Both times they stopped doing it. Maybe I was just lucky but they sure would have kept on doing it if I had just kept quiet.

Well you're among a small handfull of people who hasn't tried to state that feminism is balanced, so that's something, most fall over themselves to state it's about equality. DV is a class issue, if we're talking about who commits the most DV. This does not mean that it doesn't happen within higher/middle classes...just to a lesser extent.

It's not a statistic, btw, it's a report with actual figures from the home office. So the Home Office is the source. Which is a balanced source.

My 23yr old nephew has just managed to get out of an abusive relationship with a woman with mental problems. It wasn't easy because he thought he could help-unfortunately it was with a great cost to his mental health -and once he was strong enough to make the break he was a different person.
I think the problem with the abusive women is a largely hidden one-most men wouldn't admit to it.

Of course feminism isn't about starting from a position of equality. It's about resisting patriarchy which causes inequality and oppression. Equality between the sexes is the ultimate goal but no feminist campaign is going to seek to argue for the position of men. When people whine that a feminist campaign doesn't include men - well that's the point! The statistics you refer to are reported crime aren't they? That does not reflect the repeated nature of the abuse women suffer. Most victims are women. Most abusers are men. It staggers me frankly that women would in any way wish to defend male abuse of power.

I just don't see why we have to assume that all men abuse power-when we know lots that don't.

'Of course feminism isn't about starting from a position of equality'

Not what I said.

some info for you

Includes the home office link.

Most interesting link-the abuse of men was much higher than I thought-showing that it is a hidden problem not talked about.

'Most victims are women. Most abusers are men.'

Utter bollocks. Here, in the UK, that is utter bollocks. As evidenced by factual reports.

I am really struggle to believe that as many men are abused as women.

Are as many men killed by their partner/ex partner as women are by their partner/ex partner?

I really don't think so.

Obviously abuse doesn't always result in death. However this would be a clear factor in determining one form of abuse and you cannot argue with these facts.
Sadly this has reminded me of a friend whose mother was murdered by her step father. It was pre-meditated and he only served a total of 10 years in prison.
As a child I remember a female neighbour being murdered by her husband, their 2 children were asleep in bed.

I personally do not know of the reverse situation, ie female violence against males, although I am not saying it doesn't happen at all.

From that report by the ONS linked above - "more women are likely to be victims of domestic abuse".

Plus, if men are reporting domestic abuse, it's not a secret, or unknown, is it?

Almost as many men are abused by women as women are abused by men.

We are fed the lie that women cannot abuse, and that women are always the victim. This does a huge disservice to society in general. This means that men (our sons/brothers etc) could be abused but it won't be taken seriously, this is a huge cause for concern to me as a mother of DS's. Amongst many other things..

Anyway, I'm getting a little tired of banging this drum, I appear to be on my own when it comes to this subject..it gets wearing.

Well I'm sure Womens Aid would be pleased to know that statement was bollocks. Weight off their minds for sure

No actually you know what is bollocks? The way feminism and feminist campaigning is undermined by women who are so scared of offending men that they do their abusive work for them. (Which is exactly what this thread was orginally about too) By denying that a situation even exists. The majority of abuse in relationships is committed by men against women. Women are far more likely than men to also be emotionally and financially abused. Women are murdered by men. In their own homes by the people they trusted. It almost baffles me as to why this situation does not terrify and enrage every single woman in this country. But it doesn't does it? We have all the crap of 'that happens to other women'. Women who are too shrill, too bossy, too sexually available, not sexually available enough, women who don't leave, women who do leave, taking kids with them, women who earn too much, women who don't earn enough. On and on and for every case like Carmen Buchacra you will have women standing up for the men involved. Failing to see that it wasn't just a matter of him and her. Violence in the home isn't only felt there. It ripples right through society.

Sigmund-How many men do you know who were murdered by their partner?

It is a very simple question.

Oh I have thought of another woman, killed by her boyfriend she lived near a friend of mine. Her violent boyfriend also killed her daughter and thought he had killed her other child too, except they survived and lived to tell the tale.

Yet I do not know of any man killed in this way.

Yet you still keep on insisting that violence is committed equally by both sexes.

Women's Aid, whilst I'm sure are doing great things for women who need help, are very biased, to put it mildly. If you asked a Mormon preacher to consider an athiest's pov, you'd expect to get short shrift wouldn't you.

Yeah,yeah, I'm scared of offending men etc.

I doubt you have a single original, unscripted thought in your head. You are scared of offending women, why else would you refuse to accept that women are not perpetual victims. You do women no favours whatsoever. I'm no victim.

Seeker, I know exactly what you mean. The emotion work is for me totally entwined with how our society defines "female". We can be strong, independent, self-sufficient, but we've got to be perceptive, caring, supportive, accommodating, and upwards on the scale to full ego-stroking. My DH is not too bad, but six days out of seven a week he comes back from work (and we do the same job!) and starts the song with the "oh work is shit . . . this colleague is a bastard . . ." refrain. And I am supposed to listen to it. I usually roll my eyes and run for the hills, but it does not seem to deter him in the slightest.

www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/

www.unwomen.org/2013/03/un-women-urges-implementation-of-historic-global-agreement-to-end-violence-against-women-and-girls/

simplesusan - I don't know exactly how many men were murdered by their partner. I never said it was a difficult question.

I, in fact do know of a man who was killed by his female partner. I also know of a woman who was killed by her male partner.

I'm not sure what the point of this is.

I never said it was committed equally. I said that the percentage (as evidenced above) of DV was 40/60.

Saying that women are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse and are also more likely to be killed by their partner more ex partner is simply stating the truth.

I'm not making that up, it's from the ONS report on crime linked above.

I'm fairly sure (although may be wrong) that the ONS isn't exclusively staffed by radical feminists.

Isn't it shocking, that despite DV being 40/60, the HO dedicates a space to women/girls and not men? I find that quite shocking.

Yeah goodluck with getting that changed *SigmundFraude". YOU WON'T.

This is not because there is never any violence by women against men it because the 60/40 does not tell the story in terms of:

seriousness of attacks/length of time abuse has been going on/spurious reports by men once police have been called/the power imbalance between mean and women

Do you know what I was feeling a bit down about this thread but actually you've changed my mindset. I am so glad to live in a country where there at least is a HO campaign against VAWG.

Thank you to all my feminist forebares who overcame the arguments of those who came before SigmundFraude!

lovely typo there mean = men

simplesusan

NCDV has the number of men killed by their partners as 1 every three weeks

Half way down the first paragraph

Yes I know that its not the on average 2 women per week.

I see me and my friends/ family/ colleagues every day taking on the emotional and decision making responsibility for their family unit. It's on mumsnet every day. How many male dominated forums have 'what's for tea?' threads, organising Christmas threads, discussions on how to juggle work with after school clubs and looking after the house? How many men plan, buy and cook the bulk of the meals in their homes? How many men take responsibility for packing for a holiday, organising a child's tea party, knowing all the family birthdays? Is it really 50/50?

Why when lots of men don't do this do we look to the women to say they are infantilising these men so they don't feel empowered to say, organise a playdate? Why would a woman want to be 'queen of the kitchen' or 'lead parent' when we as a society don't value these roles anyway? Surely such a ball breaker should be putting her effort into being a high court judge or something?

'Do you know what I was feeling a bit down about this thread but actually you've changed my mindset'

Of course you've changed it, most people don't have the presence of mind to do any different. I would be very surprised if you had examined my point of view, despite the fact that I was merely pointing out than men experience DV.

Most women long to fit in (with other women) and on here the posters are predominately women, a lot are feminists, and feminists are more than adept than most at ensuring that we know what we need to do to fit in.