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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at a silly comment on fb

249 replies

skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 21:35

Cut a long story short DH is in New Zealand for his sisters wedding, it's really hot there, I have SAD, love sunshine and I posted pics on fb for him to see the snow my SIL said ' and today in NZ it will be scorchio' I commented 'thanks I feel so much better now' I just think she's really insensitive. My DH said she's not and if I carry on I'll make him have a shit time.

OP posts:
Original poster
skyblue11 · 24/03/2013 12:55

bootsy....he doesn't normally have a lot to do with them so he's not told them anything I'm sure.

Top and bottom is he is happy to go without me and DD, so clearly we don't mean that much to him. He knows I am upset because he knows I didn't want him to go. I also love sunshine and he knows that.

I don't really have any kind of relationship with IL's I don't like them as they disregard me and DD as being part of their family. FIL was told by DH that I felt excluded and he said 'I can see why she'd feel like that' but is happy to leave it at that.

Now I am in the wrong again with DH as he sees me as trying to make his holiday shit as I was having a bad day yesterday and was moaning about the snow, he's not the one having to walk 2 miles to work in it when I feel poorly, it's always about him.

He didn't like that fact I was annoyed at his sisters comment and I said she was stupid to be so insensitive and I was even more upset that he defended her and made out I was being harsh to her.

MIL has only phoned our house 3 times in 12 years,and that was cos she needed something, she phoned and said they had got there but spoke DD as she picked phone up. I don't want to talk to her anyway.

Feel a bit of an outsider to say the least. I haven't responded to his last fb message about making his holiday shit nor skyped I feel I might say something I will regret, I don't know how to respond right now.

OP posts:
Maryz · 24/03/2013 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bootsycollins · 24/03/2013 13:29

sky your not in the wrong, he's just trying to make you feel that you are. What a massive twat your h is putting fb status updates about another great sunny day etc then private messaging you making his holiday shit. How passive aggressive of your fil to acknowledge your feelings of exclusion then say or do fuck all to amend the situation. Bet your il's would be all over you if you won the lottery. Your il's disregard you and your dd as part of the family? Time to pull yourself up by the boot strings kid, what exactly are you getting out of this marriage? They treat you like shit and if your not in tip top health the way your h treats you definitely won't be making you feel any better.

I'd seriously be looking for a way out of this sky, for you and your dd. you need to sort the wheat out from the chaff. You shouldn't be made to feel like an outsider who doesn't matter by your 'nearest and dearest' Thanks

Original poster
skyblue11 · 24/03/2013 13:54

Maryz.....I think if I were to say that then he's just say 'oh so that's your way of getting back at me is it?'

Bootsy....I know you're exactly right, I am afraid to do what you say though secretly I want to. He has no idea how he makes me feel and if he did he wouldn't be bothered. That in itself is a reason I know, funny how what started out as a little thing has blown into this making me realise what a poor marriage I have.

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pigletmania · 24/03/2013 14:05

yes a lot to think about sky, I know that you have probably been with him a long time, but sometimes you need some perspective, things dont have to be like that. Its never too late

bootsycollins · 24/03/2013 14:09

Time to make a pros and cons list sky

Corny but true your futures in your hands.

pigletmania · 24/03/2013 14:10

how could he enjoy his holiday knowing he has a wife back home who would love to go on that holiday, what a wanker, you need to start preparing to leave him. tbh it sounds as though he would not care less, does not sound as though he would put up a fight. Thats what you really need to to sky

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 14:24

I agree with Maryz's suggestion.

If he comes back with that comment, re 'getting back at him'. reply "of course not! you know we deserve a holiday too!"

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 14:25

or maybe, the money would be better spent shoring up your future, independent from him. He doesn't see you as a family unit.

Maryz · 24/03/2013 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 14:30

yeh, if the script in your household is that one person can have a holiday on his own, and it is petty and sour of you to complain, but that if you are assertive enough and pro-active enough to organise a holiday for yourself, then that is to get back at him Confused ... has he any idea how entitled he is? He can have a holiday. But you can't. It's petty of you to want a holiday. Or it's just in reaction to his holiday. You're making a point. ???

Absolutely no thought that you too might enjoy a holiday and need a holiday?!

bootsycollins · 25/03/2013 13:34

How are you today sky*?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 25/03/2013 18:51

Aw bless you Bootsy for thinking of me!

OK thanks, had little contact with DH he never ignored my message when I said it was clear he didn't care about me, he just said it was rubbish and he did!

I am looking at holidays BTW!

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TheCraicDealer · 25/03/2013 19:43

Sky-

Book a last minute deal to Egypt or somewhere for you and DD. Don't tell "D"H and leave a note on the fridge saying:

"Away with DD- there's some lasagne in the fridge for tonight but you'll have to sort yourself out for the next fortnight. Knew you'd understand, such a doll about holidays, aren't you?

Lots of love, your darling wife

P.S.- Have taken all money out of joint account, you need to tip lots in arab countries"

Original poster
skyblue11 · 25/03/2013 21:19

TheCriac, if only I had the guts!

He messaged me tonight, said he'd met his sisters in laws and how nice they were, I replied 'good, at least someone has nice iL's who make them feel like they belong in the family, be sure to tell her how lucky she is'
then he ignored my comment just as he did the one about posting the photo with the comment about it being hot and sunny and went offline without responding.

I have annoyed him, do I care? No

He also told DD he was running out of money and showed her a pic of his empty wallet she asked what he'd spent it on, he said just bits, I shall be very upset if he spends even more of our money, so much for his dad saying he'd pay for everything and it would cost him nothing..

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bootsycollins · 25/03/2013 23:29

sky Grin brilliant reply! Have you chosen a holiday yet? I'll be offline for a day or so now but I'll check in on how things are with you when I'm back.

pigletmania · 26/03/2013 07:26

Sky your h sounds lie a selfish inconsiderate bastard who just drains you and adds nothing to your life. He swans off on holiday, without even caring about you or your dd, gets the hump as your upset, then spends all of your money on himself. I would seriously get rid. My dh is no angel ( totally undimesticated and doesn't have a clue how to cook). But one thing for certain he loves me and would never ever pull a stunt like that. Every family event would have to include me and our children or he would not go

Inertia · 26/03/2013 13:27

Sky, I don't know how your accounts work but you might need to keep a close eye to make sure that he's not spending money that will make accounts overdrawn or leave bills unpaid. Obviously don't freeze accounts and leave him stranded abroad, but you might want to consider moving money around to ensure that you are not left up the creek financially due to him squandering your savings on 'bits'.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2013 13:39

If he spends your mini-cruise money I volunteer to come round and give him a talking to.

I'm afraid he was brought up by mean, selfish arseholes and has learnt how to behave from them. Shower of shitheads the lot of them.

TheCraicDealer · 26/03/2013 13:42

If he spends her mini cruise money I'd be telling him to sell a kidney to reimburse her.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 26/03/2013 16:13

Inertia, surprisingly I am the one who controls all the finances, probably because he can't be arsed but he says I am a control freak, that's because I need the security of knowing what's in the bank.
He has a debit card but he knows my feelings on using this when his prepaid debit card that's loaded runs out.
He can't see his family for what they are. He's so loyal it makes me angry. They have never ever helped with childcare but the minute they need something he jumps and I feel so resentful, I try not to be but I can't help it. I was also astounded that my FIL acknowledged how I felt but doesn't want to do flop all about it.

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HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 26/03/2013 16:31

I would find it very hard to continue to love or respect a spouse who had treated me like this.

LittleBairn · 26/03/2013 16:34

They sound like a horrible bunch I wouldn't want to be connected to any of them including your DH. It's not just that he doesn't give two boots about you but also your DD.
I'm a bitch I would give my DH in that situation a photo to really make a comment on one of me filling in a Decree Nisi with a big smile.

pigletmania · 26/03/2013 17:04

Your best off thinking about a future tat does not include him op he sounds like an arse

bootsycollins · 27/03/2013 08:57

sky I would freeze the debit card with the household money in there, can you request a new pin code? I wouldn't give him the opportunity to borrow from the bill money if he fails to budget the money from his prepaid debit card. He won't be left stranded for cash, he can ask you to if it's possible for you to top up his pre paid debit card with a little extra to budget his time with or he can ask to borrow from his parents and pay them back when he gets home, avoids bank charges for going overdrawn direct debits bouncing etc. Insures the cost of your and dd's much deserved holiday too Smile