To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

When men are responsible for packing for holidays, getting the tea, organising Christmas etc they are not on Internet forums discussing it - I never go on them myself- they are deadly boring.. AutumnMadness- people generally talk about their day. If you are not remotely interested why are you with him? If I have a bad day I come home and unload - so do all my female friends.
The only times I have had to stand up for myself at work it has been a woman boss.

Lapsus you and me both.

What emotional work are you doing by rolling eyes,thinking here we go and ignoring?
Frankly if your dh gets on your wick that much you two have problems
Mutually supportive couples don't roll eyes and think oh not again

bloody hell that's the most lucid post I've read from scottishmummy for years

If that's aimed at me you're on the wrong track there, I'm single. The only person I get to roll eyes at is the cat .

Keep up

I think it was to AutumnMadness Sun 24-Mar-13 20:13:37

but scottish mummy doesn't approve of bolding etc nor creepy wee brackets/strikeouts etc

Some women just enjoy getting ready for Christmas- come August they will start threads- my only contribution is to say 'good god - it is months away' - I don't know how you stop them!

And some women skivvy about like blue arsed flies,then moan so hard done to
Ok,so stop buying your dp pants,if there a party due do let dp buy and wrap a present
Some of the posts of long lists of inane tasks on mn, read and think no sympathy you're got busy bum

Lapsus - count me in to the too.

Have to say I've had a huge at Women's Aid being biased. That's right - all that work helping women escape abuse has led them to the bias conclusion there's a fair bit of violence against women in our society. Really?

but its ok for women to be chatty about things like 'what's for dinner' isn't it?

This thread is all over the place, i'm not really sure what the prevailing argument is.

emotionally - dh buys and sends his family birthday cards. when he forgets MIL blames me. :)

DH does put me in position of parent. If he doesn't take reposability for issues which he has personally, that affect me.

Women appear to be making themselves such victims! AutumnMadness is infantilising herself by rolling eyes at moans about work. Why not communicate properly? If you really don't want to know, or think he is exaggerating why not sit him down and say so? If you couldn't care less why stay with him. If you don't want to organise play dates or buy his mother a card then why not share it out? Communicate.

The prevailing argument is that you can't have a blanket 'all' men, in the same way that you can't have a blanket 'all' women. In this day and age you don't have to put up with sexist behaviour in your own home.

I've just read your opinion on my whole relationship based on a few lines that I DID find amusing, Chandon, along with my tale of always seeing to the baby at meal times.

My DP is a dick at times, as am I. And?

I am not attempting to make light of a situation that's in need of your pity or advice.

If/ when I require you to advise me on where my life is going wrong, I will start a thread and ask for advice.

In response to the people who are wondering why I am either a) a selfish unsupportive harrigan or b) married to the wrong man:

1. My husband does have some good qualities that make him rather endearing to me. I generally do not talk about them here because they do not an interesting story make. (or would you like to hear about it?)

1. I used to, and still do on a regular basis, listen to his daily moan. But hearing it nearly every day for years does get a bit tiring. So yes, I do roll my eyes. Quite openly. I refuse to be used as a hankie for all the negativity. I am always supportive in cases of serious problems. It is the expectation that I will be the mummy to soak up all the overblown frustrations resulting from the daily nonsense that everybody experiences that drives me crazy. I repeat - my DH and I work in the same place doing exactly the same job. Why is it that I do not feel the need to bitch about work every single night to my DH as a captive audience?

Don't take me wrong, I love my husband. But the example I gave is just a small tiny bit of the emotional work that women are expected to perform. The popular reaction to the ASDA/Morrisons adverts this Christmas just proves this point.

The thing that I find incredibly interesting is that there are so many people on this thread crying "it's the women's fault for taking all these responsibilities onto themselves and excluding men!" However, when I post (and not just on this thread) examples of how I actively refuse this total responsibility and try to include my DH into the traditionally female world in my daily live, I am regularly accused of being uncaring and/or married to the wrong man. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Classic feminist issue.

"Women appear to be making themselves such victims! AutumnMadness is infantilising herself by rolling eyes at moans about work. Why not communicate properly? If you really don't want to know, or think he is exaggerating why not sit him down and say so?"

exoticfruits, do you really think I am a total muppet and have not tried sitting down and talking?

"my DH and I work in the same place doing exactly the same job. Why is it that I do not feel the need to bitch about work every single night to my DH as a captive audience?"

For one of my many jobs I used to do workplace surveys. For one of these I was surveying a bank, I found that the female counterstaff were generally happier than the male counterstaff, on spending sometime observing them I saw that agressive people with a problem went to the male staff.

Just because its the same job doesn't mean that it has the same problems or issues.

I moan about my job to my DH - often. Never as much as when I had a bullying female boss though He listens to me and empathises as I do when he has a problem - where is the issue with this? I would never roll my eyes at him because I am not an ignorant twat.

countrykitten, yes, I know, I AM an ignorant twat for refusing to spend nearly every evening of my life empathising with yet another (read "same") disaster that happened to my DH at work. Any woman who refuses to perform pointless emotional work and wipe men's snot like they were toddlers is of course an ignorant twat.

I am truly amazed what people here read into my words. Where did I say that I was unsupportive or unwilling to listen when it actually came to real problems? I am a supportive wife, not a mother to my husband.

BoneyBackJefferson, I have a bit of a theory why men may not be as happy as women in the workplace (at least in mine) - While women generally support each other, build social networks/capital, and see each other as collaborators, men are too busy competing and regarding each other with suspicion.

Simple solution - don't have a man in the house
Works for us!

AutumnMadness I do hope that you never need emotional support from your husband. Ah - but if he behaved like you do when he wants to speak about a problem i am guessing you would be on here moaning about him and getting everyone to say LTB.

"AutumnMadness"

In this case it wasn't the job as such, it was that people who wanted to have a go at someone would go to the male counterstaff, even to the extent of letting other people go first.

My point (although badly made) is that the same job often don't have the same issues.
The male staff got the agressive people, the female staff got sexist remarks.

Rolling your eyes is what the child does with an adult. I would stop doing it and tackle the real problem.