To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

They certainly came up with one that irritated the customers- I doubt they will repeat it next year.
Are you actually doing anything for the less fortunate women? I am involved in 2things, both of which are more practical than starting a discussion like this.

Could you be any more bumptious seeker.good job you hear to berate other women
I see you consign pov no likey to being fuck you types.presumably you are goddess giver?
Is that your subjective stance,everyone who disagrees with you doesn't give flying fuck?

Here the thing I won't be berated by a man,and I won't be berated by a woman simply for having a different online opinion

essentially this boils down to you having a huff that posters had temerity to disagree and contend your posts.despite this being premise of a discussion forum

You could have robustly argued your pov,and taken a pragmatic view unlikely we all agree but accept we all defend our individual pov

BUT you chose to go down the anyone disagreeing,not wholly embracing your pov is selfish and doesn't give a flying fuck. however, you have chosen to inflate your own pov(as in at least you give a flying fuck) and belittle any other divergent pov

at the idea of scottishmummy accusing someone of belittling other people's points of view!

Seeker,deflect it by talking about me.rather than addressypur inability to jeep calm Heid
Certainly I will vociferously argue my pov,this thread and others.that's the point
What I won't do is swear,get harrumphy and accuse others of not giving a flying fuck.unlike you

Just as you deflected the general discussion by focussing on me. Hey ho. Just carry on with the aggression and personal abuse. At least you never swear. And that's the important thing. And, as your posts are frequently barely comprehensible it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Seeker. I thought it was an interesting question that I had not really considered before. Thanks for asking it.

Having read all 15 pages I would like to thank Seeker for starting this thread.

And I am utterly gobsmacked at the lack of empathy from others on this thread - it's never happened to me so therefore it's not a real thing? Really?

I grew up in a family where my mother pussyfooted around my abusive father and managed his moods - it made me determined never to do so and has probably made me slightly arsey-er than I might otherwise have been - even now in her late 70's she makes excuses for male behaviour that she would wholeheartedly condemn should a woman do it. Just because I didn't allow it to become a pattern I followed it doesn't mean it isn't still happening and that other women are finding themselves in such situations.

Anyone who says there are no threads on MN where the OP gets told she should try harder/be nicer/be less 'selfish' toward her partner is not reading many of the same threads that I am... (note to self: spend less time on MN)

Like Custy, my DH sends his own family's cards/gifts etc - but if they don't get there on time/at all it's me that gets the blame from his family. Women are 'supposed' to do that sort of stuff, apparently . I haven't read Wifework but a lot of what's being talked about wrt it sounds horribly familiar....

Lovecat great post.

The lack of empathy and insight from some posters has really shocked me too, but I couldn't verbalise it in such an articulate way so thank you for that.

So Lovecat's post about a woman being abused was a great post.

Yet those posted about men in the same situation are met with "since when did this become about abuse"

I don't see how you could possibly infer that from what I said.

On the assumption that you're not just trying to pick a fight, compassion and empathy are not limited commodities and just because you feel them for one group does not mean you've used then up and don't feel them for another group.

If on the other hand you're just being arsey about something which I haven't actually said and don't think anyway...well I just can't be bothered.

it was said by seeker earlier in the thread.

I apologise for not making that clear.

I think I did say "since when was this thread about domestic violence"or something like that, not because the post concerned was about violence towards men but because I wasn't even thinking about domestic violence when started the thread -as I made clear.

I am well aware that men suffer domestic violence.

Individually we are responsible for our behavior and if that includes being put upon intentionally or unintentionally id still Expect that one moderate behaviour and reflect upon own actions to progress to better choices. If a person is an emotion keeper,and unhappy keeping men sweet,they need to look how they can change that situation.this will benefit them,and stop facilitation of infantaksing others.and keeping other people sweet

If someone unhappy with their lot,the change,the impetus needs to come from that person,with adequate external support,to change

Fatalistically accepting women keep men sweet,and their daughters will continue to do so in 30yr is fatalistic rot.It assumes women cannot change their lot in 30yr time.I don't accept this

Blimey SM no haiku?

I have been momentarily discombobulated.

I actually did a double take at the poster name, and went 'whaaa?'

'In this case it wasn't the job as such, it was that people who wanted to have a go at someone would go to the male counterstaff, even to the extent of letting other people go first.'
[BoneyBackJerfferson]

They went to the male counter staff because they assumed they were senior to the women and would have authority to deal with their ishoos, which were too special to be dealt with by a mere lowly member of the counter staff rank and file which is what a lot of aggressive people with ishoos think all female customer interface employees are.

Not because they enjoyed venting their rage at men, and not because they were being polite to the women.

Have seen female managers in hotels treated with incredulity when they said there was no senior manager higher than them and what could they do for Diddums and his pwoblem. Especially the case where the manager was both female and black, an unbelievable phenomenon for a lot of aggressive guests.

I had a most satisfying conversation with exMIL a few years ago.
She tried to tell me that exH (her son) had had a fling and a porn fixation because I was an inadequate wife. If I had been a better wife all would be well and he would never have been tempted. Blah blah blah. I told her about the gay porn he preferred and she almost had a heart attack right there in my kitchen. Bitch.

exH grew up in a home where it was the woman's job to pour oil on troubled waters. I don't know the full extent of the compromises she made with her conscience over her lifetime to keep on enjoying the very comfortable lifestyle she had as the wife of a successful and very well off surgeon, but I know she sent her own sister packing when she appeared on her doorstep one day crying that her H had hit her and asking for help, and I know she never made a peep when exFIL broke the leg of one of the children when spanking her.

mathanxiety

"They went to the male counter staff because they assumed they were senior to the women and would have authority to deal with their ishoos, which were too special to be dealt with by a mere lowly member of the counter staff rank and file which is what a lot of aggressive people with ishoos think all female customer interface employees are"

That is an interesting assumption.

mathanxiety that is a very stupid assumption projecting your own prejudices. What a dreadful way to view the world.

But your post did make me laugh though - was this black, female manager also disabled....? Don't believe a word of it.

I agree with you seeker.

I have a great relationship with my husband (who is not a Wanker) but when he hasn't posted a birthday card to his mum on time, I do get the twitch to fix it because that's what society expects.

I have friends whose husbands ARE wankers (imo) but don't leave because they feel like it's their fault.

I do wonder if those why deny our society is like this are deaf and blind but Ho hum, enjoy your bubble...

when he hasn't posted a birthday card to his mum on time, I do get the twitch to fix it because that's what society expects.

"Society" doesn't expect anything of the sort. You and only you are the one feeling responsible for your husband's failings. Stop it!

I don't fix it for him. I never have.

But I feel like I should, and I absolutely do believe it is society as a whole that makes women feel this way. I see it everywhere.

Have to admit that in some other origins in the world, it is true, much endeavor is still needed to change the situation.

Stop blaming "society" for your own failure to take control of your false feelings of responsibility.

""Society" doesn't expect anything of the sort"

So do you not believe that society has different expectations of men and women in general?