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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at a silly comment on fb

249 replies

skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 21:35

Cut a long story short DH is in New Zealand for his sisters wedding, it's really hot there, I have SAD, love sunshine and I posted pics on fb for him to see the snow my SIL said ' and today in NZ it will be scorchio' I commented 'thanks I feel so much better now' I just think she's really insensitive. My DH said she's not and if I carry on I'll make him have a shit time.

OP posts:
Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 20:09

I'm here again, resurrecting this thread as I am well pissed off with him now.
He messaged me yesterday and asked if I would like to see his ugly mug, I said no thanks, though we have had small chats at around the same time each day.

This morning I opened fb and his sister made a comment off on Honeymoon with DH, DD and brother. He hadn't mentioned he was going, not that I suppose it matters, seen as he's on holiday anyway it's just I am hurt at his inconsideration to not mention 'oh btw I won't be contactable for a while as I'm going on Honeymoon with DS' and me not wonder why he's not around. Then I note he's mentioned to a colleague 'going round NZ for a few days' but not to me, feel excluded again, maybe he'd think I would mention money I don't know it's just riled me again.

AIBU here, should he have mentioned it do you think? It just seems odd....I just left him a message saying 'So you're going on your sisters Honeymoon???'

OP posts:
TreeLuLa · 30/03/2013 20:14

YABU.
And ridiculous to get upset at anything on Facebook.

Your comments also sound petty and immature.

Either deal with it face to face when he is home, or leave it. Passive aggressive messages on Facebook just make you look like an arse.

TheEasterQODdy · 30/03/2013 20:16

Oh dear

JammySplodger · 30/03/2013 20:16

He's going on his sister's honeymoon??? That's just odd to start with, but yes I would think most partners in 'normal' relationships would mention that sort of thing. Especially if he's going to be off the radar for a few days.

However, just a thought and I'm happy to be wrong on this ... is there a chance he was trying not to rub your nose in it, knowing you'd be missing out. And it's 'unfortunate' that you've found out by his DS's FB?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 20:21

Well I'd like to think that he didn't want to rub my nose in it but....like you say any 'normal' relation ship you'd mention it, clearly our's isn't normal!

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CandyCrushed · 30/03/2013 20:26

I don't think there was a right thing for him to do. You would have been pissed off with him regardless.

JammySplodger · 30/03/2013 20:28

I think there's a chance this is really going to chew you up over the next however long it is till he's back. Thrashing out any of this over a long distance isn't really going to work and might end up making it very much worse. Do you think it would help to message him and say 'can we have a talk when you're back, hope you have a nice rest of the holiday' and then switch off FB / e-mails etc?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 20:32

I would if I could but the temptation to see what's happening is too much.....

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bootsycollins · 30/03/2013 20:44

Hello again sky I've been wondering how you've been getting on. Are you keeping tabs on his spending? As long as he doesn't eat into your and dd's much deserved holiday fund you can't really get much more pissed off with him. Let it wash over you, wish him well even if it is through gritted teeth and get your adventure booked.

claudedebussy · 30/03/2013 20:52

i think you have to question the future of your relationship tbh. you sound so resentful and angry that i think it's eaten up any positive feelings you have for him.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 20:55

Bootsy! I just checked the prepaid card (said I was good with money!) and he hasn't spent that much, how up to date it is not sure however i would've thought that he would be spending on hotels and food, surely?
You're right I will let it wash over me, no point in getting any more upset than I already am...I need to book this holiday as the price dropped the other day, I am just holding back as I am afraid of his reaction, surely though he can't have a leg to stand on?

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 20:56

Claude.... I know, I am resentful on lots of counts....though I think I have good reason to be

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claudedebussy · 30/03/2013 20:57

yes, sounds like you have very good reason.

pigletmania · 30/03/2013 21:00

Sky sod him and his reaction, book that holiday. He is a prize wanker. He does not seem to care about you or your feelings. I would start considering a future that does not involve him

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 21:02

piglet....I don't know where to start with that one...except with the holiday! It's not in my nature to exclude him from anything but on this occasion I thin it's justified

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pigletmania · 30/03/2013 21:05

I think you should start putting yourself first, sod him he needs to learn. Really like others have said you have to think long and hard bout your relationship

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 21:07

I know....the thing is.....I have so much stuff going on in my life re work and family issues without adding to the stress of a break up, I know there's never a good time and all that but I have been there before and it was awful. We've been together about 20 years now and I just accept my lot, anything for a quiet life it's easier.

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bootsycollins · 30/03/2013 21:08

Ahhh that's good on the spending front, when is he due home?. Bollocks to his reaction get that cruise booked, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Get it booked and mention it to him when you message, if he is truly genuine he won't bat an eyelid surely. If he throws his toys out of the pram then your well within your rights to read him the riot act and really give it to him.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 30/03/2013 21:10

Not due back until 10 April, his holiday was for 3 wks 3 days? Long time isn't it? My DD is quite liking is she says the house is a lot 'calmer' they are always arguing..

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pigletmania · 30/03/2013 21:33

Well you don't have to, better being single tan treated like rubbish. Life s what you wanted I to be. He knows you won't put up a fight so continues to treat you so badly. Time to get a rcet up your bum and fire in you. mabey if you start showing what your mad if he will start to respect you more

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 21:33

Sky...he is a horrible man. Just horrible. He doesn't care about you or your daughter. Book the bloody holiday, before he spends any more of your money and go and sodding well enjoy yourself away from him.

Hide him and his family on your facebook and resist the urge to check up on them. I know you're angry about him going, I would be bloody furious under the circumstances, but you need to let it go. What's done is done, all you can do now is focus on where you go from here.

pigletmania · 30/03/2013 21:35

Meant a rocket up your bum and she him what your made of

cupcakemumma · 30/03/2013 21:43

F'king he'll. having read through some of the responses to your OP I doubt you're feeling any better about things :)

Reality is that people put gobby comments on Facebook, as well as Mumsnet and other websites. Cos in all cases they're public and people will be direct, regardless of your feelings and how well or not they know you.

SAD is shit, being in a freezing UK is shit, being on the other side of the world to your husband partying is shit and being spoken to like a piece if shit on here is, well, shit.

Yeah, your SIL could have been a bit more considerate but she's doubtfully being malicious and is just being a bit over enthusiastic.

Shame for your Husband to be feeling a bit bummed out by this Facebook thing when it's his Sister's wedding day and is nothing he's done wrong?

bootsycollins · 30/03/2013 21:45

Work and family strife is just reality, there's always something going on, never a dull moment eh?. Yeah 3 weeks 3 days is a long holiday, apart from pissed off with the selfish twat how do you feel about being apart for nearly a month?. Do you miss him or are you in dd's camp enjoying the peace without his bullshit?.

cupcakemumma · 30/03/2013 21:51

True stuff Bootsy. Strife is reality! :)

Skyblue Get the wine open and toast to three weeks peace and full control of the telly! :)