To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

You're not seeking pov or asking question,you're making big proclamation
You've constructed an are you're tell me...in order to pile into pro Wylie own point
It's quite a lame obvious tactic.reframe a question and summation to suit yourself to prove your own point

Men generally don't understand women-I am constantly having to say 'this is what women do' when they think me odd.

Are you expecting your DD to appease future partners and your DS to have to be appeased -and if so why?

I live with a man who's not emotionally incontinent,doesn't need me to do his emotion keeping
We don't keep each other sweet,we negotiate like adults.not revert to stereotypical roles
I don't Exoect my dc to keep people sweet.I hope they'll be balanced,sensitive adults

I know a few couples who live like this, but its usually because the woman is very weak and a doormat type, often with not many opinions. I wouldnt say its the norm in this day and age. I do agree with the op in that they shut stop doing it as they will fuck up their kids, and they will end up doing the same and be treated like shit.

I can't say I know any who live like that-because I am older, and know older people, they either sorted it to suit or got divorced.

Maybe they put up with it when younger, but you wouldn't want to do it for ever-you only get one life.

I dont know any married people that live like it just ones who are living with a boyfriend. I have talked about it with my mum and she always says some women are just very weak. I do think its true as why else would you let someone walk all over you for not much in return?

I was heartened that at the start of this thread had lots of perfectly normal women who hadn't a clue what it meant. It is 21st Century -you do not need a partner or a meal ticket!

If you're unhappy doing wifework or emotion-work you need to stop facilitating it
You can moderate your own behaviour,actions.so if youre unhappy initiate change
We all act our roles,and have habituation we re-enact.if youre happy with them,great.if not change.rather than fatalistically accept your children will be folk who are destined to be "keeping men sweet"

Do people not understand the concept of discussing a generality? Of course not every relationship is like this. Of course nobody thinks like this. But the way society perceives women in general is very different from the way many of us behave in our personal lives.

And individually our behaviours don't need to conform to stereotypical roles.we have choices
Our behaviours,the visible actions we make can demonstrate our values/ethos
I value work,I want to demonstrate work ethic to my dc.I want to demonstrate mum works and contributes to the family

We all make choices. The young women that I know would laugh at the idea they were supposed to be 'emotion keepers'-I wouldn't even mention it to my elderly mother-she would say 'don't be so wet!'
If you are not doing it with your DD I think it is very patronising to tell the rest of us to 'stop doing it' -when we didn't in the first place.
You could at least rephrase the whole thing differently from OP.

Of course we all make choices as individuals, even though we can debate the degree to which these choices are governed by social conditioning and expectations. That is the whole point of this thread - to discuss these choices. What they are, how we make them and why. Or are we only allowed to do this in private? I.e. at home, the traditional female place, and not in the public sphere.

Mn is a public forum it's hardly private wee chat amongst pals.it visible Internet
And I keep no man sweet, I do negotiate and expect dialogue mutually beneficial
Nor do I need to emotion keep(ghastly wimmin are godesses expression)

It needs good education for all girls. The ones likely to be appeasers are the ones who are insecure and who want someone to love them.
A girl who has gone onto further education and held down a career for several years is unlikely to be busy 'appeasing' partners. The mistake is to settle down too early. If you are older you have been around enough to know what you want. Since the cost of university education is so high, and the cost of living is so high, they can't settle down very young.
I made my choices and I resent people saying that I can't stay at home and be a mother. I was 38yrs when I was pregnant-I had been working since some of the young mums were toddlers-I had been there -had the career and wanted to be at home. I like knitting, gardening, cooking, sewing, small children-among other of my varied interests. I couldn't care less about expectations or social conditioning-I like it. Lots of women do. Suddenly we are all supposed to feel that it is inferior to traditional male occupations.

A perfectly sane, intelligent woman of 41yrs with a baby and toddler can choose to be at home with them and not be the 'emotional keeper' or 'a appeaser of males'.

The only ones that I know who were a bit 'wet' married young-and they divorced -very often young too.

Indeed we have choices,it not inevitable women has to keep her man sweet
fatalistic to assume women accept the keep men sweet role.don't include me in it
but if women do keep men sweet,they are facilitating it too.so need to change behaviour too

And there are still many, many men who keep their wives sweet.
Anyone who does it is facilitating their behaviour.
e.g. a friend of my mothers had parents who gave her her own way if she threw a tantrum-she had over 50 years of her DH doing the same and when she was eventually elderly and widowed and went into a care home she found it hard-for the first time ever people were not 'keeping her sweet'-needless to say she had a poor relationship with her own DD who hated growing up in a household where her mother had to be 'appeased'.

Essentially any keeping sweet(male or female) is dysfunctional
Like all stamp feetie brides who whine,demand for perfect wedding and are kept sweet
it's to do with roles,personality,experience whether or not we sweeten up folk

Still catching up with reading posts but how people can say that an Asda Xmas ad is indicative of real life is beyond me! Um I have never seen the ad but I do know that tv is not real life.

Real Life would be very strange if it was like the ads! I know that we teach DCs about them-I didn't realise that we had to educate the parents.

I believe that keeping sweet is dysfunctional.

But I also believe that it is the societal norm that women are more often expected to do this than men are.

Thankfully not all women are expected to.

But many are.

It is valid to be angry about this.

I really don't understand why some people deny it happens. Isn't it more accurate to say it does not happen to you?

I am a bit mindfucked by the lack of empathy on this thread.

I dont think getting together or married young has anything to do with it. I think if a womans a bit wet then it can be any age. I worked with a 50 year old she used to finish at 6.30 and rapidly walk home to get her dps dinner on the table as he wouldnt bother feeding their child even though he finished at 4.30 Even the 17 year old staff members thought it was bonkers.