To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

There no such thing as sisterhood,it's social construct to keep us distracted and in our place
And that place is apparently thinking about women's issues and assumption we is all sisters
It's like when women are presumed to want to talk about women issues,as opposed to umm other issues

Oh really, scottishmummy? Well, we women are at a disadvantage then, aren't we, as there is certainly a "boys' club" mentality. I've seen many examples of 'look after the boys' from school through to working life. If we don't have a 'sisterhood' or any concept of that then I guess we're destined to impotently blethering on a chatboard.

On your point regarding women's issues, I haven't come across that. I work in a male dominated discipline and the work issues are thankfully gender-less.
The only place that I see discussion of typically 'womens' issues' is here on MN (I don't go on other chatboards).

I wonder about class being more of an issue than gender tbh.

Sisterhoods is flawed premise,based on apparent kinship based upon gender
Not all men get each other simply by gender,not and not all women get each other by gender
Class,education,politics are factors in whether or not I concur.not necessarily gender

Boney you're right. I didn't explicitly add that you said she was abusive towards him. The abuse that consisted of the text messages, some 'intellectual belittling' and some jealousy of his ex. That's reasonable provocation for a prolonged murderous attack is it? An attack he followed up with text messages designed to give the impression that she was ok and hadn't just been killed in her own home.

Well if I'd only included that - gives a different picture does it?

I don't personally know any women who are oppressed' - I bet you do. Know anybody whose boyfriend influences who they see and when? Know anybody who has been raped within a relationship? Know anybody who has come home from work in distress because of how they've been treated and they were treated that way because they are a woman?

To be perfectly honest -no I don't. I admit that I am an intelligent woman living in what you would term a 'nice' area and am somewhat sheltered.

'I wonder about class being more of an issue than gender tbh.'

Yes, that's exactly it. Most feminist issues are class issues. DV is a class issue, for example, this was reported on by the home office.

There is no lower status than a homeless male in the UK.

I still think that if you are to help others you have to have liberated yourself first. People do as you do, they don't say 'I will do as she says', knowing perfectly well that you haven't done it yourself.

If ever you have people who go into schools to talk about issues-it is always someone who has been there and come out the other side -they are the ones with experience who are listened to-mainly with how they got out and changed. It is no help at all to say 'I am in this situation-don't do it'-far too wishy washy.

Northern again you are only putting a part of the picture forward and twisting that to your own ends.

NB. I don't agree with what he did, and I don't have all of the evidence so I am not going to comment on the sentence. But part stories really get my goat.

I totally agree with Lying here...especially her post at 15:26:47

You can generally tell from the start. When I met DH and cooked him a meal for the first time he washed up. I took him to my mother's for a meal and he went to wash up-she is a good cook but she never washes up as she goes along and it horrendous! He has been washing up after her for over 20 years now. If he hadn't offered the first time I would have given him a tea towel and said 'I'll wash and you can dry'. He has never changed since-but there wouldn't be an option. Had he expected it all done for him then we would have parted company long ago. I have never done more than my fair share-I grew up with brothers and we had a strict rota-no way would I have done more than them -not that it was ever suggested I should.

Twisting the picture? What you mean like the Defence in the case were required to do? I've put everything I've read in the public domain in that last post actually. If there's more out there I haven't read it - and so what if there is. What excuses him killing her? What excuses him being so much in control of himself that he switched weapon AND sent texts designed to confuse afterwards.

Exotic and sigmund - you need to take a look at this campaign, Domestic violence occurs to all agres of women and women in all classes. Being educated and living in a naice area are no defence.

No-it isn't-but I still don't personally know any.

seeker - YANBU - I like your phrase "emotion keepers"

I think this is an interesting area to discuss. But maybe not in AIBU...

Did you ever see the cognative dissonance threads in FWR a few year back?

Here's an example from my life from years ago from now MIL. Now DH (then boyfriend )was off to the other side of the world for a few weeks. We're all at the airport saying goodbye to him. Bit tearful (not weeping and wailing) she says "You. Don't. Show. The. Menfolk. You're. Upset"

btw NorthernLurker for making time to talk sense about that hideous court case from the other day - a good example really of applying different standards between men and women.

Also of course what the judge said about Vicky Price. - real double standard applied their by the judge

exoticfruits - do you accept that you are very likely statistically speaking to know of women experiencing DV and that have experienced rape?

NorthernLurker

"What you mean like the Defence in the case were required to do?"

Do you have evidence for this or is it supposition?

I don't excuse his actions, I believe that they are wrong.

I've been reading and nodding along with your posts NorthernLurker

I think there's still a huge lack of understanding around DV (which we all, I hope, know means more than just physical violence). It's not just a "lower class" problem.

Evidence for what? I am not disputing that she sent him abusive text messages or threatened to leave him. I am disputing that those incidents or the previous difficulties in the relationship in any way jutify, explain or excuse him returning to the house and making a prolonged and murderous assault on her. Given that he's been found guilty of manslaughter not murder and he got 7 years for that crime I think that's evidence enough that his Defence involved some twisting of the situation to show in his favour.

Exotic - unless you have a very small and very lucky circle of acquaintence then you do know women who are being or have been abused actually. You just don't know about it. Scary isn't it? Because you don't 'just know' when you meet somebody. Why would all these women become involved in violent and abusive relationships?

'Exotic and sigmund - you need to take a look at this campaign, Domestic violence occurs to all agres of women and women in all classes. Being educated and living in a naice area are no defence.'

So the latest Home Office report stating that DV is primarily affects the lower class isn't true? I didn't say it ONLY affected the lower classes. If I'm looking at a DV campaign I need to see a balanced one. As most people know (or at least SHOULD know) DV affects men, with 40% of all cases being men. I didn't see the other half of the population in the campaign you linked to, so afaik, that is not a balanced DV campaign.

Northern
I agree that they don't excuse him. But we don't know all the evidence, nor that the defence twisted anything. We just know what has been put in the papers.

No it's no 'balanced'. It's a feminist campaign, standing up for the rights of women not be abused at the hands of men. How would you like it to be balanced? What's the source for your statistic btw?
You said DV was a class issue. It isn't.

Of course it is across the board-but I am older than average and know a lot of divorced women who have got out. They haven't stayed even a woman who was born in India who came over with her Indian husband-she waited until the youngest was 18yrs and it meant that she was ostracised by all her family but she left and got divorced. She was a teacher, able to earn her own living-no woman needs a meal ticket these days.
DS had a flat mate who irritated him to death-terribly messy and he was going to ask him to leave when he moved out to live with his girlfriend-you would hope that the girlfriend gave him the 'heave ho' after 2 weeks.(probably didn't and will end up with 2 children and moaning about him)
Parents also need to train early. I am amazed by the number who do everything for their children-10 year olds that are not allowed to use kettles and sharp knives when they are perfectly capable of cooking the dinner. They are not suddenly going to do these things-they need to be trained-and it isn't the mother's job-the father can just as easily teach them.

The 40% statistic is from the British Crime Survey and Home Office statistical bulletins